A Grateful Wife’s Offer

Though a wife was really pissed off when she found out that her husband was cheating on her with a woman named Susan, she decided to formally offer her, her husband with the following letter.

Dear Susan,

While I thank you for leaving bite marks all over my husband’s chest last night, I wish you to know that you have just saved my family from a nightmare. And to reward you for your services, I am offering you my husband for keeps. Please note that your prize comes with the following.

Since he'll soon be broke, be prepared to support him in all ways! You are going to have to financially support him, because as you already know, we have two children which means, he will have to give up a sizeable chunk of his pay and other earnings to support them in the manner they deserve. Also keep in mind that since he has kept me a stay at home mother for the better part of 12 years, he will also be paying me alimony. So forget about his money honey because it’s mine!

You will have to provide him with new attire. You see after he stepped from our (now mine) shower this morning dripping wet and naked is when I discovered your “love bites.” And it just so happened that at that exact moment a giant black hole appeared in my home and devoured almost all of his clothing. Therefore, he will come to you almost naked (lucky you). The bright side is that you can now dress him any way you wish.

What you should never do is get between his children’s relationship with him. You will be giving him up every other weekend to be with his children. And since he had openly admitted in front of several people that you are just some dumb drunk that he met at the pub, you will be banned from these visits for fear for my children’s safety.

I know you didn’t make love to him last night and you will not be having a proper sex life, because since his back injury 5 years ago, his manhood hasn’t worked right. Too bad for you because before then, it was the best sex ever and we made love all the time! No, it can’t be fixed! Its nerve got damaged! So, deal with it. And no, you will not return him to me because I won’t have him back. He messed up when he touched you! I was a good wife to him and he had a good thing here. And I know you can’t live up to me and he will make you miserable for it! Good Bye.