Wednesday 31 August 2016

The Most Important Days

 While it is true that one day is as important as the other, I believe that the three consecutive days of yesterday, today and tomorrow are the most important. I appreciate these three days more as useful tools; as yesterday being history that can't be changed, you can’t enjoy and use any presumed reality of today, if you fail to appreciate the tutelage of yesterday. Therefore, we must appreciate that our experiences and lessons of yesterday, form the foundation upon which today that is a product of yesterday has been built. So, use the experiences and lessons of yesterday to effectively manage and enjoy the realities of today.
 
And as today becomes the yesterday of tomorrow, tomorrow ceases to be as much a mystery as would be perceived. For he who fails to plan, has planned to fail. So, never forget your yesterday which has become your great teacher because you can now build on your experiences of yesterday to produce a better today, which will become your tomorrow; to create an almost mystery-free tomorrow.

Tuesday 30 August 2016

Confident And Confidential

While in the garden, little James walked up to his father and asked, “Dad, what is the difference between confident and confidential?” His father smiled mischievously and said, “Let me put it in a nutshell. You are my son. Of that, I am confident. And Peter your friend next door, is also my son. That is confidential.” 

Monday 29 August 2016

The Change Of Plan

One day while a young man and his wife were in their bedroom having sex and a bee suddenly flew into the bedroom, the husband quickly withdrew and tried to chase away or kill the bee. But before the young lady could close her parted legs, the bee entered her vagina. She started screaming, "Oh my God! Help me! The bee has entered my vagina!" The husband immediately rushed her to the local doctor and explained the situation. The doctor thought for a moment and said, "Hmm, tricky situation. But I have a solution to the problem if young sir would permit." The husband being very concerned agreed that the doctor could use whatever method to get the bee out of his wife's vagina. The doctor then said, "OK, what I'm gonna do is rub some honey over the tip of my penis and insert it into your wife's vagina. When I feel the bee getting closer to the tip of my penis I shall withdraw it and the bee should hopefully follow my penis out of your wife's vagina.”

While the husband nodded and gave his approval, his wife said, "Yes, yes, whatever. Just get on with it." So the doctor after covering the tip of his penis with honey inserted it into the young lady's vagina. And after a few gentle strokes, the doctor said, "I don't think the bee has taken notice of the honey yet. Perhaps I should go a bit deeper." So he went deeper and deeper. After a while when the doctor began shafting the young lady very hard indeed, she began to quiver with excitement, moaning and groaning aloud. And as the doctor concentrated and looking like he was enjoying himself, he then put his hands on the young lady's breasts and started making loud noises. At this point, the husband suddenly became very annoyed and shouted, "Now, wait a minute! What the Hell do you think you're doing?" The doctor still continued and replied, "Change of plan! I'm gonna drown the bastard!"

Sunday 28 August 2016

Daily Devotion

May we be granted the strength to accept, appreciate and be thankful for the things that we cannot change, the courage and wisdom to change the things that we can, and the wisdom to know and appreciate the difference.

May the sun bring us new energy by day, the moon softly restore us by night, the rain wash away our worries, the breeze blow new strength into our being especially during the times of trials and stress; as we walk gently through the world and appreciating its beauty all the days of our lives

Friday 26 August 2016

Uncanny Diagnosis

When a young doctor moved to a small community to replace an older doctor who was retiring, the older doctor suggested that the young doctor accompany him on his rounds, so the community could become used to a new doctor. At the first house a woman complained, “I've been a little sick to my stomach.” The older doctor said, “Well, you've probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Why not cut back on the amount you've been eating and see if that does the trick?” As they left her house, the younger doctor said, “You didn't even examine that woman. How'd you come to the diagnosis so quickly?” The older doctor smiled knowingly and said, “Well, I didn't have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there. When I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash. That was what probably was making her sick.” The younger doctor said, “Huh! That was pretty clever. I think I'll try that at the next house.”

And when they arrived at the next house, they spent several minutes talking with a younger woman who complained, “I just don’t have the amount of energy that I once had. I'm feeling terribly run down lately.” Quickly and enthusiastically, the younger doctor told her, “You've probably been doing too much work for the Church. Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps.” As they left, the older doctor said, “I know that woman well. Your diagnosis is almost certainly correct, but how did you arrive at it?” And the younger doctor replied, “Well, I did what you did at the last house. I dropped my stethoscope and when I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed the deacon under the bed.”

