Some Mothers’ Reasoning

One fateful day, a Jewish daughter said to her mother, “Mum, I'm divorcing Nathan. All he wants is sex, sex and more sex. My vagina is now the size of a 50-cent piece, when it used to be the size of a 5-cent piece."

Her mother looked at her critically and said, "You're married to a multi-millionaire businessman! You live in an 8 bedroom mansion! You drive a $250,000 Ferrari! You get $2,000 a week allowance! You take 6 vacations a year and you want to throw all that away over 45 cents?"

The Amazing Sense Of Smell

When a dark bespectacled man went for a meal at this well patronized up town Restaurant, and been comfortably seated, he was offered a Menu Card. The man said, "I'm blind. Just bring me one of your dirty forks to smell, and I shall make my order.” The restaurateur, though at first confused at such a request, went ahead and got a fork as requested and handed it to him. The Blind man smelt the fork with a deep breath and said, "Yes, I will have the Lamb with seasoned potatoes and spring vegetables."  This is unbelievable thought the restaurateur.

Some two weeks later, when the Blind man came to patronize the same restaurant once more, the restaurateur jumped at a golden opportunity to prove that the last success of the blind man’s sense of smell may have been a fluke. He enthusiastically sat him and said, “I shall be back in a moment with a fork.” He then went to the kitchen and pleaded with his wife Susan, who incidentally is the cook and said, “Honey, please do me a favour by dipping your finger in your vagina, and rubbing it on this fork.” “Certainly,” Susan said. She promptly dipped her finger in her vagina, rubbed the fork with it and handed it to her husband.

The restaurateur excitedly and with a mischievous smile on his face, rushed back to the blind man’s table and handed him the fork. The blind man took the fork, raised it to his nose, inhaled and said, “Hmmmm, this is interesting, I didn’t know Susan works here.”

At The Sunday School

At the Sunday school one Sunday morning, and after discussing some of the plights of the Israelites, the teacher asked, "Any questions?" A puzzled student raised his hand. And when the teacher asked, “What is your question?” The student said, “You said the children of Israel escaped from Egypt." And the teacher said, “Yes, I did.” Then the student said, "And you said the children of Israel crossed the red sea." And the teacher said, “Yes, that is correct.”

And the student continued, "And you also said the children of Israel also brought down the mighty walls of Jericho." At this point the teacher asked, “Yes, but what exactly, is your question?" And the student asked, “When the children of Israel were doing all these, where exactly were the adults of Israel?” But without being asked, another student replied, “The adults of Israel were busy making more children.”

The Mortician’s Double Surprise

A mortician working in a country morgue, who thought he had seen it all, was amazed while examining the remains of a Mr. James, before being released for cremation. As he examined the body, he was startled when he beheld the longest penis he had ever seen. So he said under his breath, "I'm sorry Mr. James! But I can't send you off to be cremated with a tremendously huge penis like this! It has to be saved for posterity!"

With that thought, the mortician used his tools to remove the dead man's penis, stuffed it into a briefcase and took it home. As soon as he arrived home, he excitedly summoned his wife and said, "Honey, I have something to show you that you won't believe." He then opened up his briefcase, and showed her the content. His wife exclaimed, "Oh my God! James is dead!"

Celebrate Your Nigerianness

1.       All over the world Nigerians are setting the pace and becoming the standard by which others measure themselves. ‪# ‎Celebrate Your Nigerianness!

2.       In the US, Nigerians are the most educated immigrant community. Type it into Google and you'll see it. Not one of the most educated, but the most educated ‪# ‎Celebrate Your. Nigerianness!

3.       60% of Nigerians in the US have college degrees. This is far above the American national average of 30%. ‪# ‎Celebrate Your Nigerianness!

4.       Nigerians in US are one of the highest earners, typically earning 25% more than the median US income of $53k. ‪# ‎Celebrate Your Nigerianness!

5.       In Ivy League schools in Europe and America, Nigerians routinely outperform their peers from other nations. ‪# ‎Celebrate Your Nigerianness!

6.       A Nigerian family, the Imafidon family have officially been named the smartest family in the UK. ‪# ‎Celebrate Your Nigerianness!

