Why Am I Obsessed?

And who wouldn’t be? I just can’t stop wondering why they keep asking me why I am so obsessed with, “Going back to our roots.” And the more they are at it, the more I wonder whether I am the only one, thinking. Do we have to start, “A Think Revolution?” But come to think of it, what is really there to think about, before we appreciate those values in our roots? Aren’t some of us, products of when we knew our Creator and called Him by different names according to our different tribes and ethnicity? When we revered Him, obeyed Him, loved Him, and above all, were our brothers’ keepers? When we had rulers, leaders and parents, with honour, morality, love, good ethics and self-esteem? And if we now claim ignorance, why don’t we use the abilities with which we hypocrically and gullibly quote the history of other tribes, to learn about the abundant qualities in our roots?

Since it is said that, “Only a fool keeps doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results;” and we have been experimenting with alien life-styles and swearing by the Bible/Quran in one hand and stealing with the other hand simultaneously, for decades without any positive results, I humbly advocate that we go back to our roots and revive our original oath taking. I think we need, “A Think Revolution,” to help us think about how the white man came with the God of Israel, promised us salvation through their churches. Then one day, God woke up and realized that those churches can’t save mankind. So God started calling individual Nigerians to start their individual churches to save His people. What a crap? Now what do we have? We now have church owners, who God speaks to, per minute per minute. He now tells them that their garments have become curative. He even tells them that women shouldn’t wear pants, to allow His easy entry.

They chant we are serving the Almighty God, we are serving the All-Knowing God, but they collect tithes and donations from treasury looters and murderers of the masses, and live in luxury at the expense of the masses. They gladly perform dedications of schools, businesses and mansions built with looted funds. And every day, we are standing by and watching our morals going down the drain. The other day when a married woman told her husband’s friend, that she wished to do contracts, she was told, “Madam, doing contracts isn’t a very safe and honourable job for a married woman. Some men would like to sleep with you.” But nonchalantly, the woman said, “Uncle, but they will use condoms.” Don’t ask me if this won’t happen in our roots. Check it out for yourselves. After all, aren’t you so good at knowing the history of foreign tribes?

How He Found Out

When a police officer, who was scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule at 2 in the morning, he did not want to wake his wife. So he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed. Just then, his wife sleepily sat up and said, "John, darling, would you go down to the all-night drug store on the next street and get me some aspirin? I've got a splitting headache."

Dutifully, the husband said, "Certainly, honey." And feeling his way across the dark room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store. As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise and said, "I know you. Aren't you a policeman? You are Officer John, yes?" And John replied, "Yeah, and so?" And the pharmacist asked, "Well what the heck are you doing all dressed like the Fire Chief?"

The Honour Code

When my eldest daughter shared the following message, I smiled for so many reasons. I smiled, because it enacts my belief that our salvation lies in going back to our roots. I smiled, because it enacts the fact that, “Civilization, started from Africa.” I smiled, because while we hypocrically and gullibly quote the history of other tribes in modern religions, we are so ignorant about the quality in our roots. And above all, I smile, because we didn’t lack honour, morality, love and ethics in our roots.

Message from the Morning Man, by Kojo Yankson

Here's a quick story: While on Washington and Lee University Campus a couple of weeks ago, I walked every morning past the library on my way to the School of Media Studies, where my office was. I noticed that students would leave their backpacks in a pile at the door and walk into the library with just books in their hands. I could see the corners of laptops sticking out of their backpacks, and I was immediately alarmed and intrigued in equal measure. I wanted to ask them whether they weren’t worried about losing their valuables, but I was a stranger in town, and I felt too shy to walk up to students I don’t know and ask them awkward questions.

Later in the week, I was sitting in the large student canteen, which had a seating area and a serving area. I observed several students leaving their cell phones, cameras and laptops on their tables to go for their food in the serving area. Again, I was baffled by their apparent lack of regard for their valuables. It was a busy canteen with all kinds of people bobbing and weaving through the tables. Anyone could just grab one or more of these unattended gadgets and disappear with it. I couldn’t contain my curiosity any longer, so I turned to the professor I was having lunch with and asked, “Why does everyone leave their valuables unattended on this campus?”

Professor Aly Colón (you may Google him) smiled and said, “Because of the Honour Code”.

