Always Seek A Second Opinion

When Ben who had suffered from really bad headaches for the last 20 years, eventually decided to go and see a Doctor, the Doctor said, “Ben, the good news is I can cure your headaches, and the bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. And the only way to relieve the pressure is to remove your testicles.” Ben was shocked, depressed and wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife and the surgery cost him $15,000. When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. 

As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. Then he saw a Men's clothing store and thought, “That's what I need, a new Suit!” So he entered the shop and told the salesman, “I'd like a new Suit.” The elderly Tailor eyed him briefly and said, “Let's see, size 44 long.” And Ben laughed, “That's right. How did you know?” The Tailor replied, “Been in the business 60 years!” Ben tried on the suit it fitted perfectly. As Ben admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, “How about a new shirt?” Ben thought for a moment and then said, “Sure.” The salesman eyed Ben and said, “Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck.” Ben was surprised, “That's right. How did you know?” The Tailor again replied, “Been in the business 60 years.” Ben tried the shirt and it fitted perfectly.

And as Ben walked comfortably around the shop, the salesman asked, “How about some new Underwear?” Ben thought for a moment and said, “Sure.” And the salesman said, “Let's see, size 36.” Ben then laughed, “Ah ha! I got you! I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old.” The salesman shook his head and said, “You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your Testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a Headache.”

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On Argument

I am never in any argument to win. But when it is being argued that everything don't have to make sense, I will refuse to glorify senselessness.

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Some Random Facts_45

1.       ‘Kennedy' means ‘ugly head' in Gaelic.

2.       You can get a Stand-up comedy master's degree at the University of Kent.

3.       US$1 million will only get you 16 square metres of prime property in Monaco, 22 square metres in Hong Kong, and 25 square metres in New York.

4.       Alexander the Great's army conquered the world while wearing armour made of linen that could stop any arrow made at the time.

5.       Norway's Coat of Arms has a lion depicted, although there are no lions in Norway.

6.       The oldest D20 dice was uncovered in Egypt and dates back around 30 BC.

7.       The two parts to the word “helicopter” are “helico” meaning spiral, and “pter” meaning one with wings, like pterodactyl.

8.       The cuckoo in the world's largest cuckoo clock weighs 330 pounds.

A Blind Man Asked For More

A blind man walked into a store to buy a pair of bra for his wife, then realized that he had forgotten her size. And when he couldn't reach his wife, he shyly mentioned his predicament to the sales girl who looked around, and realizing that the store was empty, felt she could let him feel her breast and judge his wife's size from that.

So the sales girl pulled up her bra and asked the blind man to feel her breast and judge his wife's bra size. And obediently, the blind man complied, meticulously felt her breast and said, “Hmmmm, you are so lovely, and I almost forgot that she also needs panties.”

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What Would You Call It?

You gave your sugar daddy who is someone else’s husband, flowers, and he repackaged and gave to his wife, and his wife also repackaged and gave to her sugar-boy who is your boyfriend who finally gives it to you and you are now holding the flowers and saying to yourself, “Funny! This looks so familiar!!”

In Physics, it is called circular motion. In Chemistry, it is called chain reaction. In Philosophy, it is called karma. In Psychology it is called familiar spirit. In Church, it is called back to sender. In Life, it is called what goes around comes around. And in Computer Science, it is called looping. What would you call it?

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Why He Demanded For A DNA

After the safe delivery of their baby, the husband said to the doctor, “Doc, I want a DNA immediately which result must be ready before my wife is discharged.” As the wife and doctor were puzzling over his demand, he continued, “Look, sometime ago, a baby was born and minutes after, he began to speak and said, ‘I am going to live for only four days, my mother will die in five days and my father will die in ten days.’ Four days later when the boy really died and the mother died the next day, the father thinking he would be next, was beside himself. He sold all his belongings and spent the whole money. But on the tenth day, their gateman died.”

Understandably, the doctor calmly asked, “So what is the urgency in your demand for an immediate DNA?” And the husband replied, “So I know which home to take my wife!”