7.       The designer of the famous car, Chevrolet Volt, Jelani Aliyu, is a super talented Nigerian from Sokoto State. ‪# ‎Celebrate Your Nigerianness!

8.       The wealthiest Black man and woman on earth are Nigerians, Aliko Dangote and Mrs. Folorunsho Alakija. ‪# ‎Celebrate Your Nigerianness!

9.       South Africa couldn't have ended apartheid and achieved Black rule if not for the leadership role Nigeria played. ‪# ‎Celebrate Your Nigerianness!

10.   Of the 3 Presidents who ruled South Africa after apartheid, two of them once lived in Nigeria under asylum. ‪# ‎Celebrate Your Nigerianness!

11.   Both Nelson Mandela (60s) and Thabo Mbeki (70s) lived in Nigeria before becoming Presidents of South Africa. We gave financial support, human support, boycotted an Olympics and our politicians, musicians and activists campaigned relentlessly. ‪# ‎Celebrate Your Nigerianness!

12.   Nigeria spent over $3 Billion and lost hundreds of soldiers to end the wars in both Liberia and Sierra Leone that the world ignored because they have no oil. ‪# ‎Celebrate Your Nigerianness!

13.   When there was a coup in São Tomé and Príncipe in 2003, Nigeria restored the elected President back to power. ‪# ‎Celebrate Your Nigerianness!

14.   Before there were street lights in European cities, ancient Benin kingdom had street lights fueled by palm oil. ‪# ‎Celebrate Your Nigerianness!

15.   500 years ago, Benin casted metal alloys to create magnificent art including the world famous Queen Ida Mask. ‪# ‎Celebrate Your Nigerianness!

16.   Amina was a warrior queen who ruled Zaria Emirate in Kaduna state, Northwestern Nigeria 400 years ago in 1610. ‪# ‎Celebrate Your Nigerianness!

17.   We gave monetary gifts to Ireland during our oil boom and built a statue for France free of charge. ‪# ‎Celebrate Your Nigerianness!

18.   The first television station in Africa was NTA Ibadan (1960) long before Ireland had their RTE station. ‪# ‎Celebrate Your Nigerianness!

19.   Wherever you look in this great country Nigeria, heroes abound both now and in our recent and ancient past. ‪# ‎Celebrate Your Nigerianness!

20.   If all you do is listen to mainstream Western media, you'll not get the full picture of your Nigerian heritage. ‪# ‎Celebrate Your Nigerianness!

21.   Do not listen to any leader who says Nigerians are criminals, no matter who he is, or his height and position. ‪# ‎Celebrate Your Nigerianness!

22.   We're not a nation of scammers, drugs and corruption, but a people with a verifiable track record of greatness. ‪# ‎Celebrate Your Nigerianness!

23.   What CNN, BBC, Aljezeera and western media will not tell you about Nigerians.

24.   On the 7th May, 2016 at Howard University in Washington D.C history was made. Out of 96 graduating Doctor of Pharmacy candidates, 43 of them were Nigerians and out of 27 awards given, 16 went to Nigerians. ‪# ‎Celebrate Your Nigerianness!

25.   They will only tell you how Nigerians are scammers and cheats, how Nigerians are into drugs overseas et al. If you don't blow your trumpet, no one will blow it for you.

26.   You are NOT a criminal. Be proud of Nigeria. Be proud of our heritage. Be enthusiastic of our future greatness. ‪# ‎Celebrate Your Nigerianness!

VIVA NAIJA!

More, From Robert Mugabe

1.       "Racism will never end as long as white cars are still using black tyres. Racism will never end if people still use black to symbolize bad luck and white for peace. Racism will never end if people still wear white clothes to weddings and black clothes to funerals. Racism will never end as long as those who don't pay their bills are blacklisted not whitelisted. Even when playing snooker. You haven't won until you've sunk the black ball, and the white ball must remain on the table. But I don't care, as long as I'm still using white toilet paper to wipe my black butt, I'm fine!"

2.       Ladies are powerful; they can introduce two boyfriends at the same time. They will say My Love meet My Sweet heart. And the two idiots will say "Bossu how far?"

3.       Some of you girls can't even jog for 5 minutes but expect a guy to last in bed with you for 2 hours. Your level of selfishness demands a one week crusade.

