Acting On His Doctor’s Advice

A doctor was walking down the street one day, when he came upon one of his 85 year old patients with a very beautiful and well-endowed young lady on his arm. And his patient was really looking the happiest, he had ever seen him. The old guy looked up to him and said, "Well Doc. I took your advice and look at me mow." Puzzled, the doctor asked what the advice was. And the old guy responded, "You told me to get a hot Mama and be very cheerful," But the doctor exclaimed, "Oh, no! I told you that you have got a heart murmur and to be very careful."

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A Logical Answer

When a teacher asked his class, "Who can name a bird with wings, but can't fly." One of the students answered, "A dead bird, sir."

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Some Random Facts_37

1. Monaco has the most millionaires and billionaires per capita.

2. Las Vegas airport has set up a bin outside one of the entrances for people who forgot they were carrying drugs on them.

3. Brain scans reveal that, compared to introverts, extroverts show increased activity in the areas associated with interpreting sensory data.

4. If you're in Iceland beware of the phrase 'I will find you on a beach': this idiom (or threat) means, ' I'll get my revenge,' or 'don't make me hurt you.'

5. 85 million years before butterflies existed, there was another insect that looked and acted exactly like a butterfly.

6. Potato aphids will not have sex if they detect a drop in air pressure.

7. A party boat carrying sixty men and women capsized in Texas in 2012 after all the passengers rushed to one side as the boat passed a nude beach.

8. 94% of the women surveyed who work in the U.S. entertainment industry say they've experienced some form of sexual harassment or assault.

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The Religious Horse

During a church bazaar, a man bought a horse formally owned by the parish priest. After the sale and before the man left, the priest told him that it was a special horse. In order to make the horse go, you say, "Thank God," and for it to stop you say, "Amen." So the man left on his new ride, and a few minutes later he dozed off. But hours later when he woke up, his horse was racing him towards the edge of a cliff. Just in time, he shouted "Amen!" and the horse stopped a few inches from the edge. "Whew," said the man, "thank God!" And they plunged!

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Bullfrog Ventriloquist Trick

A man walked into a bar and asked the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?" The bartender considered it, and agreed. The man reached into his pocket and pulled out a tiny rat. He reached into his other pocket and pulled out a tiny piano. The rat stretched, cracked his knuckles, and proceeded to play the blues. The bartender poured the man a drink on the house and he the man put the rat and piano away. After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, "If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?" The bartender thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first, agreed.

The man reached into his pockets again, and pulled out the tiny rat and tiny piano. The rat stretched, cracked his knuckles, and proceeded once more to play the blues. The man then reached into a third pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, which began to sing along with the rat's music. While the man was enjoying his beverages, a stranger approached him and offered him $100,000.00 for the bullfrog. But the man replied "Sorry, he's not for sale." The stranger increased the offer to $250,000.00 cash up front. The man repeated, "No, he's not for sale." The stranger again increased the offer, this time to $500,000.00 cash. The man finally agreed and handed the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money. But when the bartender queried, "Are you insane, that frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere $500,000!" The man responded, "Don't worry about it! The frog was nothing special. You see, the rat's a ventriloquist."

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When To Mind Your Words

I was just seated on an airplane when I overheard a flight attendant talking to an elderly couple seated a few seats away, in front of me. Learning that it was the couple's 50th wedding anniversary, the flight attendant congratulated them and asked how they had done it. The gentleman said slowly, "It all felt like five minutes..." The flight attendant had just begun to remark on what a sweet statement that was, when he finished his sentence with a word that earned him a sharp smack on the head, "...underwater."

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Some Random Facts_36

1. "Scooby-Doo, Where Are You!" was originally called "Who's S-S-Scared?"

2. The Nazis are believed to have sterilised 400,000 Germans deemed to have lives not worth living.

3. The cities of Jericho, Luxor, Damascus, Byblos and Beirut have been continuously inhabited for more than 5,000 years.

4. One of the oldest species of animal still with us are the horseshoe crabs who appeared 445 million years ago. They've survived for 75% of the entire span of animal life on the planet.

5. The Nigerian film industry, or Nollywood, is the second largest in the world in terms of numbers of films produced.

6. A study found that 99% of all participants in multi-level marketing schemes lose money.

7. In 1996, Australia enacted strict gun laws. It had no mass shooting since.

8. In Sweden, up to 63,000 people, mostly women, were sterilised under a racial purity programme approved by the state until 1976.

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