Some Useful Habits For Success – Part Five

16. Find Inspiration: We have all experienced the feeling of inspiration at some point in our lives. It may have been from a story in history, a speech by a great leader, or by a friend or family member. When we become inspired, we get a rush of energy that we feel can take us to new heights. It's almost as if we get more willpower. When we witness something inspiring, the part of the pre-frontal cortex that thinks about the long-term lights up. The neurons in this part of the brain start firing and we feel a rush of energy as we begin to believe in our dreams and goals. This essentially means that by becoming inspired, we give the pre-frontal cortex more power. This strengthens our willpower and makes it easier to work towards our long-term goals. To tap into this willpower, find something inspiring that you can turn to on a daily basis. This will help you find the willpower you need even when times get tough.

17. Chunking: The last and perhaps the most important willpower habit is chunking. Chunking is the process of taking a large task, goal, dream, etc. and breaking it into manageable “Chunks.” If you’ve ever had a goal, you know how exciting it can be at first. You can see the “after photo” of your life when the goal is achieved - and you love what you see.  You imagine all of the great things about the “new you” and you can't wait to get started working towards that goal! Then it’s time to actually do the work. And whether that work is putting pen to paper, or putting foot to treadmill, you get a sudden rush of being completely overwhelmed. You see just how much work it’s going to take to get you from where you are, to where you want to be. Then you get paralyzed by the fact that you don’t know where to begin. So you don't bother trying, or you lose the persistence to keep going.

Chunking works because it shifts your focus from that larger goal, into smaller chunks that are easier for your brain to comprehend. If your goal is to follow a 12-week exercise plan, it can be overwhelming when you’re tired on day 4 and thinking about the fact that you have 80 more days of this. But if you shift your focus to simply accomplishing the workout plan today, you are far less likely to become overwhelmed. Then, before you know it, 20, 40, 60 days have passed and you are more confident than ever that we can make it to the end.

18. Conclusion: Excellence is a habit. It is a lot of small things done well, day-after-day. Starting any one of the habits listed above has been proven to give you incredible willpower over time. But you must be consistent. It will be far more beneficial for you to begin just 1 of these daily willpower habits and do it consistently, than to do all for a short period of time. So select just 1 habit to add to your life and stick to it. After it has truly become a habit, move on to the next one. Over time, you will see incredible benefits to your willpower!

Some Useful Habits For Success – Part Four

13. Practice Mindfulness: We tend to believe that every choice we make throughout the day goes through a process of well-informed decision-making. But 45% of our daily-decisions are made completely automatically. From what we decide to eat, what we decide to wear and what we decide to do when we first get to work, our brains are running on autopilot. You can overcome this tendency by becoming more mindful of your daily decisions. This is as simple as pausing and questioning why you are making the decision to get coffee as soon as you make it into the office. Or why you are eating cereal for breakfast rather than eggs. Simply question these daily decisions and you will strengthen your willpower to make better choices throughout the day.

14. Self-Monitoring: Something odd happens in our brains when we look at ourselves in the mirror. The part of the brain that would say "hey, that's me in the mirror" is not activated. Instead it is a part of the brain that says "I wish I was taller, skinnier, more muscular, etc." In other words, rather than seeing who we are, we see who we want to be. This is not because we are shallow it is because we all have an ideal self that we want to live up to. With this ideal self in our mind, we begin to think and act more like them.

The best way to keep your ideal self in mind is through a process called Self-Monitoring. This involves keeping track of as much information on your-self as possible. Like with the mirror, you will look at the information on yourself and compare it to what you really want. This will strengthen your willpower and help you make better decisions. To get started, check out the list of ways to begin self-monitoring at the bottom of this article.

15. Play Offense: When researchers came across a group of people in the Netherlands who seemingly had unstoppable willpower, they thought they must be saints. They ate extremely healthy, exercised regularly, hardly procrastinated and reported less stress than almost everyone around them. But they were not saints at all. Many of them reported that if they were to get behind a bar stool, they would never leave. Others reported that they were unable to resist sweets whenever they were around. It seemed that these "saints" were prone to the same temptations as the rest of us.

So what was their secret? The secret, it turned out, was that these people simply did not put themselves in those situations. Their lifestyles were well-organized to prevent having to look temptation in the face. These people played offense. They thought about what might tempt them in the future – whether it was alcohol, sweets, or distractions from work – and set themselves up to avoid them. They were seemingly willpower super heroes because they almost never had to use it. In your life, look for the things that test your willpower. How can you play offense and remove future temptations?

Some Useful Habits For Success – Part Three

11. Exercise: We all know that exercise is good for our health, but can it also be good for our willpower? In order to find out, researchers found 24 non-exercisers between 18 and 50 to partake in a 2-month study. They were given free gym memberships and asked to exercise just 1x/week for the first month and 3 times a week for the second month. Throughout the study they would test the participants on various self-control activities from resisting temptations to persevering through challenging tasks.