4.       Dating a slim/slender guy is cool. The problem is when you are lying on his chest then his ribs draw Adidas lines on your face.

5.       No sex before marriage? If that was God's plan you would receive your Penis or Vagina on your wedding day.

6.       Whenever things seem to start going well in your life, the Devil comes along and gives you a girlfriend

7.       "Sucking breast is a survival skill guys learnt at birth. But as to how and where girls learnt the act of sucking dicks still baffles me."

8.       If you are ugly, you are ugly. Stop talking about inner beauty because we don’t walk around with X-rays.

9.       Respect pregnant women because it's not easy walking around with evidence that you've had sex

10.   Dear sisters, don't be deceived by a man who text you, "I miss you" only when it's raining, you are not an umbrella.

11.   "It's better for a man to be stingy with the money he has hustled for, than for a woman to deny you a hole that she didn't even drill herself.

12.   "If your girlfriend/boyfriend has not taken a picture with you before just make that request and stop forcing Photo Grid to bring you together.

13.   "God is the best inventor ever. He took a rib from a man and created a loudspeaker."

14.   "If women think having their period (menstruation) in a whole month is a difficult task, they should ask the men how difficult it is to control an erected Penis, in public."

15.   "Swimming pool is much more useful than the Liverpool football club."

How We Missed It

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness. We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things. We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...

Remember to spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever. Remember to say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side. Remember to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent. Remember to say, 'I love you' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. An embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you. Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind. AND ALWAYS REMEMBER: Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. If you don't send this to other people … “Who cares?” But be advised to ponder, revisit and read again.

The Wrong Comparison

When a man took his wife to a cattle show and started heading down the alley that housed all the bulls, the sign on the first stall stated, “This bull mated 50 times last year.” The wife turned to her husband and said, “He mated 50 times in a year. Isn't that nice?" At the next stall, the sign stated, “This bull mated 65 times last year." The wife again turned to her husband and said, “This one mated 65 times last year. That is over 5 times a month. You could learn from this one.”

And when they got to the last stall, the sign stated, “This bull mated 365 times last year.” The wife's jaw dropped, and she exclaimed, "WOW! He mated 365 times last year! That is ONCE A DAY! You could really learn from this one!" And in annoyance, her husband turned to her and said, “Go up and inquire if it was 365 times with the same cow.”

Changing Wills

When an elderly gentleman with a serious hearing problem for many years, went to the Audiologist, he was fitted with a state-of-the-art hearing aid. He was so happy that he could now hear perfectly. But one month later when the Audiologist said, “Now that your hearing is perfect your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.” The elderly gentleman smiled and replied, “Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. And I've since changed my will, three times.” 

The Pastor’s Deal

When a Christian family invited their parish priest to help cast out the demon which had possessed the head of their family, he came with his band of prayer warriors. As soon as they arrived and started to chant and pray, the demon became violent. The louder they prayed, the more violent the demon became. So, the pastor resorted to speaking in tongues, and asked the demon, “What do you want with this man?” And the demon replied, “I’m preparing him for the post of petroleum minister.”

Immediately, the pastor lowered his voice and asked, “May I make a deal with you?” And the demon replied, “Sure, you can as usual.” The pastor then commanded, “Instead of casting you into the swine, come into me.” The pastor is now wearing a permanent straight jacket, in a mental home.

Welcome To Some Of Robert Mugabe's Quotes

1. It is hard to bewitch African girls these days. Every time you take a piece from her hair to the witch doctor, either a Brazilian innocent woman gets mad or a factory in China catches fire.

2. Virginity is the best wedding gift any man would receive from his newly wed wife but lately, there's nothing as such any-longer because it'll have already been given out as a Birthday gift, token of Appreciation, Job assurance, Church collection, Examination marking schemes & for Lorry fares!"

3. Treat every part of your towel nicely because the part that wipes your buttocks today will wipe your face tomorrow.

4. We are living in a generation where people “in love” are free to touch each other’s private parts but cannot touch each other’s phones because they’re private”

5. Sometimes you look back at girls you spent money on rather than send it to your mum and you realize witchcraft is real.