Like all old and distinguished institutions, Washington and Lee University is steeped in rich tradition and conventions. One of such conventions is the Honour Code. It is basically a code of conduct established in the 1840s, when it was still an all-male college, to govern the behaviour of all students. The purpose was to ensure that each student would “conduct himself as a gentleman”, which basically meant that a W&L student would never lie, cheat or steal. Almost 180 years after its establishment, the code continues to enjoy the strictest observance and adherence from the entire student body. Now I'm sure some of you are thinking, "That can never happen in Ghana". Perhaps you're right. But I hope you're not.

The most unique aspect of the honour code is that it is administered by the students themselves. It is not imposed on them by the authorities. They own the code, and they live by it because they believe in it. The code has applications and implications that go far beyond leaving expensive stuff unattended. Students of W&L choose when to write their own final exams, and they sit the papers unsupervised. Imagine that! While some institutions in Ghana are conducting full body searches before allowing students to write exams, while regions like Brong Ahafo alone are accounting for fifty percent of all exam cheats with a whopping 4000 cases, while all this is happening here, there exists a place in this world where students sit exams when they want, where they want, invigilate themselves AND DO NOT CHEAT!

But why not? Why do the students of W&L stick to the honour code? Why don't they take advantage of the fact that nobody is watching them to lie, steal and cheat for their personal advancement? After all, if you can get away with it, why not? Right?

Well it depends on your definition of honour. The Washington Post published an article a couple of years ago on W&L's honour code. They asked a 20 year old undergrad why she was so confident that her colleagues were sticking to the code. “I highly doubt any of my peers would take advantage of it,” she said. “None of us want to disappoint each other. If somebody cheats, it’s an insult to the entire community.”

My people, that's the message right there! Honour is not an individual thing, it is a communal character. When you are dishonest, you are not only bringing shame to yourself, you are breaching the trust placed in you by the community. You are telling those who believed in you that you are smart and they are stupid. At Washington and Lee, you get expelled after one breach of the Honour Code. No second chances. If you are given such trust and you abuse it, you lose the right to be part of their enlightened society.

Now, is that the case in Ghana? What happens when people are caught lying, cheating or stealing - especially in public office? Are they removed from the position of trust? Or are they protected, preserved and often promoted? What message are we sending to the outside world about Ghanaian honour? Is it part of our communal character, or do we all think Honour "can never happen in Ghana"? Well, perhaps you're right, but I hope you're wrong.

My name is Kojo Yankson, and I am a Ghanaian. That means when I promise, I promise on my Honour! Do you?

GOOD MORNING, GHANAFO!

GOOD MORNING, NAIJA!

Why Don’t We Really Go Religious?

The other day when I opined that we should go back to our roots, a brother thought that would be going back to idolatry. And I began to wonder how our roots would fare, compared with the following biblical ways to acquire a wife.

1.      Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she's yours. (Deuteronomy 21:11-13)

2.      Find a prostitute and marry her. (Hosea 1:1-3)

3.      Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock. (Moses--Exodus 2:16-21)

4.      Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal. (Boaz--Ruth 4:5-10)

5.      Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife. (Benjaminites--Judges 21:19-25)

6.      Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will cost you. (Adam--Genesis 2:19-24)

7.      Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That's right. Fourteen years of toil for a wife. (Jacob--Genesis 29:15-30)

8.      Cut 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law's enemies and get his daughter for a wife. (David-1 Samuel 18:27)

9.      Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you'll definitely find someone. (It's all relative, of course.) (Cain-Genesis 4:16-17)

10.   Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest. (Xerxes or Ahasuerus-Esther 2:3-4)

11.   When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, "I have seen a woman; now get her for me." If your parents question your decision, simply say, "Get her for me. She's the one for me." (Samson- Judges 14:1-3)

12.   Kill any husband and take HIS wife (Prepare to lose four sons, though). (David-2 Samuel 11)

13.   Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow. (It's not just a good idea; it's the law.) (Onana and Boaz--Deuteronomy or Leviticus, example in Ruth)

14.   Don't be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity. (Solomon-1 Kings 11:1-3)

15.   A wife? NOT? (Paul--1 Corinthians 7:32-35)

Why Did They Fear Their Women?