The results were nothing short of remarkable. After just 2 months of exercise every participant had indeed increased his or her ability to resist temptations and persevere on tasks. But the benefits didn’t end there. Without any instruction by the researchers, the participants also, • Procrastinated less • Felt more in control of their emotions • Reduced smoking, alcohol and caffeine intake • Saved more money • Ate less junk food • Began eating a healthier diet • Watched less TV • Spent more time studying • Splurged on impulse purchases less • Were more likely to be on time to appointments. All of these activities occurred naturally from the habitual exercise!

Now, before you set a plan to go from not exercising at all to exercising every day, let’s pause. It’s important to remember that for a full month, these participants only went to the gym 1x/week. That means they only went 4 times total in the entire first month! Clearly, it is not necessary for you to go crazy with your exercise plan. To start getting all of the benefits listed above, you just need to make a plan that is consistent, not overwhelming. Whether you can exercise 1 time a week or 4 times a week, it doesn’t matter. To see the benefits, you just need to set a plan that you will not fail.

12. Focus On One Task At A Time: Ready for a puzzle? See if you can write down a list of all 36 states. When you have listed 10, see if you can continue writing them while also figuring out the answer to 17 x 24. Were you able to do it? We have 2 distinct parts of our brain that help in our problem-solving. One is the limbic system, which makes our easy and automatic decisions. This includes brushing our teeth and stopping at a red light. This part of the brain is also short-term minded, and is what motivates us to indulge in unhealthy food and get off of the treadmill.

The other is the pre-frontal cortex, which solves more difficult problems like how to effectively communicate or solve more complicated math equations like the one above. This is also the part of our brain that thinks long-term and is responsible for our willpower. The problems above both require the pre-frontal cortex to solve. If you were asked to write the 36 states and do a simple problem like 10 x 5, you would have had no problem doing it. 10 x 5 is easy. It only requires our limbic system to solve, so we can successfully multi-task. The more we multi-task, the more we train our limbic system. So by trying to do 4 things at once, we are unknowingly making the part of the brain that wants us to indulge stronger.

The pre-frontal cortex, however, cannot multi-task. The problems it deals with are too complicated. So by focusing on one task at a time, we are making the part of the brain that exerts willpower stronger! So resist the temptation to multi-task and remain focused. This will train your willpower and help you make tough decisions.

Some Useful Habits For Success – Part Two

6. Vegetables: All vegetables will help build your long-term willpower, but specific veggies that have a lot of willpower fuel in them are root-based. These include sweet potatoes, potatoes, and carrots which will all give you some serious willpower fuel! Do not try to completely overhaul your diet if you are not used to eating these types of foods. Instead focus on eating them for just one meal per day. The best of which, would be eating them for breakfast.

7. Get Enough Sleep: When you don't get enough sleep, your willpower takes the biggest hit. When you are tired, your brain cells are not able to absorb glucose as efficiently as when you are well rested. This means that you begin lose the “power” in your willpower. Then your brain will recognize the fact that it is not getting enough glucose, and immediately start to crave sugary foods and caffeine to replenish its supply. However, because your brain cells are not absorbing glucose as efficiently as they should be, not only will you give in to eating junk, you will eat much more than you need. Your brain will continue to crave junk food until it gets as much glucose as it can out of your bloodstream – regardless of how many calories that may be.

8. A Completely Dark Room: Luckily, there are scientifically proven tactics that will help you get a better night’s sleep even without adding more hours. Most of us underestimate the effect that lights in our room have on our sleep. When our room is completely dark, it helps our brain shut down and sleep more efficiently. This helps us get more rest out of the hours we lay in bed; helping to restore our willpower. And Nature took care of that by creating Night and Day.

9. Nap: Other research suggests that it is the amount of consecutive hours you spend awake that matters the most. So breaking up the day with a nap can have significant benefits. It is better to sleep for 7 hours with a 1-hour nap than it is to sleep for 8 consecutive hours without taking that break during the day.

10. Create A Reservoir: Getting more sleep on the weekend will create a reserve of energy your brain can use for willpower during the week. So if you cannot squeeze more hours of sleep in during the week, see if you can catch up on the weekend.

Some Useful Habits For Success – Part One

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act, but a habit.” – Aristotle.

Success is a lot of small things done well, day after day. What seems like an overnight success is usually a very long time in the making. Success is created by people who establish the right habits, then execute them over and over. So I wanted to share with you some habits that have been scientifically proven to give incredible willpower!

1. Meditation: Meditation is the fastest and most effective way to increase your willpower. By meditating you are training the brain to focus and resist the urge to wander. Research shows that after just 2-3 days of practicing meditation for 10 minutes, your brain will be able to focus better, you will have more energy, and you will be less stressed. There are a lot of myths surrounding meditation, like burning incense, chanting, wearing robes, etc. So let's start by explaining what meditation really is. Meditation is simply the practice of bringing your thoughts to the present moment.