6. If you are a married man, and you find yourself attracted to school girls, just buy your wife a school uniform.

7. If President Barack Obama wants me to allow marriage for same-sex couples in my country (Zimbabwe), he must come here so that I marry him first.

8. South Africans will kick down a statue of a dead white man but won’t even attempt to slap a live one. Yet they can stone to death a black man simply because he’s a foreigner.

9. What is the problem? We now have aero planes which can take them back quicker than the ships used by their ancestors.

10. Mr. Bush, Mr. Blair and now Mr. Brown's sense of human rights precludes our people's right to their God-given resources, which in their view must be controlled by their kith and kin. I am termed dictator because I have rejected this supremacist view and frustrated the neo-colonialists.

11. Cigarette is a pinch of tobacco rolled in a piece of paper with fire on one end and a fool on the other end.

12. Girls legs are like rumours, they spread anyhow!

13. Ladies are not being fair to we men! They cannot last 5 minutes on the field, but expect we men to last 2 hours in bed!

Don’t Worry About Me

Instead of worrying about what I am doing, you should be more worried about why you are worrying about what I am doing. Worry about who you are, and why you are here. And never you, ever ask, “Who do I think I am.” Because I don’t have to think, to know WHO I AM. Nothing shakes me. Nothing moves me. And nothing can ever bring me down. I AM FORTIFIED BY MY CREATOR.

The Subtle Advice

One day while at work, a bachelor guy told his married friend, “I am thinking of getting married. And I would need all the advice I can get.” And his married friend said, “Very well, join us for dinner tonight.” So after work that day, he brought him home at 5.30 pm for dinner unannounced.” After they were seated, he said to his wife, “Honey, I have brought my friend to have dinner with us.”

While his friend just sat there and listened, she pulled her husband into the kitchen and screamed, “My hair and makeup are not done, the house is in a mess, the dishes are not done, I'm still in my pajamas and I can't be bothered with cooking tonight! Why the hell did you bring him home for?" And husband answered, "Because he's thinking of getting married."

A Little Girl’s Service

One afternoon while a man’s wife was out shopping and their little daughter offered him a glass of water, he was so proud of their daughter’s ability to serve that he could hardly wait for his wife to get back. Finally when his wife got back, he proudly asked her to watch.

He then said to their little daughter, “Honey, go offer your mother, a glass of water.” The little girl went and offered her mother a glass of water. And his wife smiled, congratulated their little daughter, turned to her husband and asked, "Did it ever occur to you, that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?"

The Multi Dispenser

Late one evening when two priests went to have their shower, they had undressed and stepped into the showers before they realized there was no soap. So, one of the priests decided to go get some soap from his room. And without bothering to get dressed, he dashed off to his room, grabbed two bars of soap in his hands and started heading back. 

Halfway down the hall, he saw three nuns approaching. Having no place to hide, he stood against the wall and froze like he's a statue. The nuns stopped, and while commenting on how lifelike he looked, the first nun suddenly reached out and pulled his penis. Startled, he dropped a bar of soap. And she exclaimed, "Oh look! It’s a soap dispenser!"

To confirm her theory, the second nun also pulled his penis and sure enough he dropped his second and last bar of soap. And not wishing to be left out, the third nun then pulled once, twice, thrice, but nothing happened. But on her fourth try, she exclaimed, "Look! It is also a hand cream dispenser!"

A Remarkable Celebration

When a seemingly happily married couple went to celebrate their first wedding anniversary in their neighbourhood fine restaurant, they were seated at a cozy corner. After a while when the wife looked across to a table at the opposite corner, saw a man in a drunken stupor, but pretended not to have seen anything.

But while having their ordered nice meal with a fine wine to go with it, the wife didn’t realize that she was being absent minded. So the husband asked, "I notice you've been watching that man for some time now. Do you know him?" And the wife replied, "Yes! He's my ex-husband and has been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago." The husband just smiled and said, "That's remarkable! I wouldn't think anybody could celebrate for that long!"

A Lesson On Patience

When a 30 year-old man visited his old father whose sight had started failing, and as they both sat in front of the old man’s house chatting, a dove flew in and perched on the window. The old man asked his son, "Is that a dove that perched on the window?" And the son replied, "Yes dad." After a short while, he asked the son the same question a second time and got the same answer. When he asked the same question the third time, his son became angry and rebuked him saying, "This is why I hate visiting you. You keep repeating questions!"

