The Aborted Test

While performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test, the doctor placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with your hand and read." The patient read the 20/20 line perfectly. And the doctor said, “Now your left eye." Again, a flawless read.

Then the doctor requested, “Now both." And there was silence. The patient couldn't even read the large E on the top line. The doctor turned and discovered that, the patient had done exactly what he had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. The doctor laughed too hard, to complete the test.

A Heart Choice

At a hospital’s Emergency Unit, the doctor told a man who has had a heart attack, “You will not live unless you have a heart transplant right away.” Just then, another doctor ran into the room and said, "You're in luck. Two hearts have just become available, so you will get to choose which one you want. One belongs to a lawyer and the other to a social worker".

Without hesitation, the man responded, "The lawyer's, please." But the doctor asked, "Wait a minute! Don't you want to know a little about them before you make your decision?" And the man replied, "I already know enough. We all know that social workers are bleeding hearts, and lawyers usually never use theirs. So I'll take the lawyer's."

Visitation

I love Santa Claus.

He has the right ideas.

Visit people only once a year.

                                                                       And visit with your presents!!!

A Scientific Fact

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe.

Preosllnay I dno’t tinhk its cmolpete nenosnese. Waht do you tnihk?

A Billing Effect

While on his way to court to begin arguments on a complex lawsuit, a popular young lawyer suddenly found himself at the Gates of Heaven and Hell. But before St. Peter could pronounce judgment, the lawyer protested, "I'm much too young to die, considering that I'm only 35." St. Peter agreed that 35 did seem to be a bit young to be recalled, and agreed to look into his case.

When St. Peter returned, he told the lawyer, "My son, I'm afraid that the mistake must have been yours. According to the number of hours that you've billed to your clients, you're at least 110."

How They Make Surgical Gloves

While getting ready to clean an elderly lady's teeth, the dentist noticed that the lady was a little nervous. So he began to tell her a story as he was putting on his surgical gloves. He started, "Do you know how they make these rubber gloves?" And the lady replied. "No."

Then the dentist continued, "Well, in the factory, they set up a large tank of latex and the workers are all picked according to their hand sizes. They walk up to the tank, dip their hands in, and then walk around for a bit while the latex sets up and dries right onto their hands. Then they peel off the gloves and throw them into the big 'Finished Goods Crate' and start the process all over again."

But the lady didn't laugh a bit. Five minutes into the procedure, he had to stop cleaning her teeth because she burst out laughing, blushed and exclaimed, "I just suddenly thought about how they would make Condoms.”

The Mother-in-law Phobia

As a lady who was scheduled to fly abroad, to visit her husband serving in the military arrived at the check-in counter, the ticket agent asked her some standard security questions. "Has anyone given you any packages that you didn't pack yourself?"

The lady told him that her mother-in-law had given her a parcel, to take to her son. The ticket agent looked at her quizzically, and then asked, "Does she like you?"