About 47% of our lives are spent either reminiscing about the past or thinking about what we are going to do in the future. We spend very little time with a clear, focused mind on what we are doing right now. Meditation attempts to do just that. This is usually done by sitting upright in a room that is clear of distractions and focusing solely on your breathing. However, it can be achieved with any activity that brings your full focus and attention. For example, if you are completely focused on the task of cleaning dishes; without mentally going over your day, pondering another problem in your head, or thinking about what you will be doing next, you can achieve a state of meditation. If your mind is clear and focused completely on the present task, you will see the benefits of meditation.

2. Eat A Low Glycemic Diet: When the body takes in food, it creates a chemical known as glucose that travels through the blood stream. This is what the brain uses as its source of fuel to think, create, and exert willpower. So to ensure a healthy stock of willpower, we have to make sure our brain has enough glucose to use as energy. Any food that contains calories will give your brain glucose to work with. But not all glucose is created equally. Sugary foods will cause a quick spike of glucose, giving you willpower fuel for the short-term, but will cause a subsequent crash that depletes your willpower just as fast. The best thing you can do is keep the glucose level in your bloodstream steady. This will give your brain a consistent reserve of fuel to exert willpower for the long-term. To accomplish this, researchers suggest a low-glycemic diet. And the following are some low-glycemic foods that will give you long-term willpower fuel.

3. Lean Proteins: Nothing fancy is required – just lean cuts of beef, poultry, pork and fish.

4. Nuts: Specifically those nuts, that are high in omega-3 fatty acids like walnuts, pecans and cashews. (Note: this does not include legumes like peanuts).

5. Fresh Fruit: Fresh fruit is preferred over dried fruit because dried fruits have a high concentration of sugar in them. This will result in the glucose spike for the short term and lead to a subsequent crash. Some good choices are bananas, blueberries, apples and cherries.

The Fatal Treat

When a wife treated her husband by taking him to a Strip Club for his birthday, the doorman at The Club said, “Hi James, how are you today?” The wife looked at her husband and asked, “How does he know you?” He responded, “Oh dear, I play football with him.” When they got inside, the Bartender asked, “The usual James?” Without waiting to be asked, the husband said, “Before you say anything, he is on the Darts Team.”

As soon as they seated, a stripper appeared and asked, “Hi James! Do you crave for the Special again?” The wife just stormed out dragging him with her and jumped into a taxi. The taxi driver looked at them both and said, “Hey Jimmy Boy, you picked up an ugly one this time, yes?” The husband’s funeral is on Sunday.

The Hasty Judgment

When a wife returned from her night duty earlier than usual one early morning and saw two pairs of feet sticking out of the bed sheets on their matrimonial bed, she grabbed a baseball bat and started hitting the sheets till the occupants were motionless. And when she panicked and ran downstairs to the kitchen for a bucket of water, she was surprised to meet her husband cooking breakfast.

As she froze and still looking dazed, the husband said, “Honey, you are back. Welcome. Your mum and dad came last night but when I couldn’t find the key to the guest room, l allowed them to use our room. Breakfast shall be ready in a few minutes.”

The Law Of Reciprocity

Once upon a time, a lady went to her mother in tears and complained, “Mom, I can’t stand the sight of my husband anymore. He complains about each and everything that I do. Our home has become like hell on earth. I have to end it now. I want to kill him but I don't have the courage to do it. Can you help me? Please!” Her mother looked at her pitiably and said, “Yes my daughter, I can help you. Anything for my lovely daughter will do.”

And the mother brought out a powdery substance and continued, “Well, take this substance which you should add to his food, at half a teaspoon daily. And your husband will die slowly. But in order that no one may suspect you for his death, you will have to make peace with him as soon as you get home. You shall begin to be good and kind to him, take care of him, be as romantic as possible, be grateful, be patient, be loving and submissive to him. See him as your king and kid, and not as your mate or subject. Be less selfish, less nagging and more understanding.” The lady gratefully hugged and thanked her mother and left.

Three weeks later, the lady returned and told her mother in tears, “Mom, I no longer wish my husband, to die. He has become so romantic, loving and caring. Now I like him. He's changed and become softer than before. What can I do to stop the poison?” And the mother laughed heartily and said, “My daughter, don’t worry. What I gave to you was just pure soya beans powder. I knew the problem was with you, because you were sowing the seed of hatred and discord. So I had to work on you, that the law of reciprocity may take its course.” “AS YOU SOW, SO SHALL YOU REAP.”

How A Needle Can Save A Stroke Patient

By a Chinese Professor

My father was paralyzed and later died from the result of a stroke. I wish I knew about this first aid before. When stroke strikes the capillaries in the brain will gradually burst. When a stroke occurs, stay calm. No matter where the victim is, do not move him/her. Because, if moved, the capillaries will burst! Help the victim to sit up, where he/she can be prevented from falling over again and then the bloodletting can begin. If you have an injection syringe in your home, that would be the best, otherwise, a sewing needle or a straight pin will do.

1). Place the needle/pin over fire to sterilize it and then use it to prick the tips of all 10 fingers.

2). There are no specific acupuncture points, just prick about an mm from the fingernail.