Once upon a time when God recalled everybody on earth, he said to them, "I want you men, to form two lines, in front of me. One line, for those of you, that dominated your women on earth. And the other line, for those of you that were dominated, by your women. And I want all you women, to go with St. Peter." With that said and done, God noticed that the line of the men that were dominated by their women was over 100 miles long, and in the line of men that dominated their women, there was only one man.

Angrily, God said to the men in the long line, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my own image and likeness, but you allowed yourselves to be whipped by your women. Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and have made me proud. Learn from him.” God then turned to the man and said, “Now my son, tell them; how did you manage to be the only one in this line?" And the man replied, "My Lord, I don't know; my wife told me to stand here."

Nature Facts

1.      Giraffes are the tallest animals in the world. Males can grow up to 18 feet (5.5 meters) tall.

2.      A group of giraffes is called a tower.

3.      No one has ever seen a giraffe swimming.

4.      Giraffes only need 5 to 30 minutes of sleep in a 24-hour period.

5.      Giraffes make no sound. Not because they can't, but they choose not to.

6.      A giraffe's neck can measure up to 6 feet (1.8 m) long

7.      Giraffes only need to drink once every few days. Most of their water comes from all the plants they eat.

8.      Giraffes' tongues grow up to 21 inches (53 cm) in length.

9.      A giraffe's spots are like human fingerprints: no two individual giraffes have exactly the same pattern.

10.   Africa is home to the world's largest living land animal, the African elephant, and the tallest, the Giraffe.

The Gift Mix-Up

When a young man wanted to purchase a birthday gift for his new sweetheart, he had problem deciding on what to buy, because they haven’t dated very long. After a careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would be romantic, but not too personal and may strike the right note. Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to the mall and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, the sales clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties.

Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart with the following note. "I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears short ones that are easier to remove. These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart. I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night. All my love."

How He Took Advantage

When John went over to his friend's house, rang the bell, and the wife opened the door, he asked, "Hi, is Thomas home?" The wife replied, "No, he went to the store." And John asked, "Well, do you mind if I wait?" The wife replied, "No, come in." After they sat down, John said, "You know Jane, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred bucks if I could just see one." Jane thought about this for a second and figured what the hell, a hundred bucks. So she opened her robe and showed one breast. John promptly thanked her and threw a hundred bucks on the table.

A while longer John said, "They are so beautiful I've got to see the both of them. I'll give you another hundred bucks if I could just see the both of them together." Jane again thought what the hell, opened her robe, and gave John a nice long look. John again thanked her, threw another hundred bucks on the table, and then said he couldn’t wait any longer and left. A while later when Thomas arrived home, his wife said, "You know, your weird friend John came over." And Thomas asked, "Well, did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?"

I Only Rubbed Against It

When a married man went to confessional and told the priest, "I had an affair with a woman, almost." The priest asked, "What do you mean, 'almost'?" And the man explained, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped." Then the priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to go near that woman again. Now, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box."

The man then left the confessional, went over and said his prayers, then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave. The priest, who was watching him, quickly ran over to him and said, "I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box." And the man replied, "Well, Father, I rubbed up against it, and you said it was the same as putting it in."

At The Wailing Wall

A journalist assigned to the Jerusalem bureau, took an apartment overlooking the Wailing Wall. Every day when she looks out, she sees an old Jewish man praying vigorously. So the journalist went down to the wall, and introduced herself to the old man. Then she asked, "You come every day to the wall. How long have you done that and what are you praying for?"

The old man replied, "I have come here to pray every day for 25 years. In the morning I pray for world peace and then for the brotherhood of man. I go home have a cup of tea, and I come back and pray for the eradication of illness and disease from the earth." Amazed, the journalist asked, "How does it make you feel to come here every day for 25 years and pray for these things?" And the old man calmly replied, "Like I'm talking to a wall."

Why Does The Stomach Produce A New Lining?

The stomach produces a new lining every 3 days to avoid digesting itself with its own acids.

And there's one dangerous liquid no airport security can confiscate from you. It's in your gut. Your stomach cells secrete hydrochloric acid, a corrosive compound used to treat metals in the industrial world. It can pickle steel, but mucous lining the stomach wall keeps this poisonous liquid safely in the digestive system, breaking down your lunch but not your own stomach.

