How Could You?

When an old Senator went to her doctor for a physical, the tests revealed that she was pregnant. She was furious, because she was in the middle of her first term as Senator of a very populous State, and in a Presidential election year. She immediately called home, got her husband on the phone and started screaming, "How could you have let this happen? With all that's going on right now, you went and got me pregnant! How could you? I can't believe this! I just found out I am five weeks pregnant and it’s all, your fault! Your fault! Well, what have you got to say?"

There was nothing but dead silence on the phone. She screamed again, "Did you hear me?" Finally she heard her husband’s very, very quiet voice. In a barely audible whisper, he said, "Who is this?"

When It Takes Place In The Future

The Saudi Ambassador to the UN has just finished giving a speech, and walks out into the lobby where he meets President Bush. They shake hands and as they walk the Saudi says, "You know, I have just one question about what I have seen in America." President Bush says "Well your Excellency, anything I can do to help, I will do."

The Saudi whispers "My son watches this show 'Star Trek' and in it there are Russians, Blacks, and Asians, but never any Arabs. He is very upset. He doesn't understand why there are never any Arabs in Star Trek." President Bush laughs and leans toward the Saudi, and whispers back, "It's because it takes place in the future."

When You Get, What You Paid For

Bill Clinton took a jog near his new home in Chappaqua. And on each run, he happened to jog past a hooker standing on the same street corner, day after day. Apprehensive, he would brace himself as he approached her for what was (most certainly) about to follow. "Fifty dollars!" she would shout from the curb. "No. Five dollars!" fired back Clinton. This ritual between the ex-president and the hooker continued for several days. He'd run by. She'd holler, "Fifty dollars" He'd yell back, "Five dollars!”

One day, Hillary decided that she wanted to accompany her husband on his jog. As the jogging couple neared the now infamous street corner, Bill suddenly realized the "pro" would bark her $50 offer for all to hear (including Hillary) and he would have to come up with a darn good explanation for his wife, the junior Senator.

As they jogged into the turn that would take them past her, Bill became overcome with anxiety on how to handle the situation. Sure enough, there she was, standing where she always did. Bill tried to evade the streetwalker's eyes as she looked up at the jogging executives.

Then from the sidewalk, she yelled to Bill, "See what you get for five bucks?"

The Bronze Sculpture Of A Rat

A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop somewhere in Washington DC. Picking through the objects on display he discovers a detailed, life-sized bronze sculpture of a rat. The sculpture is so interesting and unique that he picks it up and asks the shop owner what it costs. The shop owner replied, "Twelve dollars for the rat, sir. And a thousand dollars more for the story behind it." And the tourist said, "You can keep the story, old man. But I'll take the rat."

The transaction complete, the tourist leaves the store with the bronze rat under his arm. As he crosses the street in front of the store, two live rats emerge from a sewer drain and fall into step behind him. Nervously looking over his shoulder, he begins to walk faster, but every time he passes another sewer drain, more rats come out and follow him. By the time he's walked two blocks, at least a hundred rats are at his heels, and people begin to point and shout. He walks even faster, and soon breaks into a trot as multitudes of rats swarm from sewers, basements, vacant lots, and abandoned cars.

Rats by the thousands are at his heels, and as he sees the waterfront at the bottom of the hill, he panics and starts to run full tilt. No matter how fast he runs, the rats keep up, squealing hideously, now not just thousands but millions, so that by the time he comes rushing up to the water's edge a trail of rats twelve city blocks long is behind him.

Making a mighty leap, he jumps up onto a light post, grasping it with one arm while he hurls the bronze rat into the Potomac Tidal Basin with the other, as far as he can heave it. Pulling his legs up and clinging to the light post, he watches in amazement as the seething tide of rats surges over the breakwater into the Basin, where they drown.

Shaking and mumbling, he makes his way back to the antique shop. "So, you've come back for the rest of the story," says the owner. "No," says the tourist, "I was wondering if you have a bronze congressman.”

