Why Some Women Say, They Cheat On Their Spouses – Part One

“It wasn’t a specific, conscious and considered act!” “I didn’t wake up one day and think, ‘Hey, I think I’d like to have an affair.’ It just happened, which is probably very hard to comprehend if you haven’t actually been in the situation!” “He stopped saying, I love you!” “I wanted my husband to feel the same pain he’d introduced to me!” “It just happened!” “It’s easy for harmless friendships to progress into something more when you’re unhappy at home!” “I allowed myself to become infatuated with another man!” “My husband encouraged it!” “I was lonely and unhappy for years!” “I wanted someone who would sleep with me. He seemed disinterested!” “Sex had become like showing up for an army physical!” Below, some women explain what led them to cheat on their spouses.

1.       I married the wrong man and made the ‘easier’ choice in life by being with him. It didn’t become clear to me how wrong he was for me until we had a child. I turned to the right man for comfort for many years and hid it because I wanted my family to remain under the same roof. The biggest reason I strayed was the complete lack of attention I was shown. No birthday or Christmas cards, no gifts. He stopped saying ‘I love you.’ We went from having sex once a week before the baby to every couple months after the baby, to eventually once a year. It’s really easy to fall out of love when you feel like your spouse is a roommate you co-parent with.

2.       I cheated on my husband because he cheated on me. That’s the sad and simple truth. After spending six years with a man who couldn’t stop cheating on me I was emotionally exhausted, depleted and lingering at rock bottom. I cheated out of an overwhelming desire to have someone give me back some of the love and attention I’d been giving my husband with nothing in return. I cheated because I was desperate for someone to love me with the same ferocious first-love intensity that I’d given my husband. I cheated with my high school boyfriend because I was angry, hurt and wanted my husband to feel the same pain he’d introduced to me six years ago and had never tried to work on, despite knowing that it was breaking me down. I cheated because I no longer loved myself and hoped that someone, anyone could hand me some self-worth, a little bit of love and help me begin again.

3.       I truly believe that most people who have affairs, or even zipless sex, are doing so because they are seeking something that is fundamentally lacking in their relationship. As for me, cheating on my spouse wasn’t a specific, conscious, considered act. I didn’t wake up one day and think, ‘Hey, I think I’d like to have an affair.’ It just happened — which is probably very hard to comprehend if you haven’t actually been in the situation. A professional relationship became a friendship, became a flirtation, became an infatuation, became an affair, became a demise. It’s much like drinking a great bottle of wine with dinner. You don’t set out to get drunk but the taste, combined with the other flavours on the plate, the sounds and smells of the room, the soothing, warm feeling of relaxing into the entire sensory environment, allows you to take a sip, then another, then another, then refill your glass, and then at some point you look around and realize that you have a buzz, but your senses are so ripe that you keep sipping, even though you know you should stop because you’re going to get drunk and be hung-over the next day.