Same Age

When an old lady went to see her doctor, the doctor complimented, “You are looking so radiantly beautiful this morning, Mrs. Solomon. And healthy too, I may add.” But the old lady retorted, “But you know, all that glitters is no gold.” And when the doctor asked, “And what seems to be the problem?” The old lady replied, “This isn’t a matter of seems. I’m having serious aches and pains, in my right knee.”

So, the doctor thoroughly examined her knee, including a reflex test. After which the doctor smilingly said, “There is no cause for alarm. It’s just a matter of old age.” But the old lady objected, “Oh no, doctor. They are both the same age.” 

How He Got Screwed By Nuns

While driving down a deserted stretch of highway, a man noticed a sign out of the corner of his eye. It read,

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS

HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION

10 MILES

At first, he thought this was a figment of his imagination. And he drove on without a second thought. Soon he saw another sign which read,

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS

HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION

5 MILES

Suddenly, he began to realize that these signs were for real. Then he drove past a third sign that read,

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS

HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION

NEXT RIGHT

Then his curiosity got the best of him and he pulled into the drive. On the far side of the parking lot was a stone building with a small sign next to the door that read,

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS

He climbed the steps and rang the bell. The door was answered by a nun in a long black habit who asked, "What may we do for you, my son?" And he answered, "I saw your signs along the highway, and was interested in possibly doing business."  And the nun said, "Very well, my son. Please follow me." He was led through many winding passages and was soon quite disoriented. The nun stopped at a closed door and told the man, "Please knock on this door." He did as he was told and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup answers the door. This nun instructed, "Please place $100 in the cup, then go through the large wooden door at the end of this hallway." He got $100 out of his wallet and placed it in the second nun's cup.

He then trotted eagerly down the hall and slipped through the door, pulling it shut behind him. As the door locked behind him, he found himself back in the parking lot, facing another small sign.

GO IN PEACE.

YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY

THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS.

SERVES YOU RIGHT,

YOU SINNER.

Did You Know That?

Every person has a unique tongue print.

Just like fingerprints. The tongue is a unique organ in that it can be stuck out of mouth for inspection, and yet it is otherwise well protected in the mouth and is difficult to forge. The tongue also presents both geometric shape information and physiological texture information which are potentially useful in identity verification applications.

Who Introduced Headache?

When God and Adam were leisurely walking around in the garden one day, God said to Adam, “Adam, I think you should start populating the Earth.” And Adam asked, “My Lord, where do I begin?” God said, “You can start by kissing Eve." Then Adam asked, “My Lord, what is a kiss?" God then explained, and Adam took Eve behind the bush and kissed her. A little while later, Adam returned with a big smile and said, "Lord! That was great! What's next?"

And God continued, "Adam, I now want you to caress Eve." And again Adam asked, “My Lord, what is caress?" And God explained. Then Adam took Eve behind the bush again and caressed her. A little while later, Adam returned with a bigger smile and said, "My Lord that was even better than a kiss. What's next?" And God said, "Here is what gets the deed done. I now want you to make love to Eve." And again Adam asked, "My Lord, what is, make love?" Patiently, God explained. Then Adam took Eve behind the bush once more. A few seconds later, Adam returned and asked, “What is a headache?”

When The Preacher Changed Sermon

Late one Saturday night, when the preacher still hadn't been able to think of a sermon for the next morning, he finally said to his wife, "Dear, I think I've come up with the perfect sermon. I'm going to give a sermon about horseback riding." And his wife said, "Don't be silly You can't give a sermon about horseback riding!" But he insisted, "Well, it's going to have to do because I've preached on just about every other subject I can think of."

The next morning as they were driving to church, she said, "I can't believe that you're insisting on doing this! You know, if you're going to give that silly sermon on horseback riding, I'm just going to stay in the car during the service." He said, "OK, then, suit yourself." So she stayed in the car. As the preacher was entering church before the service, he had a sudden inspiration. And when it was time for the sermon, he gave a hell-fire and brimstone sermon on SEX that just had the congregation in awe.

As the congregation filed out of the church, some of the members saw his wife sitting in the car and approached her window. One of them said, "Wow! You just missed the best sermon your husband has EVER given." She said, "Yeah, right! What does he know about it? He talks big but he's only tried it twice in his life. Once before we were married and once after, and he fell off both times."

