From A Seenager’s Corner _ Let Us Walk The Walk _ Part One

Fellow members, now that we have Talked the Talk, here comes the time to Walk the Walk. We can’t start to Walk the Walk, until we have removed the logs in our eyes, that we may see clearly to remove the specks in our neighbours’ eyes. And these logs are our Greed, Corruption, Shamelessness and Heartlessness. Like my brother Solomon said, “There is nothing new under the sun; it is only old things happening to new people.” The beauty of our situation lies in the fact that we have all the funds with which to revamp our economy. And it is sitting all around us. All we need is the balls to gather the funds, and judiciously use same to revamp our economy. So fellow members, it is no use continuing to deny how religiously ignorant we are, how corrupt we have been or how much we have looted and carted away; because all these have been facilitated by some unfortunate employees, friends and or relatives.

Over the years, we have all had that the unfortunate sober moments when you go to receive a friend/relative/colleague who have earlier joyfully flown abroad in first class, but now being delivered to you as cargo. And the other moments before a coffin is covered, when you look at the corpse and don’t see it wearing that one-in-town expensive wedding ring, the diamond rimmed gold wrist watch and ostrich leather shoes. And suddenly, you remember that neither you nor members of his or her family know some of his or her bank accounts. Though you have always mouthed the fact naked you were born, and you can’t take anything with you; you realize how much you have failed to live it.

So now that we have seen, done and enjoyed it all, here comes the time to kill and bury our Greed, Corruption, Shamelessness and heartlessness that we may be born in Contentment. Let us appreciate that it will be better for us to clean up ourselves, rather than allow others to come and forcefully clean us up. We know that our salaries and allowances don’t make sense in any sane economy. So let’s review our salaries and allowances, stop receiving pensions while being gainfully employed and refund all stolen and looted funds, and their products in property and cash, both at home and abroad. Why should we receive extra pay for serving pay for serving on certain committees, when we are still working within our same 24 hour day? When all these changes would have been done, we shall then have the moral justification to start cleaning up the society, and proudly welcome The Change We Need. In Part Two we shall say, “Now, put your money where your mouth is.”

From A Seenager’s Corner

Welcome to, “From A Seenager’s Corner,” my new Talk Shop Column that will focus mainly on Life, Honesty, Anti-Corruption, Governance, Religiosity, Change, The Change we need, The Change we must have, Our Roots and Our Comic Lives. For the benefit of my first time readers, I am Dr. Charles Evi Parker (PhD, Metaphysics). And according to my age, a Seenager; that is Senior Teenager. And a blessed one too. I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 50 years later. I don't have to go to school. I get an allowance every month. I have my own pad. I don't have a curfew. I have a driver's license and my own car. I have ID that gets me into everywhere. The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant, they aren’t scared of anything, they have been blessed to live this long, why be scared? And I don't have acne. 

Life is good! Also, I feel much more intelligent after reading that, “Brains of older people are slow because they know so much. People do not decline mentally with age it just takes them longer to recall facts because they have more information in their brains. Scientists believe this also makes you hard of hearing as it puts pressure on your inner ear. Also, older people often go to another room to get something and when they get there, they stand there wondering what they came for. It is NOT a memory problem it is nature's way of making older people do more exercise.” And I now eat slower, chew longer that my food may receive enough saliva, before being received by my body.  And when I keep repeating myself or digressing, it is not because of want of what to say or forgetfulness, but because there is so much information to be sorted.

And to kick start this column, I have the pleasure to reproduce my broadcast of May 25, 2015.

Nigeria Has No Business, With Indebtedness

Ladies and gentlemen, I have the pleasure and honour to welcome us to our Administration of Change. Ever since our people decided to give us the opportunity to effect Change in their lives, we have been receiving lots and lots of congratulatory and condolence messages. Congratulatory, because we have been lucky to be so honoured. Condolences, because they feel, and rightfully too, that we are taking over a Nation in deep crises; as if we didn’t know that.

They say, “We are being handed a distressed country without electricity and fuel, where workers are on strike, billions are owed to states and federal workers, 60 billion dollars are owed in national debt and the economy is virtually grounded.” As if we don’t know that. They say, “States and federal government workers are being owed, some 300 billion Naira and 400 billion Naira in salaries, respectively.” As if we don’t know that.

And I say, “We have no problems. We shall neither beg, nor borrow. How can we have any problems, when we have all the money that we will ever need to fix these problems, sitting all around us?  No one needs to be a Rocket Scientist to know that whatever we claim to own, both in properties and finance, don’t genuinely belong to us. To be able to effect the promised change, we must first and foremost, clean up this filthy stable of ours. We must stop playing the ostrich, and refund all that we didn’t deserve. When we have removed the log in our eyes, we shall then see clearly to remove the speck in our neighbours’ eyes. We shall be transparent, and play by the book.”

Though we know, that they know, that we know that whatever they claim to own don’t genuinely belong to them, we shall still enact a “Law Of Accountability/Proof Of Ownership,” among others.