Thursday 25 August 2016

Don’t Involve Others

After a couple had a quarrel during dinner, the wife stormed out of the dining room and went straight to bed. The husband stayed behind, cleaned up and went to watch television in the living. After a while, he went to the bedroom and slept on the couch. Later in the night, the husband woke up, held his penis and said, “You had better go back to sleep! Didn’t you see that we are quarrelling?”

Immediately, the wife turned to him and scolded, “You better don't involve others in our quarrel! The case is between you and I! So allow him to come and play with his friend."

Tuesday 23 August 2016

The Lord Said, Go Ye Forth And Seek

While surfing the Internet in search of this elusive lover/companion, a lady said, “I am neither saying that I am interested and available, nor am I saying that I am not interested and available. But pardon me sir, why haven’t you found one in this midst of plenty? Or are you looking for a perfect woman? Why don’t you wait on the Lord to provide one for you?” I laughed so hard, the lady asked, “What is so funny that you want to bring down your roof?”

After I had composed myself, I responded, “Please forgive me. But why on earth would any sane man dream of finding a perfect woman or wait on the Lord to provide one for him? Didn’t them, say He did that only once, and neither He nor Adam ever got over the shock and consequences? And thereafter He said to go ye forth and seek?”

Be Grateful

While Kelly lamented, “What I wouldn’t give to have Ama’s perfect figure! Just look at her striding majestically down the street. I’m guessing she should be about 35 yet she has the body of a 20 year old.  I on the other hand look like an inflated balloon thanks to my kids. Having 3 kids took a great toll on my once amazing figure. I truly love my kids but I wish I had Ama’s figure as well”.

Ama was envious, “I get so green with envy whenever I see Kelly with her family. She has a loving husband, 3 beautiful kids and a good job. What do I have? Just a job, I have no one to come home to, no kids to call me ‘mummy.’ Almost all my friends are married with kids yet here I am, a spinster at age 36. How I would like to be Kelly for a day, just to know what it feels like to have kids and a loving husband.”

And while Joe says, “There goes Mr. Nkum, owner of a conglomerate and one of the country’s millionaires. Rumour has it that he is so wealthy he can buy Maserati for all 26 million Ghanaians and still have more than enough to last him a life time. Ha! What I could do with just a fraction of his wealth. I am the C.E.O of a carpentry shop. Yeah! Even if I have only 2 workers I’m still the boss so I am a C.E.O too! I haven’t had a contract for the past 3 months. The chamber and hall I call home keeps getting smaller with the birth of each child and guess what?  Baby number 6 is on its way. It wouldn’t hurt to be in Mr. Nkum’s shoes at all. With all that money I am certain my family and I would finally know what true happiness is”.

Mr. Nkum reflects, “You only realize how limited money is when it cannot buy life. I have barely 3 months to live and it kills me to know that there is nothing I can do to save myself. I used to think poverty was worse than death but now that death is staring at me in the face, I beg to differ. I would gladly be Joe, the carpenter down the street and live in abject poverty, rather than die. Waiting for death is worse than death itself”.

And while Jane moaned, “Months into the semester yet I haven’t been able to afford a decent weave or braids. I almost never have enough money. The worst part is that I have to constantly sit in class with Ewurabena who changes her hairstyle every two weeks. Goodness! Her braids look so beautiful. That must have cost at least 100gh. That amount of money could do wonders for my hair. Really! I could braid twice (yeah, my ghetto hairdresser charges very little).  This world is simply unfair”

Ewurabena laments, “I am the epitome of ‘brenya’ (local slang for someone who has little hair) . It’s as though my hair grows a quarter of an inch every 6 months. Jane is so hairy! She has such silky straight hair she could sell it to the less fortunate like me. Braiding and wearing weaves all year round is hard work. The heat is unbearable! If I had such fine hair as Jane, I would never cover it up!”

Sometimes the shoes you are dying to be in are much tighter and uncomfortable than they actually look. The grass that looks so green on the other side might just be an illusion. Nothing is perfect, we all have our challenges. Be content. Wear your shoes and keep walking, they might get comfortable with time. Be Grateful.