Attaining Spiritual Purity

To pass a final test before their ordination, twelve priests were made to line up in a straight row, totally naked, with a small bell attached to each penis, in a garden. Then a beautiful, sexy and big breasted, nude model was brought to dance before them. The priests were told that anyone, whose bell rang when she danced along, wouldn’t be ordained, because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.

The beautiful model started dancing before the first candidate, but with no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same response until she got to the final priest. As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly, that it flew off and fell clattering to the ground well in front of him. Embarrassed, he took a few steps forward, and bent over to pick it up. Then, all the other bells started to ring like crazy.

And They Do, Too

One evening when Paul was enjoying a quiet drink and generally feeling good with himself outside his local bar, a Nun suddenly appeared at his table and started decrying the evils of drink. She said, "Young man, you should be ashamed of yourself. Drinking is a Sin. Alcohol is the blood of the devil." Getting pretty annoyed, Paul went on the offensive, and asked, "How do you know this, Sister?" The Nun responded, "My Mother Superior told me so." Paul further asked, "But have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?" And the Nun replied, "Don't be ridiculous. Of course I have never taken alcohol myself"

Amiably, Paul suggested, "Then let me buy you a drink. If you still believe afterwards that it is evil, I will give up drinking for life." And the nun retorted, "How could I, a Nun, sit outside this public house, and be drinking?" And Paul assured her, "I'll ask the barman to put it in a teacup for you, then no one will ever know." Reluctantly, the Nun agreed. So Paul went inside, and said to the barman, "Another same for me, and a triple vodka on the rocks; then he lowered his voice and added, and could you put the vodka in a teacup?" And the bartender exclaimed, "Oh no! It's not that Nun again, is it?"

What Care, Can Do

Too often, we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring; all of which have the potential to turn a life around. So, give a care today.

What Encouragement Does

Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I will not forget you. - William Arthur Ward

Being human, we are imperfect. That's why we need each other. To catch each other when we falter. To encourage each other when we lose heart. Some may lead; others may follow; but none of us can go it alone. - Hilary Clinton

Our chief want is someone who will inspire us to be what we know we could be. Support and encourage others to live their lives joyfully in their own ways; but don't try to make their choices for them. 

What Is Gratitude?

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life.

It turns what we have into enough, and more.

It turns denial into acceptance

It turns chaos to order.

It turns confusion to clarity.

It can turn a meal into a feast.

It can turn a house into a home.

It can turn a stranger into a friend.

Gratitude makes sense of our past.

Gratitude brings peace for today.

Gratitude creates a vision for tomorrow.

A Life Of Sharing

At a fast food joint, a young man was fascinating watching an elderly couple, who sat down to lunch. As he watched, he noticed that they had ordered one meal, and an extra drink cup. He watched as the old gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, and then counted out the fries, one for him, one for her, until each had half of them. Then he poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup and set that in front of his wife. The old man then began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded on her lap.

The young man decided to ask if they would allow him to purchase another meal for them so that they didn't have to split theirs. The old gentleman said, "Oh no. We've been married 50 years, and everything has always been and will always be shared, 50/50." The young man then asked the wife if she wasn’t going to eat, and she replied, "It's his turn with the teeth."

What To Do After Prayers

When a guy called Joseph found himself in serious financial trouble with his business almost going bust, he decided to ask God for help. So, he went to the nearest church and prayed, "God, please help me. I've almost lost my business. If I don't get some money fast, I'm going to lose everything. Please let me win the lotto." And when Lotto night came, somebody else won. Again Joseph went back to the church, and prayed, "God, please let me win the lotto this time, because I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well." Another Lotto night came, but Joseph still didn’t win.

In desperation, Joseph went back to the church and asked, "My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, my car and my wife. Now, my children and I are starving. You know that I don't often ask you for help, and I have always been a good servant to you. Why won't you just let me win the lotto this one time, so I can get my life back in order?" Suddenly there was a blinding flash of light as the heavens opened up, and Joseph was surrounded by the voice of GOD himself, "JOSEPH, STOP DAY-DREAMING, AND MEET ME HALFWAY ON THIS. GO BUY A BLOODY LOTTO TICKET!”