3). Prick till blood comes out.

4). If blood does not start to drip, then squeeze with your fingers.

5). When all 10 digits is bleeding, wait a few minutes then the victim will regain consciousness.

6). If the victim's mouth is crooked, then pull on his ears until they are red.

7). Then prick each earlobe twice until two drops of blood comes from each earlobe. After a few minutes the victim should regain consciousness.

Wait till the victim regains his/her normal state without any abnormal symptoms then take him/her to the hospital. Otherwise, if he/she was taken to the hospital in the ambulance in a hurry, the bumpy trip will cause all the capillaries in his/her brain to burst. If he/she could barely manage to walk, then it is by the grace of God that he/she is saved. I learned about letting blood to save life from a Chinese traditional doctor, Ha Bu Ting, who lives in Sun Juke. Furthermore, I had practical experience with it, therefore, I can say this method is 100% effective.

In 1979, I was teaching in Fung Gaap College in Tai Chung. One afternoon, I was in a class when another teacher came running to my classroom and panting said, “Ms Liu, come quick, our supervisor has had a stroke!” I immediately went to the 3rd floor. When I saw our supervisor, Mr. Chen Fu Tien, his colour was off, his speech was slurred, his mouth was crooked-all the symptoms of a stroke. I immediately asked one of the practicum students to go to the pharmacy outside the school to buy a syringe, which I used to prick Mr. Chen's 10 fingers tips. After a few minutes when all 10 fingers were bleeding (each with a pea-sized drop of blood), Mr. Chen's face regained its colour and his eyes' spirit returned. But his mouth was still crooked. So I pulled on his ears to fill them with blood. When his ears became red, I pricked his right earlobe twice to let out two drops of blood. When both earlobes had two drops of blood each, a miracle happened.

Within 3-5 minutes the shape of his mouth returned to normal and his speech became clear. We let him rest for a while and have a cup of hot tea, then we helped him go down the stairs, drove him to Wei Wah Hospital. He rested one night and was released the next day to return to school to teach! Everything worked normally. There were no ill after effects. On the other hand, the usual stroke victim usually suffers, irreparable bursting of the brain capillaries on the way to the hospital. As a result, these victims never recover. Therefore, stroke is the second commonest cause of death. The lucky ones will stay alive but can remain paralyzed for life. It is such a horrible thing to happen in one’s life.

If we can all remember this bloodletting method and start the lifesaving process immediately, in a short time, the victim will be revived and regain 100% normality.

What Happened In 1967 Will Repeat Itself

When an elderly man of about 80 years old was boarding a Lagos – Ikeja bus at TBS Bus Stop in Lagos, on his way home, he experienced the usual rushing and struggling by the ever impatient commuters. But when he managed to board and gotten himself a seat, he noticed as the bus moved on that his wallet has been stolen from his back pocket. Immediately, he screamed, “Who ever took my wallet should return it or else, what happened in1967 will repeat itself!” And when there was no immediate response, he repeated the threat a few more times.

Suddenly, there was dead silence and fear engulfed the bus. A few minutes later, the commuters started asking in whispers, “What happened in 1967?” Shortly, the man that stole the wallet became afraid, quickly dropped the wallet and kicked it near the old man. A young lady saw it and exclaimed, “Sir! See the wallet underneath the seats!” There was a great sigh of relief throughout the bus. When the bus got to Ikeja and all the commuters were going their different ways, an inquisitive young Youth Corper who was also on the same bus, walked briskly to the old man and asked, “Sir, sorry sir, but what happened in 1967?” The man replied, “Son, in 1967 a similar event occurred, and you know what? I TREKKED HOME.”

A Great Educational System

Finland is ranked No.1 in the world in Education. What’s so great there!

·         A child goes to school there only at the age of 7. The torture does not start at 2 ½ as it is elsewhere

·         A child learns from each move that it comes across in this early age at home.

·         From the age of 7 to 10 the child spends 50% of it’s time in school and the remaining as vacation.

·         The school timings are also less and equal importance is given to Music, Arts and Sports too.

·         The schools there have relaxation rooms for the children to take rest if they feel tired.

·         Until the age of 13 there is no grading and no report cards for students.

·         If their parents are inquisitive of the child’s progress they can apply to know that.

·         Since there is no grading there is no pressure on the student to compete.

·         They are not given homework. Students can do their homework in the subject of their choice.

·         A doctor stationed in each school monitors their health and advices.

·         Only a maximum of 600 students are permitted in a school.

·         There aren’t any private schools. All are Govt. run. There is equality in education for all.

·         99% of children in Finland get primary education.

·         Students who hail from a country where there aren’t exams excel in competitive exams elsewhere.

·         You may wonder how this is possible. An UN research explains this.

·         UN does an annual research about the happiest children in the world. Finland stands first.

·         Educationists from other countries flock to Finland to understand their system more.

·         1500 representatives from 56 countries go there every year.

·         The country’s major foreign exchange comes from education tourism.

·         A teacher’s job in Finland is highly valued.