Monday 22 August 2016

Some Wrong Philosophies

1.       Whatever Will Be, Will Be: Whatever will be, will not be; you will have to make it be. You have a part to play in what will be in your life. So don't leave it to chance.

2.       Half Bread Is Better Than None: Why settle for half bread when you can get a whole loaf of bread or even own a bakery. This is a limiting belief that positions you to settle for less and it is a mediocre to philosophy.


3.       A Fool At Forty Is A Fool Forever: A fool at any age can be a fool forever if he refuses to let go of his foolishness. It is never too late to become wise because the day you wake up and wise up is the day you CHANGE!

4.       All Fingers Are Not Equal: Yes! Physical fingers in your hands are not equal but that does not make any of them valueless. Lose one and you realize that they are all valuable. You are not even a finger, so why look down on yourself.


5.       Life Begins At Forty: If you are below forty and believe this, I feel so sorry for you because it means you are not yet alive.

6.       What Goes Up Must Come Down: Is your age coming down? Is your wisdom and knowledge coming down? Is the price of goods coming down? Think my friend!


7.       He Who Laugh Last, Laughs Best!: Why laugh last when you can laugh always and why laugh best when laughter is not a competition. When we programmed ourselves with these strange philosophies, they limit and restrict us.

“When you change the way you think and talk, you will change your world. You have the opportunity to RECREATE YOUR WORLD. THAT IS YOUR GREAT ESCAPE.”

Saturday 20 August 2016

Saturday Questions And Answers

Question: Why women love shoes?
Answer: Because no matter how much and whatever they eat, the shoes will always fit

Question: Why can't Women Drive well?
Answer: Because there are so many mirrors in a car to distract them.

Question: Why can't Women stand a day in a Jungle?
Answer: Because there are no Shopping Centers in a jungle.

Question: How do you save a Dying Woman?
Answer: Just tell her about a 90% Sales Discount going on somewhere.

Question: Who invented the phrase, "All men are the same?"
Answer: A Chinese woman who lost her husband in a crowd.

Question: Why are wives, called magicians?
Answer: Because they can change anything into an argument.

Friday 19 August 2016

Mission Accomplished

One evening after dinner, a wife turned to her husband and said, “Honey, you have changed so much! Since we got married, you have stopped taking me out, we don't eat at the restaurant anymore and you have also stopped giving me money for my hair. And you have also stopped being romantic. You don't even say how beautiful I am anymore.”

The husband though looking dazed, laughed hysterically and asked, “Darling, have you ever seen a politician campaigning after winning an election?”

Thursday 18 August 2016

Daily Affirmation

May today and everyday put Smiles on our Faces, Love in our Hearts, Kindness in our Actions, Healthfulness and Gratitude in our Lives.

And may we be granted the courage to be Fair, Caring and Honest in our Actions.

Wednesday 17 August 2016

Why Finding A Husband Is Hard

I have learned why finding a husband is hard,
* You find a handsome one, the brain is empty.
* You find a brilliant one, he looks too serious.
* You find a rich one, he is disrespectful.
* You find a hard-working one, he never has time for you.
* You find a serious one, his EX keeps calling.
* You find a humble one, he is broke.
* You find a responsible one, he is not romantic.
* You find an educated one, he feels he is always right.
* You find an illiterate one, he always gets angry whenever you correct him.
* You find a smart one, he lies every time.
* You find the right one, he's married.

Monday 15 August 2016

Respect Other People’s Opinions

When a man was laying flowers on his wife’s grave, he saw a Chinese man putting a plate of rice on the grave next to hers. So the man went to the Chinese man and asked jokingly, “Excuse me sir, do you really think that the dead will come to eat that rice?” And the Chinese man replied, “Yes, when yours come to smell their flowers.”

So, respecting the opinion of other people is one of the biggest virtues a human being can have. People are all different, that is why they all act and think differently. So don’t judge, just respect and have the courage to appreciate when other people don’t accept or believe in your foreign religions and beliefs.

Be Reminded

Today and every day, you should appreciate that none of us is getting out of here alive; so please stop treating yourself like you are an afterthought. Eat that delicious food. Walk in the sunshine. Jump in the ocean. Say the truth that you’re carrying in your heart like hidden treasure.