1.       Every property shall be titled, and the owner shall account for it’s acquisition, with relevant tax payments.

2.       All properties that have been acquired with looted funds shall be confiscated.

3.       All monies in commercial banks and the central bank shall be identified, and if found to be looted funds, shall be confiscated otherwise, shall be taxed accordingly.

4.       All foreign account holders with looted funds shall be given an option to voluntarily refund such funds, or be arrested and detained till such funds have been repatriated.

5.       Anyone claiming a property which is suspected to have been acquired with looted funds, shall forfeit same, or be charged for receiving stolen property.

6.       No executive shall receive his or her salary/allowance, until the least paid worker has been paid.

So ladies and gentlemen, may we have the courage to say, “No to Greed, and Yes to Contentment,” that we may move this Nation to great heights.

When To Take Action

There shall be no better time to take action than,

“When you see that in order to produce, you need to obtain permission from those who produce nothing.”

“When you see that money is flowing to those who deal, not in goods, but in favours.”

“When you see that men get richer by graft and by pull than by work, and your laws don’t protect you against them, but protect them against you.”

“When you see corruption being rewarded and honesty becoming self-sacrifice, you may know that your nation is doomed; and you must stand up and take action, because they will never help you.”

From tomorrow, my broadcasts shall focus mainly on Change, the change we need, the change we must have, our roots and our comic lives. And I shall joyfully be sharing some experiences of most Seenagers.

Her Uncanny Testimony

When it was testimony time during one Sunday service, the pastor asked, “May we have some testimonies, why you stopped drinking alcohol?" A lady in the middle row stood up and said, “I had to stop drinking alcohol because of my legs.” And when the pastor asked, “Why, do they swell so much you couldn’t walk to Jesus?” The lady promptly replied, “Oh no! They open too quickly!!”

Some Random Facts_5

1.       Dildo is a town on the island of Newfoundland, Canada.

2.       Despite weighing up to 750 kg (1653 lb), the colossal squid only requires around 30 grams (1.1 oz) of food a day.

3.       Before 1917, members of the British Royal Family had no surname, but only the name of the house or dynasty to which they belonged.

4.       An Air India ground crew member died after he was sucked into the engine of a parked plane preparing for departure at Mumbai airport in 2015.

5.       The Who, the rock band, was originally called The High Numbers.

6.       Mitsubishi had to change the name of its Pajero model in Spanish-speaking countries, where it means “Wanker.”

7.       Scientists believe there is a ninth planet in our solar system that is roughly 10 times larger than Earth. They haven’t been able to locate it yet but they know it’s there because of its gravitational effects on other objects.

8.       90% of rural Australians say their lives are already affected by climate change.

9.       Shark attacks are more common in Florida than voter fraud.

10.   Singer Demi Lovato pursued her education through home-schooling, after being a victim of bullying.

11.   Mexico is the United States' third-largest trade partner, accounting for $1.5 billion in bilateral trade across its border on any given day.

12.   Singer Tina Turner tried to commit suicide by swallowing 50 Valiums.

13.   Jennifer Lopez was the first one to have her movie and her album reach no.1 in the same week.

14.   The Stegodyphus lineatus desert spider feeds her babies by vomiting up her own guts.

15.   Chimpanzees fart so loudly and frequently that scientists locate them in forest occasionally by following the farts.

16.   40% of corn is used for ethanol to add to fuel. Another 40% is used for livestock feed.

How To Stop The Spread Of Anger

While a man was working and his boss started shouting at him, it made him weak and useless. And when the man got home, he immediately shouted at his wife, accusing her of spending too much money. This made her feel small and helpless. So she shouted at their son for breaking a plate. It made the child feel clumsy and stupid. So the child shouted at the dog and kicked it. The dog felt hurt and frightened. So the dog ran outside and bit a woman on the street. The woman was shocked and in pain. And when she went to the hospital to treat the bite, and shouted at the doctor because the treatment hurt, the doctor felt frustrated and unappreciated.

And when the doctor went home and shouted at his mother for not having dinner ready, his mother stayed calm. She stroked his hair and said, “Tomorrow I will cook your favorite meal. You work so hard, and you’re very tired. I’ll go put fresh sheets on your bed so you can have a good night’s sleep. You’ll feel better in the morning,” She kissed him on the cheek and left him alone to rest. And so the circle of anger was broken with patience, forgiveness, and love. It’s so important not to spread anger. If you find yourself caught up in a circle of anger, remember you can break it; if you are patient, you are willing to forgive, and you are full of love.

Creating Awareness

When a young lady returned from a date with her boyfriend, she went straight to her father and said, “Dad, there is something my boyfriend said to me that I didn’t understand.” And the father asked, “What could that be, my baby girl?” So the daughter told him, “He said that I have a beautiful chassis, lovely airbags and a fantastic bumper.”

Immediately and sternly too, her father warned, “Tell your boyfriend that if he ever opens your bonnet and tries to check your oil with his dipstick, I will tighten his nuts so hard that his headlights will pop out and he will start leaking from his exhaust pipe.”

“And that is the way to go. Always keep an open line of communication with your children.”