What Is Poverty? _ Part One

You ask me, what is poverty? Listen to me. Here I am, dirty, smelly, and with no "proper" underwear on and with the stench of my rotting teeth near you. I will tell you. Listen to me. Listen without pity. I cannot use your pity. Listen with understanding. Put yourself in my dirty, worn out, ill-fitting shoes, and hear me.

Poverty is getting up every morning from a dirt- and illness-stained mattress. The sheets have long since been used for diapers. Poverty is living in a smell that never leaves. This is a smell of urine, sour milk, and spoiling food sometimes joined with the strong smell of long-cooked onions. Onions are cheap. If you have smelled this smell, you did not know how it came. It is the smell of the outdoor privy. It is the smell of young children who cannot walk the long dark way in the night. It is the smell of the mattresses where years of "accidents" have happened. It is the smell of the milk which has gone sour because the refrigerator long has not worked, and it costs money to get it fixed. It is the smell of rotting garbage. I could bury it, but where is the shovel? Shovels cost money.

How Bassey Created A Haunted Kitchen

Once upon a time, there lived a seemingly perfect couple with their son, a steward called Bassey, and a maid. Though Bassey was a dutiful steward, he couldn’t keep his hands off his master’s gin. He would take from his master’s gin with impunity, and then add water. And when accused, he would say, “Master, I swear to God in heaven, I never touch your drink. You know, some of these drinks are fake.”

One day, the master secretly put a liqueur in the gin bottle. As usual, Bassey took from the gin bottle and when he added water, the content turned milky white. Confused, Bassey just stayed put in the kitchen. Meanwhile, the husband has told his wife, what he had done to be able to nail Bassey. So, while the husband and wife were sitting in the living room, the husband called, “Bassey!” And Bassey answered, “Yes, master.” He then asked, “Who drank from my gin?” And when Bassey didn’t answer, he went and dragged him from the kitchen to the living room.

“Why didn’t you answer my question?” The husband demanded. “What question? I only heard you call my name. I have observed that when I am in the kitchen, I can only hear my name. There is something mysterious going on in there.” Furious, the husband said, “Liar, you stand here by madam, and I shall go in there, and you call me and ask a question.” And the husband went into the kitchen. Then Bassey called, “Master!” And the husband answered, “Yes, Bassey.” And Bassey asked, “Who sneaks into the maid’s room, when madam isn’t at home?” Without answering, the husband came out and said, “It’s true, I could only hear my name while there.”

Though perplexed, the wife said, “You both can’t be serious. I shall go in there, while you call and ask a question. And the wife went into the kitchen. Immediately, Bassey called, “Madam!” And the wife answered, “Yes, Bassey I can hear you.” And Bassey asked, “Who is junior’s biological father? Is it me, or master?” Immediately, the wife ran out screaming, “My kitchen is haunted!”

When The Lord Spoke To Noah Again

The Lord spoke to Noah again, in the year 2004. This time, Noah was living in the United States of America. And the Lord said, "Once again the earth has become wicked and overpopulated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans. You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."

And six months later when the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his compound, but with no Ark in sight, the Lord roared, "Noah, I'm about to start the rains! Where is the Ark?" And Noah begged, "Forgive me, Lord. But things have changed. I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbours claim that I've violated the neighbourhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my compound and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision. Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.”

Noah continued, "Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls too. But they won’t have any of that. When I started gathering the animals, I got sued by an animal rights group. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space. I am required to apply for 834 different licenses to keep wild beasts on private property. Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on Your proposed flood. Further, the pitch to water-proof the ark has been banned by the EPA as inimical to the environment. I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew. Immigration and Naturalization is checking the green-card status of most of the people who want to work. The scaffolding to build the superstructure is not OSHA-approved. The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience. To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.”

And in conclusion, Noah pleaded, “So, forgive me Lord, for it will take at least 100 years for me to finish this Ark." Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean You're not going to destroy the world again?" And the Lord said, “No, the government beat me to it."