The old man was silent for about 10 minutes then asked the son to go into his bedroom and fetch his old diary. The son did as he requested. Then he asked him to read page 2 of the diary. And it read, "My son is 3 years old today. As we sat in front of the house playing, a dove flew in and perched on the window. My son asked me 30 times if it was a dove. I gladly replied "yes" to each question. I cannot explain in words how happy I am that my son has learned to talk. What a wonderful day to remember!"

The young man dropped the diary on the ground, cried and apologized to his father. And the old man said, "Enough, son. One mistake cannot make you less a man. But repeating the same mistake over and over again can kill any man. I've chosen today to teach you the final lesson before I depart this world. The lesson for today is Patience. Always be kind and considerate to the less privileged. This is how you'll stand out in eternity. Be nice to everyone on your way up, you'll definitely meet them again on your way down! The person you looked down upon today may turn out to be the person you may need tomorrow. Let’s learn to walk in patience and tolerate each other even in adverse conditions.”

The Irony Of Life

Popcorns are normally fried in the same pot, in the same oil, at the same time and under the same heat conditions. But they do not all pop at the same time. When flooding occurs, fish eat ants. When the flood recedes, ants eat fish; only time matters. And to make soap, oil is required. But to clean oil, soap is required.

This is the irony of life. Everyone needs someone at one point in time. Do not despise or treat anyone with scorn when they are excelling or failing more than you. There is time for everything and for everyone. Have faith, trust in your Creator and wait for your time. Your time to pop will come at the appointed time. NEVER GIVE UP!!

Some Things That Are Better Than Money

Though some say, “You can’t get anywhere without it,” the following things are better than money.

1. Life: It’s easy to forget that the mere fact of conscious existence, that you are alive, is itself a miracle. As the old saying goes, “Every day above ground is a good day.”

2. Health: Rather than thinking of illness as something bad that happens to you, start thinking of health as something good that’s happening to you.

3. Purpose: There is nothing more conducive to long-term happiness than knowing that your actions are making the world a better place.

4. Friendship: Almost everyone has friends, although it’s easy to lose track of them in the rush of events. Take a few minutes to reconnect with some of them today.

5. Family: If you’ve got a good relationship with your family, rejoice. You’re experiencing one of the deepest sources of happiness on the planet. And if you haven’t, work on it.

6. Self-reliance: Feeling secure that you can count on yourself to accomplish what you set out to accomplish creates a quiet but potent happiness.

7. Community: Having the support of a wider group makes you more aware that you’re part of something greater than yourself.

8. Gratitude: Rather than focusing on what you don’t have or what’s out of your reach, you should be ever thankful for the wonderful things already in your life.

9. Laughter: It is impossible to laugh and be miserable at the same time. Regular doses of laughter are more than medicine; it’s the flavour of life.

10. Love: “Conquers All.”

When you create these things in your life, you’ll either become wealthier and happier or, if not, you won’t really care anyway because you would already have gotten what’s important.

Thought Of The Day

When your nails grow long, you cut your nails and not your fingers. So, when your misunderstandings stay longer, you should cut your Ego and not your, RELATIONSHIP.

When Satisfied

While on an overnight visit to their son, Grandma and Grandpa were accommodated in their son’s master bedroom. And before dinner when Grandpa used the bath room, he found a bottle of Viagra in his son's medicine cabinet. Just before bed time, he asked, “Son, may I use one of those pills?” And his son replied, "I don't think you should take one Dad. They're very strong and very expensive." And Grandpa asked, "How much?" The son responded, "They cost one hundred naira per pill."

And Grandpa said, "I don't care. I'd still like to try one, and before we leave in the morning, I'll put the money under the pillow.” Later the next morning when the son found six hundred naira under the pillow, he immediately called Grandpa and said, "I told you each pill was one hundred naira, not seven hundred naira.” Grandpa then said, "I know, son! The extra six hundred is from Grandma."

When Peter Met The Pope

While going through security to board his plane, and hearing that the Pope was going to be on the same flight, Peter muttered under his breath, “This is going to be an exciting flight. Perhaps I'll be able to see him in person.” Imagine his surprise when he found himself seated next to the Pope. Peter excitedly, but politely introduced himself. And the Pope said, “Bless you, my son.”