·         The teachers there have a major stake in the laws and policies of the country.

·         Every third child there wants to become a teacher. But it’s not so easy.

·         Only students who excel are considered for this post.

·         They are given 5 years of Teacher Training, 6 months of Military training, One year of onsite teacher training, Training in the Laws and Policies, Fire service, Self Defense, First Aid.

·         THOUGHTS FOR PONDER:

·         Don’t find fault in children. Don’t hesitate to appreciate when they do good.

·         No one knows what a child can become. Keep encouraging them.

·         Edison was considered dumb and thrown out of school.

·         Louis Pastor was an average student in school.

·         Einstein was considered an idiot in school.

·         Talk to children daily about their goodness.

·         Don’t compare a child with another.

·         Talk about successful people to them.

·         Instead of telling them how not to be, just tell them about how to be.

·         Don’t curb them to the house.

·         Give them good examples and independence.

·         If you talk to them about a bed of flower they’ll understand the path of thorns.

·         Tell them about hard work. They will get to know about laziness.

·         When you tell them about successful people they will understand the reasons for failure.

·         AND FOR ALL THESE, WE NEED A GOOD GOVERNANCE.

Same Situation Different Presentations

While out shopping with her friends, this lady was asked, “How was your evening, yesterday?” She smiled knowingly and replied, “Oh, my evening was amazing! My husband came home and took me out for a romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour. When we came home he lit candles around the house. It was like a fairy tale!”

But when her husband was asked the same question by his friends at work, he said, “My evening was horrible. I came home, there was no dinner and they had cut the electricity because I forgot to pay the bill; so I took my wife out for dinner which was so expensive that I didn't have money left for a taxi cab. We walked home, which took an hour and when we got home I remembered there was no electricity so I had to light candles all over the house!”

How To Live Happily

There were two houses standing next to each other. In one, lived a very unhappy couple who yelled at each other, fought and quarreled all the time. While in the other lived a very happy couple, whose home, was place of calm, love and happiness.  During one of the fights in the first home, the wife asked her husband, “Did you ever hear them quarrel or yell over at that house? No! So, you go there and see what they do to avoid it!”

The husband then went and stood by the window of their neighbours and watched, as the couple were busy doing their own things. The wife was in the kitchen cooking, and her husband sat at the table writing. Then the phone rang. And as the husband jumped up and headed to the hallway to get it, he bumped into a vase, which fell and broke. He immediately got down on his knees and started picking up the pieces. The wife ran into the room from the kitchen, also got down on her knees and started helping her husband to pick them up. Then the man said to his wife, “I am so sorry. I rushed to get the phone and bumped into the vase. It fell and got broken.” But the wife replied, “No, honey, it is my fault. I put it there on the way. That’s why you bumped into it.” They kissed, and that was over. They both got back to what they were doing.

And when the neighbour returned to his wife and narrated all that had happened, he added, “I know it now. The secret of their happiness was, in their family they both are guilty, but in our family we both claim to be always right!” That’s the secret of family happiness! The trick, isn't in not wanting to take responsibility but rather in not claiming to be right. There are times you need to forfeit your right to win your peace, depending on which you cherish most. This recipe is applicable, not only in the home, but also at work, on the road, in the market place, between nations and all relationships.

Who Has The Greatest Son?

When three old ladies were sitting around a table playing bridge and bragging about their sons, the first lady said, “I wish everyone should be so lucky to have a son like mine. Once a week he brings me a huge bouquet of flowers, he’s constantly bringing me out to restaurants to eat and if I so much as hint that I want something, the next morning it’s on my doorstep.” And the second lady said, “That’s very nice about your son. But with all due respect, when I think about the way my son takes care of me, it just can’t compare. Every morning as soon as I wake up he greets me with bacon and freshly brewed coffee. Every lunch he comes over and cooks me a gourmet lunch, and every supper he brings me to his house for supper. He truly treats me like a queen.”

Then the third lady said, “WELL! I don’t want to make any of you feel bad or anything, but wait until you hear about my son. Twice a week he pays someone $200 an hour just so he can lie on his couch and talk to him.” And when the first lady asked with a big excited double chin smile, “And who do you think he speaks about at those prices?” The third lady replied, “I’ll tell you who he speaks about! ALL HE SPEAKS ABOUT IS ME!”

A JOKE TAKEN TOO FAR

 - by Gen. Alani Akinrinade (Rtd).

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As far as l'm concerned, there is nothing like senators in the federal republic of Nigeria as at today. What people refer to as senators, is merely a deceptive and illusory assemblage of national irritants, who deliberate daily on how to purchase new cars,  build new mansions and buy fantastic ones abroad, arrogate a strange and  unjustified immunity to themselves, get constituency votes for marrying new wives and servicing girlfriends.

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This assemblage derives most of its membership from retired and expired ex-governors, who ran their states aground and left them in huge debts, and also left their subjects bleeding, and weeping in sorrow and abject penury. You also have a lot of rascals, hooligans, area boys and street fighters amongst their fold.