How They Know

A nun who really needed to go to the bathroom, walked into a neighborhood pub, and approached the bartender. Though the place was hopping with music and dancing, every once in a while the lights would turn off. And each time the lights turned off, the place would erupt with cheers. However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent. She then walked up to the bartender, and asked," May I please use the restroom?" The bartender replied, "I really don't think you should." And the nun asked, "Why not?" Hesitantly, the bartender said, "Well, there is a statue of a naked man in there, and his most private part is covered only by a fig leaf." And the nun just said, "Nonsense, I'll just look the other way."

So the bartender showed the nun the door at the top of the stairs, and she proceeded to the restroom. When she came back out, though the whole place was still hopping with music and dancing, they however did stop just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause. So she went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud me just because I went to the restroom?" And then the bartender responded, "Well, now they know you're one of us. Would you like a drink?" Puzzled, the nun said, "But, I still don't understand." And the bartender laughed, and explained, "You see, every time the fig leaf on the statue is lifted, the lights go out in the whole place. Now how about that drink Sister?”

Valentine Quiz

What is the difference between a complete man, a finished man, and a completely finished man?

Answer: A complete man is he that married the right woman; and a finished man is he that married the wrong woman; while, if the right woman catches the man with the wrong woman, he would be completely finished.

What Is Wrong With That?

All call girls seek men, to pay their bills.

Some ladies seek men, to pay their bills.

So, what is wrong with a man, seeking a lady who can pay her own bills?

The Confession_1

When the parish priest was being honored at a dinner on the twenty-fifth anniversary of his arrival in that parish, a leading local politician, who was a member of the congregation, was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner. But when the politician was delayed in traffic, the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.

He said, "You understand that the seal of the confessional can never be broken. However, I got my first impressions of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I can only hint vaguely about this, but when I came here twenty-five years ago I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first chap who entered my confessional told me how he had stolen a television set, and when stopped by the police, had almost murdered the officer. Further, he told me he had embezzled money from his place of business, had an affair with his boss's wife and liked to have sex with young boys. I was appalled. But as the days went on I knew that my people were not all like that, and I had, indeed come to, a fine parish full of understanding and loving people."

Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and give his talk. "I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived in this parish," said the politician. "In fact, I had the honour of being the first one to go to him in confession."

Thou Shalt Keep The Sabbath Holy

A man, who wanted to keep the commandments, wondered if having sex on the Sabbath was a sin; because he wasn’t sure if sex is work or play. So he went to a priest and asked for his opinion on this question. After consulting the Bible, the priest said, "My son, after an exhaustive search, I am positive that sex is work and is therefore not permitted on Sundays."

The man said to himself, "What does a priest know about sex?" So he went to a minister who, after all, is a married man and experienced in this matter. When he asked the minister, he received the same reply, “Sex is work and therefore not for the Sabbath.” Not pleased with the reply, he decided to seek out a Rabbi. Afterwards, a Rabbi is a man with thousands of years of tradition and knowledge. The Rabbi pondered on the question then said, "My son, sex is definitely play."

Now with mixed feelings, the man asked, "Rabbi, how can you be so sure, when other men of God are saying that, sex is work?" And the Rabbi spoke softly, "My son, if sex was work, my wife would have the maid do it."

How To Please The People

When the Pope was finishing his sermon, he ended it with the Latin phrase, "Tuti Homini." Which translated, means, “Blessed be Mankind.” The next day, a women's rights group approached the Pope with their observation, that the Pope blessed all Mankind, but not Womankind.

So after his sermon the next day, the Pope concluded by saying, "Tuti Homini, et Tuti Femini" Which translated, means, “Blessed be Mankind and Womankind.” And not to be outdone, a gay rights group approached the Pope the next day and said, “We noticed you blessed Mankind and Womankind. We would appreciate if you could also bless gay people.” And the Pope said, "Sure, no problem."

And the next day, the Pope concluded his sermon with, "Tuti Homini, et Tuti Femini, et Tuti Fruiti.”