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Geographical Locations, Make A Difference

A man went to the famous Lucas Carton restaurant in Paris with his girlfriend and ordered the 1928 Mouton. The waiter returned with a bottle full of wine, and poured a small amount in the glass for tasting. The man picked up the glass, smelt the wine, and put it down on the table with a thud and said, “This is not the 1928 Mouton.” But the waiter assured him it was, and soon there were another twenty people surrounding the table including the chef and the manager trying to convince the man that the wine is the 1928 Mouton. Then someone asked him how he knew that it was not the 1928 Mouton. And he replied, “My name is Phillipe de Rothschild, and I make the wine.”

Finally, the original waiter stepped forward and admitted that he poured the Clerc Milon 1928, and said, “I could not bear to part with our last bottle of 1928 Mouton. You know Clerc Milon is in the same village as Mouton. You pick the grapes at the same time, the same cepage, you crush in the same way and put them into similar barrels. You bottle at the same time, you even use eggs from the same chickens to fine them. The wines are the same, except for a small matter of geographic location." And Rothschild beckoned the waiter forward, and whispers to him, “When you return home tonight, ask your girlfriend to remove her underwear. Put one finger in one opening, another finger in the other, pull out your fingers, then smell both fingers. You will then understand what difference a small distance in geographic location makes."

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Some Naughty Facts

1.       Some people love to spend lots of money buying new clothes but the best moments in life are enjoyed without clothes.

2.       Having a cold drink on a hot day with few friends is nice, but having a hot friend on a cold night after a few drinks, is priceless.

3.       Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore; a friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot dead by the woman's husband.

4.       Arguing over a girl’s breast size is like choosing between Star, Guilder, Fosters, Carlsberg and Budweiser. Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.

5.       Newton committed suicide when he saw a complete naked girl, and observed something going up in his pant, against his own laws of gravity.

6.       Vegetarian women are silent during sex because they are in state of shock that a piece of meat can give so much pleasure.

7.       Breasts are located in the upper half of a woman's body because milk should be kept away from the pussy.

8.       A blowjob is the only job in the world that can't be included in your resume despite years of experience and a number of references.

9.       If you have two balls between your legs it means you are a man. But if you have four, it does not mean that you are a superman. You must've guessed by now that someone's taking your ass.

10.   Bio teacher: Girls, the size of a penis should be 2.5 inches for successful penetration.
Girl: Ma'am, how about 9 inches?
Teacher: I was talking of necessity not luxury.

11.   All medicines have Side effects, only VIAGRA has Front effect.

12.   Burning love is when at night you reached out for the Vaseline gel and pick up Vicks by mistake

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Some Random Facts_44

1.       Self-driving cars play Grand Theft Auto to learn how to drive better.

2.       Lin Ching Lan is a deaf Taiwanese professional dancer and choreographer who feels the vibrations of music through wooden floors.

3.       The town of Dildo in Newfoundland has an annual festival, Dildo Days, which is led by their mascot, Captain Dildo.

4.       King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia was shocked when Queen Elizabeth II drove him around her estate, since women couldn't drive in his country.

5.       Catholics in Nicaragua, who observe Lent by abstaining from meat, make meals of armadillo or iguana instead.

6.       The record for the most Wimbledon titles is held by Professor Bernard Neal: he was croquet champion 38 times.

7.       In 1978, president Macías Nguema changed Equatorial Guinea's national motto to "There is no other God than Macías Nguema."

8.       More than four tons of old U.S. paper money is mulched into compost every day.

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On Love And Care

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of loving and caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. We should live so that when our children think of love, fairness, caring and integrity, they think of us. Caring for the family in all respects, is the most heroic thing parents should do for their children.

It promotes love, respect, gratitude and well-being. Children also learn how to love and care for their own families in future. We must let our sincerity in providing for their needs be exemplary. Love and care don’t have to be in great gifts, but in sharing whatever we have with our family in a very passionate and wholehearted manner. Parental maturity begins with love and care!