Thou Shalt Not Limit Thyself

Over the years, I have come to appreciate that some of our problems, include self-limitation and the fear of change; though we mouth it, “The only thing permanent in life is change.” We limit ourselves in more ways than one. We limit ourselves when we gullibly accept other people’s ideas, without thinking. Why should anyone call the way we were, our culture and heritage, idolatry? What is religion, and who created it? From all that we have heard, religion wasn’t in creation. So, is religion the after-thought of the creator, or the after-thought of man?

Before I continue, let me share this with you.  A husband came home one day, and excitedly told his wife, “Honey, I have changed jobs again.” Angrily, the wife asked, “What do you mean by you have changed jobs again? When will you ever have a permanent job?” The husband looked at his wife admirably, smiled and asked, “But honey, what is permanent in life? Are we permanent? Can you imagine, how many times I have changed, from being a sperm to becoming your husband?”  

Thought For Today

When the white men came, we had our lands and they had their bible. And they said unto us, “Close your eyes, and let us pray.” And we did. But when we opened our eyes, they have our lands, and we have their bible. And that was the birth of Abrakadabra.

Why We Must Go Back To Our Roots

After reading my brother’s broadcasts titled, “OUR EXPECTATIONS.” I was particularly intrigued in the section where he asked, Do Nigerians really know the God of Moses who in Exodus 23:8says, “You will accept no bribes, for a bribe blinds the clear-sighted and is the cause of the ruin of the upright.”

Or, in the Quran 11.85, "And O my people! Give full measure and weight in justice and reduce not the things that are due to the people, and do not commit mischief in the land, causing corruption."

And I wondered why anyone would expect them to know the God of Moses, the God of Israel, the God of Abraham, and the God of Jacob among all other Gods; when they don’t even know themselves? Don’t bother to ask me how I know of the other Gods, because God Himself confirmed their existence. He was even humble enough to admit to being jealous of the other Gods, remember? And evidences of the existence of the other Gods abound in our society. We have, the God of the masses, who looks on as they are being down trodden by their oppressors. We have, the God of the corrupt leaders and looters, who protects them as they use their ill-gotten wealth to lord it over the masses. And we even have, the God of the ritual killers and terrorists, who guides and protects them during, and after their operations.

How can they know or believe in God, when they have on many occasions, driven past queues of old, dying and dead pensioners waiting to collect their pensions; yet go to celebrate with their loot? How can they know or believe in God when, while they are holding and swearing by the Bible/Quran in one hand, they are stealing with the other hand, all at the same time? How can they know or believe in God, when they accept to be god-fathers to children, they have fathered with married women; while chanting, “We are serving the Almighty God. We are serving the All-Knowing God,” even in their supposed God’s own houses? How can they know or believe in God, when they arrogantly invite pastors and imams to come and dedicate properties that they have built with looted funds? And they even build places of worship in their premises. And I ask, “Which of the Gods, do they worship in them?”

Since it is said that, “Only a fool keeps doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results;” and they have been swearing by the Bible/Quran for decades without any positive results, I suggest that we either go back to our roots and revive our original oath taking, or we seek the assistance of The Rotary, and Rotarians. And we shall be glad, we did.

Remember, in the beginning, we knew our Creator just like the other nations of the world did, and we called Him by different names according to our different ethnicities. We revered and obeyed Him. And we were our brothers’ keepers. We bred rulers and leaders, who had self-esteem, respect for others, and knew shame. One of our mottos was, “A good name is better than riches.” 

Thought For Today

Only A Fool Keeps Doing The Same Thing Over And Over Again, And Expecting Different Results.

How Should I know?

A husband and his wife were asleep one night, when suddenly the phone rang at two o'clock in the morning. When the husband picked the phone, a voice asked, “Is the coast clear?” Angrily, the husband replied, “How the heck am I supposed to know? Am I the weather man?" He then slammed the phone down.

And when his wife rolled over and asked, "Who was that?" The husband replied, "I don't know. Some guy who wanted to know if the coast was clear."