And learn to talk less and listen more, because when you talk, you are only repeating what you already know; but when you listen, you will surely learn something new. Be silly. Be kind. Be grateful. Be even weird. There’s no time for anything else.

Sunday 14 August 2016

Good Parenting

As it takes two to make children, so does it take to parent their children. So, a parent’s influence goes to the fourth generation after him or her. Whitney Houston’s parents Emily (Cissy) and John Houston divorced when she was at kindergarten. Together with lover, Bobby Brown, Whitney smoked crack in the presence of their 5 year old daughter, Bobbi Kristina. At 22, Bobbi died of drug abuse. And her mother Whitney died at 48 on similar grounds. Great careers and more importantly, great lives were lost due to weak parenthood.

While there is little you can do about your ancestors, there is something that you can do about your descendants. One thing that prevents a man or woman from being a good parent is that he or she hasn’t completed being a boy or girl. To be in your children’s’ memory tomorrow, you have to be in their lives’ today.  Having kids doesn’t make you a parent. But raising them does.

There are many of us who were brought up in unstable families but we don’t have to pass it on to our children. We don’t have to fight in the presence of our children. We can choose to shield their emotions from our disputes as adults. To a large extent, you are a product of your early relationships

Unstable parents create insecure children. Stable parents raise stable children. Children need affection (hugs, kisses), attention (listening) and affirmation (positive words), every day. When a couple loves each other, it creates security and stability. The best gift a parent can give his or her children is to love his or her partner. Children learn how to handle feelings, lose, failure and conflicts at home.

Regrettably, parenting can neither be delegated nor suspended for a while as we work for the ring of fame and fortune. The growth of children is irreversible. Like a young tree, it takes the bends directed by the gardener, so is the life of a child. You can’t shape it in adulthood; you can’t pick it from where you left after you reach at the top in your career pursuits.  It’s always easier to model young children than to rehabilitate grown up adults.

If you invest in your child, you don’t have to invest for your child. Children require presence not presents. No amount of gifts and meeting financial obligations can replace your personal presence. Any written will can be torn in a few years after the demise of the writer of the will. The only sure inheritance that you can leave behind is the investment you make in your child not for your child.

Saturday 13 August 2016

Why I Love The Old Times

Please take me back to the old times any day. Yes, I love and miss the old times; when Dads would work diligently, Moms were at home cooking delicious and nourishing meals, Brothers went into teacher training colleges, the civil service, police and army, Sisters got married BEFORE having children, Divorce was unthinkable and Children would behave!

When Crime did not pay, but Hard work did and people knew and appreciated the difference. Those old times when Husbands were loving, Wives were supportive and Children were polite. When Men wore the trousers and Women wore the dresses. And Women looked like ladies, Men looked like gentlemen and Children looked decent. People loved the truth, hated lies and immorality, dishonesty and corruption were distasteful.

To be called a friend was worth living for, while to be called a traitor was a shame. Sex was a personal word, Homosexuality was an unheard of word and Abortion was an illegal word. When we didn’t have to wait for total strangers asking us to believe and accept their Gods, even when their own people think differently. But when we knew, revered and believed in our Creators and Gods. Give me those old times! They are good enough for me!

Friday 12 August 2016

Some Things Happy People Do Differently

Happy people always express gratitude. They never let the things they want, make them forget about the things they have.

Happy people savor all of life’s joys. They appreciate that the real beauty of life is in each precious moment; and stop to smell the roses.

They commit to their goals. Most people who fail at reaching their dreams, fail not from lack of ability but from lack of commitment.

They cultivate optimism, and stay positive. When it rains, they look for rainbows. And when it is dark, they look for stars.

They don’t over-think, because they appreciate thinking too much only complicate their lives and create problems that weren’t even there in the first place

They avoid social comparison because most of their insecurities come from comparing behind-the-scenes with other people’s high-light reel.

Happy people increase the flow of experiences; flow being a state where they are so focused it feels like time stands still, doing what they love and challenging themselves is how they get there.

And happy people nurture their relationships. Infact, the happiest people alive have deep, meaningful relationships, nurture them and watch them grow. You can start yours right now!