An Expensive Excuse

Last Valentine, a husband decided to give his wife a big surprise. He took a day off work, and with the help of their maid, baked a huge heart-shaped cake; while the wife was at work. When they had finished decorating the cake, the maid asked, “Oga, what have we made?” And with pride, the husband answered, “This is called, LOVE.”

When the wife arrived home, to meet an untidy kitchen with her maid dosing in a kitchen chair, she was angered. And angrily, she shouted, “What the hell are you doing? Stupid girl, what have you done all day?” Apologetically, the maid pleaded, “Madam, I’m sorry for sleeping. I was tired. Oga and I have just finished making love.”

Why Geese Fly In Their Unique Formation

Science has discovered why geese fly in their unique “V” shape formation. By flying in a "V" shape formation, it is estimated that a whole flock adds at least 71 percent greater flying range than if each bird flew on its own. As each bird flaps its wings, it creates an up lift for the bird immediately following. When a goose falls out of formation, it suddenly feels the drag and resistance of trying to go it alone and quickly gets back into formation to take advantage of the lifting power of the bird in front.

When the head goose gets tired, it rotates back in the wing and another goose flies point. Geese honk from behind to encourage those up front to keep up their speed. And when a goose gets sick or is wounded by gunshot, and falls out of the formation, two other geese fall out with that goose and follow it down to lend help and protection. They stay with the fallen goose until it is able to fly or until it dies; and only then do they launch out on their own, or with another formation to catch up with their own group.

Moral: People who share a common direction and sense of community can get where they are going much more quickly and easily, when they travel on the thrust of one another. They should stay in formation with those who are leading, and encourage them; and the leader should know when he is losing steam, and make room for a new leader; like the geese do.

Has The Pastor Been Sleeping With The Housekeeper?

In some districts, assistant pastors do not live in the main rectory. That is reserved for the Pastor and his housekeeper. One day the pastor invited his new young assistant pastor to have dinner with him at the rectory. While being served, the young pastor noticed how shapely and lovely the housekeeper was and down deep in his heart he wondered if there was more between the pastor and the housekeeper. He humourously broached the matter.

After the meal was over, the pastor assured the young priest that everything was purely professional, and that she was the housekeeper and cook and that was that. About a week later the housekeeper came to the pastor and said, "Father, ever since the new assistant came for dinner I have not been able to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose he took it, do you?" The Pastor said, "Well, I doubt it but I'll write him a letter." So he sat down and wrote, "Dear Father, I'm not saying you did take the gravy ladle and I'm not saying you did not take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains that it has been missing since you were here for dinner."

When the young assistant pastor received the letter, he wrote back as follows, "Dear Father Pastor, I'm not saying that you do sleep with the housekeeper, and I'm not saying that you do not sleep with the housekeeper. But I do know for sure that if you slept in your own bed, you would have found the gravy ladle."

What Did They Forget?

When in 1923, nine of the wealthiest people in the world whose combined wealth, was estimated to exceed the wealth of the Government of the United States of America at that time met at Chicago's Edge Water Beach Hotel; the world was at their feet. These men, who certainly knew how to make a living and accumulate wealth were, the president of the largest steel company, the president of the largest utility company, the president of the largest gas company, the president of the New York Stock Exchange, the president of the Bank of International Settlements, the greatest Wheat Speculator, the greatest "bear" on Wall Street, the head of the World's greatest monopoly, and a member of President Harding's cabinet.

But 25 years later, the president of the then largest steel company (Bethlehem Steel Corp), Charles M Schwab, lived on borrowed capital for five years before he died bankrupt; the president of the then largest gas company, Howard Hubson, went insane; one of the greatest commodity traders (Wheat Speculator), Arthur Cutten, died insolvent; the then president of the New York Stock Exchange, Richard Whitney, was sent to jail; the member of President Harding's cabinet, Albert Fall, was pardoned from jail just to be able to go home and die in peace; the greatest “bear” on Wall Street, Jesse Livermore committed suicide; the president of the then world’s greatest monopoly, Ivar Krueger, also committed suicide; the president of the Bank of International Settlement, Leon Fraser, also committed suicide; and the president of the largest utility company, Samuel Insull, died penniless.