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Now how can this insensate and fiendish lot, after enough dosage of weed, lock up themselves in one obscure chamber and begin to mute the idea of impeaching a democratically elected president?...  

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Well, l must state here that it is none of their faults. If Nigerians had turned out en-mass and come to OCCUPY NASS so we chase these prodigal sons back to their respective villages, we surely won't be discussing this today.

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They should let it trickle down to their medulla that things are no longer the same. It is no more business as usual and there is nothing they can do about it.  I reliably gathered that most of them who borrowed money from banks to finance their campaigns, are finding it increasingly difficult to cope with pressures from the banks. That's the way it should be. This is not a business venture, rather a call to service. Hence, if you are not comfortable with the tune of events, then you resign, instead of turning yourself a legislative embarrassment and national disgrace. I'm yet to see any of them who would be missed for a minute if he resigns today.

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This crop of Wonderers would undoubtedly leave a legacy as the worst performing, and most unproductive Senate in the history of Nigeria. Their latest actions and pronouncements are indeed a joke taken too far.

The State Of Our Nation

Now that it is abundantly clear that our lawmakers and administrators are heartless, conscienceless, arrogantly shameless and Godless; shouldn’t we go back to our roots, to seek justice? “A stitch in time saves nine.”

Nigeria Exports Religion, India Exports Cars

By Faith Oyiendiepreye Agindoton

Nigeria exports religion, India exports cars. The biggest country in Africa that the United Kingdom colonized is Nigeria. The biggest country that the United Kingdom colonized in Asia is India (which then comprised the present Pakistan and Bangladesh). When the UK came into Nigeria and India, like all other countries they colonized, they brought along their technology, religion (Christianity), and culture: names, dressing, food, and language, among others. Try as hard as the British did, India rejected the British religion, names, dressing, food, and even language, but they did not reject the British technology. Today, 80.5 per cent of Indians are Hindus; 13.4 per cent Muslims; 2.3 per cent Christians; 1.9 per cent Sikhs; 0.8 per cent Buddhists, among others.

Hindi is the official language of the government of India, but English is used extensively in business and administration and has the status of a “subsidiary official language.” Interestingly, it is rare to find an Indian with an English name or dressed in suit. On the other hand, Nigeria embraced, to a large extent, the British religion, British culture – names, dressing, foods, and language – but, ironically, rejected the British technology.

The difference between the Nigerian and the Indian experiences is that while India is proud of its heritage, Nigeria takes little pride in its own heritage, a situation that has affected the nationalism of Nigerians and our development as a nation. Before the advent of Christianity, the Arabs had brought Islam into Nigeria through the North. Islam also wiped away much of the culture of Northern Nigeria. Today, the North has only Sharia courts but no Customary courts.

So from the North to the South of Nigeria, the Western World and the Eastern World have shaped our lives to be like theirs and we have lost much or all of our identity. Long after the Whites and Arabs left Nigeria, Nigeria has waxed strong in religion to the extent that Nigerians now set up branches of their home-grown churches in Europe, the Americas, Asia and other African countries.

Just like the Whites brought the gospel to us, Nigerians now take the gospel back to the Whites. In Islam, we are also very vibrant to the extent that if there is a blasphemous comment against Islam in Denmark or the US, even if there is no violent reaction in Saudi Arabia, the Islamic headquarters of the world, there will be loss of lives and destruction of property in Nigeria. If the United Arab Emirates, a country with 75 per cent Muslims, is erecting the tallest building in the world and encouraging the world to come and invest in its territory by providing a friendly environment, Boko Haram ensures that the economy of the North (and by extension that of Nigeria) is crippled with bombs and bullets unless every Nigerian converts to Boko Haram’s brand of Islam.

We are indeed a very religious people. Meanwhile, as we are building the biggest churches and mosques, the Indians, South Africans, Chinese, Europeans and Americans have taken over our key markets: telecoms, satellite TV, multinationals, banking, oil and gas, automobile, aviation, and hospitality industries among others. Ironically, despite our exploits in religion, we are a people with little godliness, a people without scruples. It is rare to do business with a Nigerian pastor, deacon, knight, elder, brother, sister, imam, mullah, mallam, alhaji or alhaja without the person laying landmines of bribes and deception on your path. We call it PR, facilitation fee, processing fee, transport money, financial engineering, deal, or whatever. But if it does not change hands, no show. And when it is amassed, we say it is “God’s blessings.”

Some people assume that sleaze is a problem of public functionaries, but the private sector seems to be worse than the public sector these days. One would have assumed that the more churches and mosques that spring up in every nook and cranny of Nigeria, the higher the morals in our society. But it is not so. The situation is that the more religious we get, the baser we become. Our land never knew the type of bloodshed experienced from religious extremists, political desperadoes, ritual killers, armed robbers, kidnappers, internet scammers, university cultists, and lynch mobs.