Thursday 11 August 2016

THE TIME TO RESCUE NIGERIA HAS COME _ JOIN OCCUPYNASS2- UNLTD _ DATE- OCTOBER 10, 2016

OUR DEMANDS

1. We Demand the Total Transparency of NASS: Let the Legislators make their budget open. They should also join the Treasury Single Account (TSA).  NASS should put an end to Unconstitutional Constituency Projects.

2. Financial Prudence and Anti-Corruption: We demand for the Death Penalty to the politically corrupt. No Fraudulent Salaries/Gratuities to NASS members. Legislative business should become a Part-Time job for efficiency and to save money.

3. We Demand a Legislative Bill for a Referendum to determine the Legislature for the operation of Unicameral Legislation in Nigeria. This demand will require that the current Nigerian National Assembly Structure be Scrapped.

4. We demand for Legislative Framework that includes the Payment of Civil Servants Salary as the first line charge for all civil servants at all levels of Government. Constitutional Amendment to grant financial autonomy for Local Governments. There should be a constitutional amendment for Power Generation/Management to be included in the concurrent legislative list.

5. We are demanding the Constitutional Amendment for the removal of immunity for all Political office Holders with regards to Criminal Matters.

Visit www.occupy.org.ng to register
If you really love Nigeria and care about the future, send this to fifteen people you care about
·         I will be joining the march, Will you?

How To Surprise Bacteria

During a routine interaction with his patient when the doctor asked, “Why did you take your antibiotic medication at 6 am, when I specifically told you 9 am?” The patient replied, “I wanted to take the Bacteria by surprise.”

Wednesday 10 August 2016

Bruce Lee's Water Theory

"Empty your mind, be formless, shapeless, like water. You put water in a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water in a bottle, it becomes the bottle. You put water in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Water can flow, or it can crash. Be water my friend."
-Bruce Lee ​​​​​​​

Water is versatile. Put water in any circumstance and it will still adapt. When temperatures are high, it becomes steam. But sooner or later, it condenses and takes back its form. You can freeze it, but it will eventually melt. Water is formless, shapeless, and ever adaptable.  It's simple. The world we live in is what we perceive it to be. Like water, we have to trust that whatever happens to us is what we make of it. Just as boiling water can scald and burn, it can also cook and purify. Nothing is neither good or bad. It is what it is.

A river does not expect, it just flows. Be persistent like moving water. Advance towards your dreams without hesitation or fear. Let your passion guide you - just like how gravity pulls the river. As we flow through the path of life, don't let challenges and obstacles stagnate you. Move around it. Keep pushing at the rocks. With time, even the smallest of streams can cut through mountains.

Tuesday 9 August 2016

The Tease

One day when my wife teased, “Our neighbour kisses his wife every day before he goes to work. How come you never do?” I quickly replied, “Honey! How could I? I don’t even know her!”

Monday 8 August 2016

Know Your Friends

I have learnt that everybody isn’t your friend. Just because you hang around together, drink together, eat together and laugh together doesn’t mean they are your friends. People pretend a lot, and pretend well too. But at the end of the day, real situations do expose the fake people, so pay attention.

Sunday 7 August 2016

At Your Wedding

At a wedding reception, a Priest was seated next to an Imam. And when the meal tray arrived, the Priest asked for the Pork chops while the Imam had Chicken breast. A few minutes into their meals, the Priest looked at the Imam, teasingly licked his lips and said, “Wow, this Pork chops really taste good. I know it’s against your religion, but when are you going to be realistic and finally have some?” The Imam thought for a moment, smiled and responded, “That will be at your wedding!”

Saturday 6 August 2016

The Private Investigator

When a man suspected his wife was seeing another man, he hired a private investigator to watch and report on her activities. On the third day, he received the following report.

MOST HONORABLE SIR,
YOU LEAVE HOUSE, I WATCH HOUSE.
HE COME TO HOUSE, I WATCH.
HE AND SHE LEAVE HOUSE, I FOLLOW.
HE AND SHE GO IN HOTEL, I CLIMB TREE AND I LOOK IN WINDOW.
HE KISS SHE, SHE KISS HE.
HE STRIP SHE, SHE STRIP HE.
HE PLAY WITH SHE, SHE PLAY WITH HE.
I PLAY WITH ME, AND I FALL OUT OF TREE. I NOT SEE.
NO FEE.
BOB LEE.