Shortly after take-off, the Pope began a crossword puzzle. And almost immediately, the Pope turned to Peter and asked, “Excuse me Peter, but do you know a four letter word referring to a woman, that ends with ‘unt’?” And Peter thought, “Only one word leaps to my mind. My goodness, I can't possibly tell the Pope that word. There must be another word.” So Peter thought harder, and for quite a while too, before it hit to replace the “C”. He then turned to the Pope and said, “I think the word your Holiness is looking for is, ‘aunt’.” And the Pope said, “Of course, it is. Do you have an eraser?”

How I Get My Thanks

When a man and his wife were involved in a terrible accident, in which the man's face was severely burned, and the doctor said they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny, his wife offered to donate some of her own skin. However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and they requested that the doctor also keep their secret, this being a delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the man's new face. He looked more handsome than he ever was. All his friends and relatives just went on and on about his youthful beauty! One day while alone with his wife, and being overcome with emotion at her sacrifice, he said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?" And wife replied, "My darling, I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on your cheeks."

Some Facts About Hinduism

1.       13.8% of the world's population are Hindus.

2.       Hinduism has no single founder, founding incident or date of origin.

3.       Hinduism believes the conditions of one's present life are due to karma, or accumulated good or bad behavior in past lives.

4.       Hinduism worships over 33 million gods or demigods.

5.       The Mahabharata, used to teach the principles of Hinduism, is 1.8 million words long and is the longest poem in the world.

6.       A majority of Hindus eat meat, only 30% do not.

7.       At over 162.6 ha (401 acres), the Hindu temple Angkor Wat in Cambodia is the largest religious structure in the world.

8.       There is a pilgrimage site in Sri Lanka that is holy to four religions for a "sacred footprint": Hinduism, Islam, Buddhism and Christianity.

9.       Most Hindus say Euthanasia interrupts the timing of the cycle of rebirth and both the doctor and patient will take on bad karma as a result.

10.   The Swastika is recognized as a symbol of auspiciousness in Hinduism, Buddhism, and Jainism.

11.   India's Hindu calendar has 6 seasons: spring, summer, monsoon, autumn, winter and prevernal.

12.   Hinduism accepts a man's right to commit suicide through fasting to death, called "Prayopavesa."

Some Tests To Better Your Life And The World

While musing as usual, I remembered the following TESTS that can better your life, give you happiness and make the world a better place. The Triple Filter Test was developed by Socrates, an ancient Greek philosopher who was reputed to hold knowledge in high esteem who said, “Before you tell someone what you have been told or heard about him or her, you have to make absolutely sure that what you are about to tell him or her is true. You have to make sure that what you are about to tell, is something good. And you have to be sure that what you want to tell, shall be useful to him or her.” A lot of the problems in the world would disappear if we talk to each other, instead of about each other.

And The Four Way Test of the things we think, say or do developed by Rotary which states, “Is it the TRUTH? Is it FAIR to all concerned? Does it promote GOOD WILL and BETTER FRIENDSHIP? Will it be BENEFICIAL to all concerned?” The 4-Way Test is now being used successfully around the world in businesses, governments and schools as an effective measuring stick for conduct. It is a guide to RIGHT thinking. If memorized and constantly applied to relations with others, it will make a definite contribution towards more effective and friendlier relationships. If you get into the habit of checking your thoughts, words and deeds against the 4-Way Test, the experience of others has shown that it will help you become happier, more successful and help to make the world a better place.

Why You Must Listen To Yourself

An old man on his deathbed said to his doctor, “Doctor, don’t worry about me. I know I am going to die. I didn’t want to come here, but they brought me here. Please don’t worry about me. Look at my hair, they are gone. I am so old but you are so young. I have learnt a lot from life, if you don’t mind I will tell you some of them before I die.

When I was 4 years, I use to think the world was all about me. When I turned 14, I wanted to rule the world. I thought I would be the greatest man that ever lived. When I was 21, I wanted to be the richest man. When I was 25, I wanted to find love. When I wanted to enter the University, I wanted to study Zoology but everyone said I should study Engineering that I will be a great Engineer. So I listened to them. I had no one to pay my fees. I had to work to be able to pay my fees. When in my third year I couldn’t cope with my studies, I had to drop out. And when I dropped out, the same people told me, "You should have studied Zoology!"