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His Prayer Request

One day when a businessman needed a million naira to close an important business transaction, he went to church to pray for the money. As he knelt and started praying, he overheard a man a few pews in front of him who was praying for a hundred naira he needed to pay an urgent debt. In anger, the businessman stopped praying, took out his wallet, walked up to the man and pressed a hundred naira into hand.

Overjoyed, the man got up and left the church. The businessman then knelt down, closed his eyes and prayed, "And now Lord, that I have your undivided attention, I need a million naira to close an important business transaction.”

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Leadership Over Showmanship_The Chinese Way

As a believer in “Sharing Is Caring,” I have to share the following by, Zhang Weiwei, Director, China Institute, Fudan University.

China’s rise has attracted global attention, and many have focused on China’s economic mode behind its rise, which is of course important. But China’s evolving political change has been somehow ignored by many. In fact, without much fanfare, China has established a system of meritocracy or what can be described as “selection plus election,” competent leaders are selected on the basis of performance and broad support, through a vigorous process of screening, opinion surveys, internal evaluations and various types of elections. This is much in line with the Confucian tradition of meritocracy. After all, China is the first country that invented civil service examination system or the “Keju” system.

Today, China practices – not always successfully, but on the whole successfully, meritocracy across the whole political stratum. Criteria based on poverty eradication, job creation, local economic growth, social development, increasingly, environmental protection, are all key criteria for selecting and promoting officials. A good example of this was the profiles of China’s new leaders elected at the 19th Party Congress. Six of the seven top leading members of the standing committee of the Politburo have run provinces or province-level municipalities, many of which in terms of population or GDP are equivalent to many nations combined. Indeed, the Chinese system of meritocracy today makes it inconceivable, that anyone as weak as George W. Bush or Donald Trump could ever come close to the position of the top leadership.

It’s not far-fetched to claim that the China model is more about leadership rather than the showmanship as in the West. China’s meritocratic governance challenges the stereotypical dichotomy of democracy versus autocracy. From Chinese point of view, the nature of the state including its legitimacy has to be defined by its substance that is good governance, competent leadership, and success in meeting the people’s needs. So despite its many deficiencies, the Chinese polity has delivered the world’s fastest economy and has vastly improved living standards for most Chinese. Winston Churchill’s famous dictum, “Democracy is the worst form of government except for all those other forms that have been tried.” Maybe true in the Western political and cultural context. And many Chinese even paraphrase Churchill’s remark into what Sun Tzu, China’s military strategist of the 6th century BC called, “Xiaxiace,” or the least bad option, which means a system that would allow for the exit of bad leaders through regular elections.

But in China’s Confucian tradition of meritocracy, a state should always strive for what’s called, “ShangShangCe,” or the best of the best options by choosing leaders of the highest calibre. This is by no means easy, but efforts to this end should be ceaseless and continuous. China’s political and institutional arrangements and innovation so far have produced a system, which has in many ways combined the best option of selecting well-tested competent leaders, and the least bad option of ensuring the exit of the leaders, who should exit for all kinds of reasons, through for instance, a collective leadership or age limits. The China’s model of “selection plus election” is by no means perfect. It’s still being improved upon. But it is well-positioned to compete with the Western model of popular democracy.

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Some Random Thoughts_2

1.       Maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.
2.       Your family won't always be there for you. It may seem funny, but people you aren't related to can take care of you and love you and teach you to trust people again. Families aren't biological.
3.       No matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
4.       It isn't always enough to be forgiven by others, Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
5.       Our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
6.       Just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.
7.       We don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
8.       You shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret, it could change your life forever.
9.       Two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
10.   Your life can be changed in a matter of minutes, by people who don't even know you.
11.   Even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.
12.   Credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
13.   The people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

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When I Lived In The World

Last night when I decided to take a short cut that passes through a cemetery, two men ran towards me and said, “We are scared of walking along this path at this time of night. May we join you?” And I smiled reassuringly and said, “Sure! I was usually scared too when I was living in the world,….” They shot out like arrows from bows before I could add, “…but now that I live in Christ, I have no fears.”