So, what did these men forget? They forgot, “How to make life, while they were busy making money.” Money in itself is not evil. Money provides food for the hungry, medicine for the sick, and clothes for the needy. Money is only a medium of exchange. They forgot that there are two kinds of education. One education teaches us how to make a living, and the other that teaches us how to live. Many of us are so engrossed in our professional lives that we neglect our families, our health and our social responsibilities. We feel we are doing it for our families, whereas our kids are sleeping when we leave home, and they are sleeping when we come back home. And twenty years later when we turn back, they’ll all be gone, to pursue their own dreams and their own lives.

We should appreciate that, without water, a ship cannot move. While a ship needs water, if the water gets into the ship, the ship will face existential problems. What was once a means of living for the ship will become a means for its, destruction. Similarly, earning which is a necessity shouldn’t be allowed to get into our hearts; so that what was once a means of living may not become a means of destruction for us as well. So take a moment and ask yourself, "Has the water entered my ship?"

Weekend Quiz

Which part of a woman, is the most difficult to approach?

Answer: An unwilling vagina. Once she has decided to be uncooperative, that's it. She smacks her lips tight like suction, and only brute force can get anything past them.

The Screw

During one summer in the fifties when Wilson went to pick up Susan, his date, her mother invited him in and said, “Susan isn’t ready yet. So why don't you have a seat?" Wilson obliged, and took a seat. Then she asked what they were planning to do. And Wilson politely told her that they would probably just go to the mall or to a drive in movie.

And Susan’s mother asked, "Why don't you kids go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it, these days." Surprised, Wilson exclaimed, “What!” And Susan’s mother said, "Yeah, we know Susan really likes to screw. And she'd screw all night if we let her." Wilson’s eyes lighted up and he smiled from ear to ear. Immediately, he revised the plans for the evening, in his mind.

A few minutes later, Susan came downstairs in her petit mini skirt with her saddle shoes, and announced that she was ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Wilson escorted his date out the front door while Susan’s mother winked to him, and said, "Have a good evening, kids." About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly disheveled Susan rushed back into the house, slammed the door behind her and screamed at her mother, "Dammit, Mom! The Twist! The Twist! It's called The Twist!"

How To Overcome Failure _ Part Four

Turn to others: Seeking solace and guidance from others, especially family and friends is a great way to overcome failure. Encouraging words and comfort of your loved ones always gives you a confidence, boost and helps you to get through the worst of times.

Learn to share: Don’t just keep your story to yourself. Share your experiences with others. Talking about the little failures and how you overcame them will help you strive for more, but motivating others with humility and modesty, helps motivate you too.

Every adversity, every failure, and every headache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit. Don’t brood over your past mistakes and failures, as this will only fill your mind with grief, regret and depression. Just don’t repeat them in the future.

Nothing in this world can take the place of Persistence and determination. Success is the result of perfection, hard work, learning from failure, loyalty and persistence. And of course God's abundant guidance and blessing. Finally it is fine to celebrate success but it is more important to heed the lessons of failure

In conclusion take note and keep in mind as you make your journey through life, "That if you have made mistakes, even serious ones, that there is always another chance for you. What we call failure is not the falling down but the staying down.

Always remember that, "The true measure of success is how many times you can bounce back from your failures."

What Is Life?

Life isn’t all about waiting for the storms to pass. It's about learning how to dance in the rain. Be thankful for the rain in your life, which waters the flowers of your soul. And you will regain your happiness, through your contentment and a total submission to the forces of NATURE.

How To Overcome Failure _ Part Three

Draft a new plan: Now is the time to get to work again and start off on a new plan and a new agenda. If your old diet didn’t work, try out a new one. A divorce doesn’t imply that you will not have a successful marriage again. So with a positive outlook create a new plan for your future.

Set your goals: Examine each failure with a goal in mind. If you missed a promotion this year, think about how close you have come to reaching your goal. If your goal seems too big right now, break it into small targets so that you attain it slowly, but steadily. There’s no harm in taking baby steps! With a little success, the past failure is forgotten soon.