When I turned 28, everyone said I should marry. That I needed a wife, so I listened to them and I got married. 6 years into the marriage, I caught my wife sleeping with my neighbour. And when I asked her why, she slapped me. Though I was angry, I didn’t say anything. By the time I returned from work the next day, she had run away with my children. Now I am dying a lonely man. At 40, I got a huge contract. My name was in the news. The next day, all my friends and families were at my house, and everyone had a serious problem. Within one week, I spent all the money on them with the promise that they will pay back. I could not complete the contract because they refused to return the money as promised. So I was sent to jail for 6 years. I stayed in jail and I came out. When I came out, they were nowhere.

I wanted to be helpful to everyone. Now that I am here, I want to die. You see, I wanted so many things at so many times. Most importantly, I wanted to be happy. I thought the best way to be happy was to listen to others. But there was one mistake I made through all this time. Now it is clear to me. Let me tell you about it. I refused to listen to myself. I ignored my own self and listened to others. Now that I am here the only person that is with me is myself. You see, it is very good to listen to others. It is very wise to seek advice from others. But it is very dangerous to ignore your own self. It is very, very dangerous to refuse to pay attention to your heart.

When you get home this night, sit down, take a glass of water. Close your eyes if you want or open it if you want, then talk to yourself, and reason with yourself. You can walk down the road alone and as you walk, begin to talk to yourself. The only person that can overrule yourself is your Creator. After your Creator, listen to yourself next. I know it may not make sense to you now but always remember I told you, “LEARN TO LISTEN TO YOURSELF.”

Searching For Our Missing Ribs

A group of friends while on a night out and discussing life and living in general, the first guy said, "I never appreciated what happiness was until I got married, and then it was too late!" When the cheering died down, a second guy said, “Now I believe that love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock. And when I held my woman's hand before marriage, it was love; but when I now do hold her hand after marriage, it is self-defense.”

After they had refilled their drinks, a third guy said, “When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.” And the forth guy said, “Before I got married, I had said I would go through hell for her. And I got married now I am going through hell.” Then the fifth guy countered, “Guys! Guys!! Wait a minute. If women are this bad, why are we always chasing after them?” And the first guy responded, “Because we can live without most things, but we can’t really live without our missing ribs.” 

After The Birthday Party

Josephine said to her best friend Dorothy, “It was terrible what happened yesterday after the birthday party. You know half of the birthday cake was left over. Well, I knew my husband would be fuming at me for eating it, with my diet and all, but I couldn’t help myself. It started with just a small nibble and before I knew it the whole cake was gone!”  And Dorothy exclaimed, “Oh my! Was your husband really upset?” With a full double chin smile, Josephine responded, “He never found out. I just baked another cake and ate half of it!”

Being Bilingual

When a new home-owner moved into an old house with her cat, she discovered a hole in the wall of the house, in which lived a mouse. Every day her cat would chase the mouse but he couldn’t catch it, and the mouse would laugh at him. One day, the cat just sat and waited outside of the mouse hole. The mouse was very scared because he could hear the cat outside of the hole, meowing. The cat just sat there and continued to meow.

Eventually, the meowing stopped and all the mouse could hear was ruff, ruff, ruff. The mouse now thinking that he had been saved, joyfully ran out of his hole; and the cat pounced on him and gobbled him up. And as the cat walked away smiling from ear to ear, he said to himself, “It pays to be bilingual.”

How Many Bars Do You Work At?

When an obviously stone drunk man walked into a bar, and asked for a drink, the bartender said, “Sorry, but you obviously already have had a little too much to drink.” Fuming mad, the drunk walked out the front door and walked in through the side door and asked, “Can I have a drink please?” And the bartender said, “Sorry, but you can’t have a drink here.” Then the drunk walked out and went in through the back door and asked, “Can I please have a drink?” And the bartender screamed “Enough! I have told you, no drinks for you!” The drunk then looked at the bartender closely, and exclaimed, “Damn! How many bars do you work at?”