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Some Random Facts_43

1.       66% of Millennials in the U.S. have no money saved for retirement.

2.       Spinraza, a drug for spinal muscular atrophy, has a list price of $750,000.

3.       A study using MRI scans showed that the brains of people who exercise moderately look 10 years younger than those who don't.

4.       Installed in 1410, the world's oldest astronomical clock still in operation is in Prague.

5.       The world's most expensive perfume is Clive Christian No 1 Passant Guardant. It costs $143,000 for 30ml and comes in a flask studded with 2,000 diamonds.

6.       Scientists at the University of Alberta spent seven years working out that human urine contains 3,079 different chemical compounds.

7.       Mantis shrimps' eyes are more evolved than those of humans: they have four times as many colour receptors and can see UV, visible and polarised light.

8.       1 in 3 children can use a tablet before they can speak, a survey found.

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Failing To Plan, Is Planning To Fail

Once upon a time when a farmer who owned land along the Atlantic seacoast constantly advertised for hired hands, most people were reluctant to work on farms along the Atlantic. They dreaded the awful storms that raged across the Atlantic, wreaking havoc on the buildings and crops. One day as the farmer interviewed applicants for the job, he received a steady stream of refusals. But finally, a short, thin man, well past middle age, approached the farmer. “Are you a good farm hand?” the farmer asked him. And the little man replied, “Well, I can sleep when the wind blows.”

Although puzzled by his answer, but desperate for help, he decided to hire him. The little man worked well around the farm, busy from dawn to dusk, and the farmer felt well satisfied with his work. Then one night, the wind howled in loudly from offshore. Jumping out of bed, the farmer grabbed a lantern and rushed next door to the hired hand's sleeping quarters. He shook the little man and yelled, “Get up! A storm is coming! Tie things down before they blow away! And the little man rolled over in bed and said firmly, “No sir, I told you, I can sleep when the wind blows.”

Enraged by the response, the farmer was tempted to fire him on the spot. Instead, he hurried outside to prepare for the storm. To his amazement, he discovered that all of the haystacks had been covered with tarpaulins. The cows were in the barn, the chickens were in the coop and the doors were barred. The shutters were tightly secured. Everything was tied down. Nothing could blow away. The farmer then understood what his hired hand meant, so he returned to his bed to also sleep while the wind blew. May we be granted the grace to prepare spiritually, mentally and physically, that we may have nothing to fear!

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Some Random Thoughts

1.       You can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

2.       It may take you a long time to become the person you want to be.

3.       You should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

4.       You are responsible for what you do, no matter how you feel.

5.       Learn to control your attitude or it will control you.

6.       Regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.

7.       Heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

8.       Money is a lousy way of keeping score.

9.       Best friends can do anything or nothing and still have the best time.

10.   Sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones to help you get back up.

11.   Sometimes when you are angry and you do have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give you the right to be cruel.

12.   True friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

13.   That just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

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Some Random Facts_42

1.       Dynamite was originally going to be called, “Nobel's Safety Powder.”

2.       A single human being's DNA contains as much information as fifty novels.

3.       All galaxies, regardless of size, rotate once every billion years.

4.       While filming, "The Wizard of Oz," 16-year-old Judy Garland was put on a diet of chicken soup, coffee, and 80 cigarettes a day.

5.       The Museum of Bread Culture in Ulm, Germany, has a collection of over 18,000 objects, none of which is bread.

6.       When Czechoslovakia split, it split not only the country, but also the national anthem, which had verses both in Czeck and Slovak language.

7.       Three of the four members of Metallica divorced their wives during the recording of The Black Album due to its troubled production.

8.       A cyberchondriac, is someone who scours the Internet looking for details of their illnesses.

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The Easter Eggs

When during a Sunday school class the teacher asked, “Why does the Easter Bunny hide Easter eggs?” Joseph raised his hand, stood up and with a mischievous smile on his face said, “Because he doesn't want anyone to know, he's been screwing the chickens!”

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