Life has become so cheap and brutish that everyday seems to be a bonanza. We import petrol even when we have crude oil in abundance. We also import rice and beans that our land can produce in abundance. We even import toothpicks that primary school children can produce with little or no effort. Yet, we drive the best of cars and live in the best of edifices, visit the best places in the world for holidays and use the most expensive electronic and telecoms gadgets. It is now a sign of poverty for a Nigerian to ride a saloon car.

Four-wheel drive vehicles are the in thing. Even government officials, who were known to use only Peugeot products as official cars as a sign of modesty, have upgraded to Toyota Prado as official vehicle without any iota of shame, in a country where about 70 per cent live below poverty line. Private jets have become as common as cars. A nation that imports toothpicks and pins flaunts wealth and wallows in ostentation at a time its children are trooping to Ghana, South Africa and the UK for university education and its sick people are running to India for treatment. India produces automobile and exports it to the world.

India’s medical care is second to none, with even Americans and Europeans travelling to the country for medical treatment. India has joined the nuclear powers nations. India has launched a successful mission to the moon. Yet bicycles and tricycles are common sights in India. But in Nigeria, only the wretched of the earth ride bicycles. I have intentionally chosen to compare Nigeria with India rather than China, South Korea, Brazil, Malaysia, or Singapore, because of the similarities between India and Nigeria.

But these countries were not as promising as Nigeria at the time of our independence. Some would say that our undoing is our size: the 2012 United Nations estimate puts Nigeria’s population at 166 million, while India has a population of 1.2 billion. Some would blame it on the multiplicity of ethnic groups: we have 250 ethnic groups, India has more than 2,000.

Some would hang it on the diversity in religion: we have two major religions — Christianity and Islam; but India has many. Some would say it is because we are young as an independent nation: we have 52 years of independence; India has 65 years. Apartheid ended in South Africa only in 1994. I am a Christian, and nothing can change me from Christianity. But I think that our country is daily sinking into religiosity to the detriment of godliness. Our land is sick and needs healing.

“If my people who are called by my name will humble themselves, and pray and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land” is still a saying that is germane to our current situation. We need more godliness than religion; more work and less of hope; and more action and less of words.

Let everyone tidy up his or her corner first and demand fervently that our leaders tidy their areas of governance. Our nation is degenerating at a fast pace and we need to save it now or it may be too late.

I Had No Reason

A couple was in despair because their 3 year old son still had not learned how to talk. Not a word had escaped through those now 3 year old lips. One night at dinner, the son took a taste of his pie, and to their utter surprise and amazement, said, “You call this pie? It tastes like some tasteless mush!” His parents just sat there in shock, for this was not just their son’s first sentence, but the first words he ever uttered! Once the initial shock had subsided, his father asked, “Tell me son, how come you never spoke until now?” And the son explained, “I never had any reason to. Everything was always fine.”

The Speeding Old Lady

A cop was hiding in his usual spot when he saw a car speed by at 90 mph. The cop quickly turned on his sirens and pulled over the speeding old lady. And with a tough voice, he demanded “License and registration please!” But the old lady responded, “I’m sorry, I forgot to ask him where he keeps his registration before I shot him.” The cop nervously held onto his gun and hollered, “You what!” And the lady repeated, “I shot him! I stuck him in the trunk if you want to see.”

Within 2 minutes there were 8 police cars pulled up behind her and a police talking into a megaphone, “Come out of the car with your hands up.” While one cop watched the lady, another opened the trunk, looked in and said, “Um mam, there’s no dead man in this trunk.” And the lady asked, “Well why would there be?” And another cop said, “Excuse me, this car seems to be registered in your name.” The lady then asked, “Well, why wouldn’t it be?” Then both cops responded, “Well, the cop said that you told him you killed the owner and put him in the trunk.” And with a wave of her hand, the old lady said, “Humph, I bet that old liar told you I was speeding too!”

It’s, How Are You?

During a police interrogation, the crime investigation officer asked the drug suspect, “How high are you?” And the suspect responded, “No officer! It’s hi, how are you?”

Hang Up Your Troubles

Paresh, an Indian carpenter I once hired to help me restore my old farmhouse had just finished a difficult and hard first day on the job. A flat tyre on his lorry made him lose an hour of work, his electric saw packed in, and now his ancient pickup truck refused to start. While I drove him home, Paresh sat in stony, thoughtful silence. On arriving, Paresh, in the way of all Indian gentlefolk, invited me in to meet his family. As we walked toward the front door, he paused briefly at a small tree, touching the tips of the branches with both hands.

When opening the door to his home, he underwent an amazing transformation. His tanned face wreathed in smiles and he hugged his two small children and gave his wife a kiss. After a cup of tea, he walked me to my car. We passed the tree and my curiosity got the better of me. I asked him about what I had seen him do earlier. And Paresh replied, “Oh, that's my trouble tree. I know I can't help having troubles on the job, but one thing for sure troubles don't belong in the house with my wife and the children. So I just hang them on the tree every night when I come home. Then in the morning I pick them up again.” Then he smiled winningly and added, “Funny thing is, when I come out in the morning to pick them up, there aren't nearly as many as I remember hanging up the night before.”