Give yourself a break: Sometimes, trying too hard and failing, can take a toll on your physical and mental health. Take a break, go on vacation or simply not pursue what you have been doing for a while. This will give you some time to rekindle and rejuvenate yourself conscience and conviction. As a result, you will be able to come out again as a stronger individual.

Don’t forget "Pain and defeat are the emotions that we immediately feel after failure. But with persistence, determination and patience, that very failure can be molded into success. It might seem difficult at first, but you can surely give them a try!

Always remember "Our greatest glory is not, in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail.

Why Is Your Stomach So Big?

While waiting to see her doctor, a pregnant lady noticed that a three-year old boy was quizzically staring at her stomach. With a broad smile on her face, she asked him, “How may I help you, young man?” Though startled, the little boy asked, “Why is your stomach so big?” 

Amused, the lady smiled again, and replied, “Well, I'm having a baby.” And the little boy asked, “Is the baby in your stomach?” And the lady responded, “He sure is.”  Perplexed, the little boy asked, “Is it a good baby?” Amiably, the lady answered, “Oh, yes. It's a real good baby.” Finally, the little boy asked, “Then, why did you eat him?”

How To Overcome Failure _ Part Two

Look at the other side: Imagine the worst case scenario that you could have landed on. In all probabilities, you are better off right now. So be grateful about what was avoided rather than get disheartened about what you did not achieve.

You learn to take risks: With each failure you understand your own potential and ability to take risks. This in turn only pushes you close to success and enhances your ability to strive for more.

You haven’t failed you have found a new way: “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” – Thomas A. Edison.(the inventor of electric lamp) Each failure shows you a newer path and mode to succeed. So think of the failure as a small detour and not really a lost road.

Always remember, “Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit.” and never forget "You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past. You don’t try to forget the mistakes, but you don’t dwell on it. You don’t let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space.” - The key to success is "Fall seven times and get up eight. Never quit.

How Grandpa Got A Stiff Neck

When a five year old boy went to visit his grandparents, and met his grandfather sitting on the porch, in his rocker, wearing only a shirt, and naked from the waist down, he exclaimed, “Grandpa, what are you doing? Your weenie's out and everybody can see it!"

But grandpa looked off in the distance, and didn’t answer. The little asked again, "Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with no pants on?" Then grandpa looked at him and said, "Son, last week I sat here with no shirt on. Just watching the cars go by. And I got a stiff neck. This is your grandma's idea."

How To Overcome Failure _ Part One

Be happy that you tried: So what if it did not work out! At least you gave it a shot. Be it quitting a job for a business venture or putting everything at stake for love, at least you will be happy you tried.

Each failure is an opportunity to improve: A failure in any field of life helps you identify your weakness. And with each failed attempt you only get better and learn from your past mistakes. As Socrates rightly said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.”

Think positive: With happy thoughts come, positive energy. Positivity in your life will keep you going through the worst of times and overcoming failure is just a small part of it. So think positive and don’t let failure inject the feeling of negativity and let your self-confidence down.

Never forget that “Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay, not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead end. Failure is something we can avoid only by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.” 

Why Would A Priest Do That?

A truck driver would avenge by running over any policeman he sees walking down the side of the road. Every time he sees a policeman walking along the road, he would swerve to hit him, and there would be a loud "THUMP" and then he would swerve back onto the road. One day, as the truck driver was driving along, he saw a priest hitchhiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the truck over. "Where are you going, Father?" He asked the priest. "I'm going to the church 5 miles down the road," replied the priest. "No problem, Father! I'll give you a lift. Climb in the truck." The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued down the road.

Suddenly the truck driver saw a policeman walking down the road and instinctively he swerved to hit him. But then he remembered there was a priest in the truck with him, so at the last minute he swerved back away, narrowly missing the policeman. However even though he was certain he missed the policeman, he still heard a loud "THUD". Not understanding where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn't see anything, he turned to the priest and said, "I'm sorry Father, I almost hit that policeman." And the priest responded, "That's okay. I got him with the door!"