Good Parenting

As it takes two to make children, so does it take to parent their children. So, a parent’s influence goes to the fourth generation after him or her. Whitney Houston’s parents Emily (Cissy) and John Houston divorced when she was at kindergarten. Together with lover, Bobby Brown, Whitney smoked crack in the presence of their 5 year old daughter, Bobbi Kristina. At 22, Bobbi died of drug abuse. And her mother Whitney died at 48 on similar grounds. Great careers and more importantly, great lives were lost due to weak parenthood.

While there is little you can do about your ancestors, there is something that you can do about your descendants. One thing that prevents a man or woman from being a good parent is that he or she hasn’t completed being a boy or girl. To be in your children’s’ memory tomorrow, you have to be in their lives’ today.  Having kids doesn’t make you a parent. But raising them does.

There are many of us who were brought up in unstable families but we don’t have to pass it on to our children. We don’t have to fight in the presence of our children. We can choose to shield their emotions from our disputes as adults. To a large extent, you are a product of your early relationships

Unstable parents create insecure children. Stable parents raise stable children. Children need affection (hugs, kisses), attention (listening) and affirmation (positive words), every day. When a couple loves each other, it creates security and stability. The best gift a parent can give his or her children is to love his or her partner. Children learn how to handle feelings, lose, failure and conflicts at home.

Regrettably, parenting can neither be delegated nor suspended for a while as we work for the ring of fame and fortune. The growth of children is irreversible. Like a young tree, it takes the bends directed by the gardener, so is the life of a child. You can’t shape it in adulthood; you can’t pick it from where you left after you reach at the top in your career pursuits.  It’s always easier to model young children than to rehabilitate grown up adults.

If you invest in your child, you don’t have to invest for your child. Children require presence not presents. No amount of gifts and meeting financial obligations can replace your personal presence. Any written will can be torn in a few years after the demise of the writer of the will. The only sure inheritance that you can leave behind is the investment you make in your child not for your child.