Morals of the story:

1.       You can leave your worries behind when you get home daily. Your home is your ultimate refuge.

2.       Things are often not as bad as we imagine them to be at the outset.

How To Be Truthful

Solomon being a firm believer of the more the merrier had 8 kids by the 10^th year of marriage. So, when he was forced to move because of his new job, he was having a very hard time finding an apartment where the landlord would be willing to rent to such a large family. And after being turned down one time too many, he finally had an idea. He said to his wife, “Listen here Ruth, go with the six little kids to the cemetery while I go see this apartment.” Later that day while checking out an apartment the landlord asked, “How many children do you have?” And Solomon truthfully replied, “I have 8 children, but 6 of them are with their Mother in the cemetery.”

In The Clothing Store

Rosanne, a beautiful young foreigner walked into a small clothing store in the mall with her English speaking boyfriend who said with just a touch of an accent, “Excuse me, would it be ok with you if my girlfriend tried on the dress in the window?” After just a brief pause, the shop owner said, “Listen, business has been slow here for a while now. If you’re fine with her changing in the window, let her go on ahead; maybe it will bring in a few customers.”

The Three Kinds Of Men

There are three kinds of men in this world. While some remain single and make wonders happen, some have girlfriends and see wonders happen, and the rest get married and wonder what happened.

At The Museum

When the 90 year old museum tour guide croaked, “And this over here is a fossil 4 million and 69 years old, and on its left you can see another fossil that’s 2 million and 69 years old.”  A fellow in the audience exclaimed, “Wow! That’s really fascinating! How can you age it so accurately to the year?” The old chap answered, “Well that’s simple. It was two million years old when I started working here 69 years ago.”

Be Grateful Always

When the family sat for dinner and an older sister saw the leftover meatloaf from last night’s supper on the table, she exclaimed, “Oh no! Not leftovers again!” Immediately, their father responded sternly, “Young lady, do you know how many people would love to have a delicious supper like this? You should be ashamed of yourself! Now before we start eating, I want to hear you say grace thanking the Lord for this delicious meal!” Submissively, the girl muttered, “Thank you Lord for this delicious supper, again!”

Some Medical Recordings

Malaysia has 33 medical schools for mass production of doctors. And some medical students actually wrote these, on Patients’ Hospital Charts.

1.       She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was hot in bed last night.

2.       Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

3.       On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

4.       The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

5.       The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

6.       Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.

7.       Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

8.       The patient refused autopsy.

9.       The patient has no previous history of suicides.

10.   Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

11.   Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past 3 days.

12.   Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

13.   Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

14.   Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might want to work her up.

15.   She is numb from her toes down.

16.   While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

17.   The skin was moist and dry.

18.   Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

19.   Patient was alert and unresponsive.

20.   Rectal examination revealed a normal sized thyroid.

21.   She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

22.   I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

23.   Both breasts are equal, reactive to light and accommodation.

24.   Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

25.   The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

26.   The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.

27.   Skin: somewhat pale but present.

28.   The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

29.   Patient was seen in consultation by Dr Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

30.   Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

31.   Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

Insanity Unlimited

Sometimes I wonder why some people spend like crazy, knowing fully well that there are hungry family members, fellow country men, women and children without shelter, food and clothing. Is it because they didn’t earn the money honestly? Is it because their money has been cursed? You may have a better name for it. But I call it, “Insanity Unlimited,” when you;

1.       Buy a bathing soap for N80K; will it wash away your sins and sorrows?

2.       Pay N350K for one pair of Eye glasses; when you wear it, will you be able to see the future with it?

3.       Pay N150K for a pair of Italian shoes; will you be able to walk on water or air?

4.       Buy a Plasma TV for N500K; will it show you the Judgment day, or the last day of your life?

5.       Buy a Gold plated mobile phone for 3 million naira. Chai!!! Will you use it to answer heaven's calls?

6.       Buy a Hand Bag for 1.3Million naira; will you put your life inside it?

7.       Pay 2 million naira for per table at comedy-show; which type of laughter, haven’t you laughed before?

8.       Pay 3 Million naira per year at a university; will they make you the president when you graduate?

Remember, the smallest act of kindness that you show, can change someone's life. And that money only brings happiness if you help people with it. And let someone say to you, “BECAUSE OF YOU, I Didn't GIVE UP!” And finally, when you are blessed, don't just raise your STANDARD OF LIVING, also raise your LEVEL GIVING AND ASSISTANCE.

Who Stooped So Low?

When a midget went to the Police Station to complain that someone had picked his pocket, the desk officer exclaimed, “What! I can’t believe someone would stoop so low!”

WHEN I DIE

I SURE WON’T NEED YOUR FLOWERS.

I SURE WON’T NEED YOUR TEARS.

AND I CERTAINLY WON’T NEED PEOPLE,

Flying to come and say goodbye.

If you love me that much,

What are you waiting for?

Send me them flowers now!

Come see me now!

PLEASE DON’T WAIT TILL I’M GONE!

LOVE ME TODAY!