Friday 5 August 2016

In This Journey Called Life

In this journey that we call life, everything happens for a reason. Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there. They serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson or help figure out who you are or who you want to become. You never know who these people may be; your roommate, your neighbour, professor, long lost friend, lover or even a complete stranger who, when you lock eyes with them, you know that very moment that they will affect your life in some profound way. And sometimes things happen to you and at the time they seem horrible, painful and unfair, but in reflection you realize that without overcoming those obstacles you would never have realized your potential, strength and will power of heart.

Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of good or bad luck. Illness, injury, love, lost moments or true greatness and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of the soul. Without these small tests, if they be events, illnesses or relationships, life would be like a smooth paved, straight, flat road to nowhere. Safe and comfort but dull and utterly pointless. The people you meet who affect your life and successes and downfalls you experience, they are the ones who create who you are. Even the bad experience can be learned from. Those lessons are the hardest and probably the most important ones.

If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart; forgive them, for they have helped you to learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to whom you open your heart. If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally; not only because they love you, but because they are teaching you to love and opening your heart and eyes to things you would have never seen or felt without them. Make every day count. Appreciate every moment and take from it everything that you possibly can, for you may never be able to experience it again. Talk to people you have never talked to before, and actually listen, let yourself fall in love, break free and set your sights high. You can make of your life anything you wish. Create your own life and then go out and live it. I wish you all the best in your endeavours as well as struggles in this journey we call life. Have a fighting spirit and never hesitate to get back in the struggle.

Thursday 4 August 2016

A Grateful Wife’s Offer

Though a wife was really pissed off when she found out that her husband was cheating on her with a woman named Susan, she decided to formally offer her, her husband with the following letter.

Dear Susan,

While I thank you for leaving bite marks all over my husband’s chest last night, I wish you to know that you have just saved my family from a nightmare. And to reward you for your services, I am offering you my husband for keeps. Please note that your prize comes with the following.

Since he'll soon be broke, be prepared to support him in all ways! You are going to have to financially support him, because as you already know, we have two children which means, he will have to give up a sizeable chunk of his pay and other earnings to support them in the manner they deserve. Also keep in mind that since he has kept me a stay at home mother for the better part of 12 years, he will also be paying me alimony. So forget about his money honey because it’s mine!

You will have to provide him with new attire. You see after he stepped from our (now mine) shower this morning dripping wet and naked is when I discovered your “love bites.” And it just so happened that at that exact moment a giant black hole appeared in my home and devoured almost all of his clothing. Therefore, he will come to you almost naked (lucky you). The bright side is that you can now dress him any way you wish.

What you should never do is get between his children’s relationship with him. You will be giving him up every other weekend to be with his children. And since he had openly admitted in front of several people that you are just some dumb drunk that he met at the pub, you will be banned from these visits for fear for my children’s safety.

I know you didn’t make love to him last night and you will not be having a proper sex life, because since his back injury 5 years ago, his manhood hasn’t worked right. Too bad for you because before then, it was the best sex ever and we made love all the time! No, it can’t be fixed! Its nerve got damaged! So, deal with it. And no, you will not return him to me because I won’t have him back. He messed up when he touched you! I was a good wife to him and he had a good thing here. And I know you can’t live up to me and he will make you miserable for it! Good Bye.

Wednesday 3 August 2016

Uncanny Honesty

One evening a man walked up to a beautiful lady sitting by herself in a bar and said, “Hi, I’m a Senator, and I’m an honest man. May I buy you a drink, a dinner and a boutique?” The lady smiled knowingly and responded, “Hi, I’m a prostitute and I’m a virgin.”

Tuesday 2 August 2016

A Good Relationship

A good relationship is when two
people accept each other’s past.
Support each other’s present.
And love each other enough to
encourage each other’s future.
So don’t rush love.
Seek for a partner who will
encourage you to grow.
Who won’t cling to you.
Who will let you go out
into the world, and trust
that you will come back.
This is what true love is all about.

Monday 1 August 2016

Some Facts To Remember

Here are some important facts to remember as you grow older.
1.       Death is the number 1 killer in the world.
2.       Life is sexually transmitted.
3.       Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
4.       Give a person a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a person how to use the Internet and he won’t bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.
5.       Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital and dying of nothing.
6.       All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
7.       In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make the world normal.
8.       Don’t worry about old age; it doesn’t last that long.