Jesus Searching For His Father

When Jesus died and went up to Heaven, the first thing he did was search for his father, who he has never met before. Being curious as to what he looks like, and wondering whether or not he looked like his mother or father, he searched high and low but couldn’t find him. He asked St. Peter, "Where is my father?" But St. Peter said he didn't know. He asked the archangel Gabriel, "Where is my father?" But Gabriel didn't know either. He asked John the Baptist, "Where is my father?" But John did not know. So he wandered through Heaven, impatiently searching.

One day, he suddenly saw out of the mist, an old man coming towards him. The man was very old, with white hair and stooped over a little. And Jesus yelled, "Stop! Who are you?" And the old man said, "Oh, please help me, I am an old man in search of my son." And Jesus became more curious, and said, "Old man, tell me more about your son. The old man then said, "Oh, you would know him if you saw him. He has holes in his hands where the nails used to be. You know, he was nailed to a cross. And Jesus screamed, "Father!!!!!"

Why Not The Holy Land?

While on pilgrimage to Jerusalem, a couple had a car accident and the wife died. And when the undertaker arrived, the husband asked, “What will it cost to ship the remains of my wife, to my home country?” The undertaker replied, “It will cost one thousand dollars, to ship her home. But it will cost one hundred dollars to bury her here.” Without any hesitation the husband said, “Please, ship her home.”

Perplexed, the undertaker asked, "But sir, why don't you bury her in the Holy Land, and save yourself, the money?” And the husband asked, “Wasn’t it here, a guy called Jesus died and was buried some time ago, but three days later he rose from the dead? I won’t take that chance."

How To Hypnotize Church Goers

When a preacher was dissatisfied with the small amount in the collection plates each Sunday, one of his parishioner’s, suggested to him that perhaps he might be able to hypnotize the congregation into giving more. Smiling at the bright idea, the preacher asked, "And just how would I go about doing that?" Then, the parishioner said, "It is very simple. First you turn up the air conditioner so that the auditorium is warmer than usual. Then you preach in a monotone. Meanwhile, you dangle a watch on a chain and swing it in a slow arc above the lectern and suggest they put 20 dollars in the collection plate."

So the very next Sunday, the reverend did as suggested, and lo and behold the plates were full of 20 dollar bills. Now, the preacher did not want to take advantage of this technique each and every Sunday. So therefore, he waited for a couple of weeks and then tried his mass hypnosis again. Just as the last of the congregation was becoming mesmerized, the chain on the watch broke and the watch hit the lectern with a loud thud and springs and parts flew everywhere. "Crap!" exclaimed the pastor. It took them a week to clean up the church.

What Is The Longest River In The World?

The longest river in the world, measured from its mouth to its most distant, year-round source, is likely the Amazon, which flows 4,345 miles from the Peruvian Andes through Brazil to the Atlantic Ocean. However, much depends on how you measure it. Until 2007, the title belonged to the Nile, which runs 4,258 miles from the mountains of Burundi to its famed and fertile delta fan, where Egypt meets the Mediterranean Sea. The two lengths are close enough that measuring techniques and philosophies can be quite controversial. In fact, the geographers who crowned the Amazon champion were funded in part by the Brazilian government.

The Ancient Egyptians were familiar with the Nile as far upstream as today’s Khartoum, Sudan, some 1,700 miles from the river’s mouth. In A.D. 150 Ptolemy, the famed Greek geographer living in Roman Egypt, wrote that the river originated in the “Mountains of the Moon” deep in the African interior. In 1862 English explorer John Hanning Speke journeyed from Africa’s east coast to find what he considered to be the source, where the river exits Lake Victoria in present-day Uganda.

Geographers did not explore the Amazon’s most distant sources until the mid-20th century, and it was only with the advent of GPS technologies that ever-more accurate estimates, like the 2007 survey, were made possible. Great rivers change course over the seasons and the years, making it difficult to determine which measurement comprises its accurate length. As the crow flies, it is about 2,400 miles from the Nile’s source to its outlet (the meandering Amazon covers a mere 1,100 miles of straight-line distance).

The Bet

An obsessed strong young man at a construction site was bragging that he could out do anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker felt he had enough then said, “Why don't you put your money where your mouth is. I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that building that you won't be able to wheel back.

And the braggart agreed and responded, “You're on, old man. Let's see you do it.” The old man then reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles, and nodding to the young man, he said, “All right, Dumb Ass, get in.”