Don’t Mess With Grandpa

When the Inland Revenue Service decided to audit a Grandpa, and summoned him to their office, Grandpa showed up with his attorney. The Revenue auditor said, “Well, Sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explained by saying that you win money by gambling. I’m not sure this department finds that believable.” And Grandpa said, “I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it. Would you like a demonstration?” The auditor thought for a moment and said, “Okay, go ahead.” Grandpa then said, I’ll bet you a thousand dollars I can bite my own eye.” The auditor thought for another moment and said, “It’s a bet.” When Grandpa then removed his glass eye and bit it, the auditor’s jaw dropped.

Then Grandpa said, “Now, I’ll bet you thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.” Since the auditor could tell that Grandpa wasn’t blind, he took the bet. Grandpa then removed his dentures and bit his good eye. The auditor now realizing he has wagered and lost three thousand dollars with Grandpa’s attorney as witness, he started to get nervous. Grandpa then asked, “Do you want to go for double or nothing? I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.” The auditor, who has by now been twice burned, was cautious but he looked carefully and decided there’s no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agreed again.

Grandpa then stood beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strained mightily, he couldn’t make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinated all over the auditor’s desk. The auditor leaped with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Grandpa’s attorney moaned and put his head in his hands. So the auditor asked the attorney, “Are you okay?” And the attorney replied, “Not really! This morning when Grandpa told me he’d been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk, and that you’d be happy about it.”