1. I think
it’s important for people to realize that an affair can be the last thing on
your mind but that it’s easy for harmless friendships to progress into
something more when you’re unhappy at home. I was with my husband nearly 11
years. I had been primarily supporting us financially and emotionally for seven
years and as the sole breadwinner of four. I met a man in one of my continuing
education classes and what followed was eight months of conflicted feelings,
marriage counseling, ultimatums and anything else I could think of to save our
marriage before I gave into an affair. Three months later, I was so exhausted
and torn I left my husband even though he had forgiven me for cheating. About a
month later, I started exclusively dating the other man I was involved with and
asked my husband for a divorce. I still feel terrible about it. The affair
wasn’t the reason I left but I wonder if I would have had the strength to
realize how unhappy I was without it happening. I still love my husband but I
knew he’d never change so I had to walk away.
2. Cheating
on my ex-husband isn’t something I’m proud of and I would never do it again.
The question I get asked a lot is why? Why did I cheat? Back then I would have
given you a whole list of reasons: there was a communication breakdown, he had
vices, he didn’t take care of himself. But in retrospect, the one reason that
stands out is how confused I was about how life and relationships work. I
thought once my husband changed, everything would be OK. I couldn’t see that my
feelings of frustration over our relationship weren’t about his behavior, it
was about me: I created the the negative mood through my
negative thoughts. Then I allowed myself to become infatuated with another man.
Things would have been very different if I had adjusted my way of thinking.
3. I
didn’t have an affair like most people do. There was no sneaking around or
lying to my husband. Actually, it was all in plain sight right until the very
end. I was best friends with a guy for 17 years. He was the person I confided
in when I was sad, when something amazing happened, honestly, anytime anything
of note happened. The surprising thing is my husband encouraged it. If I came
to my spouse with some big problem, he would tell me to go have lunch with my
friend and tell him about it. So I did. At first I thought I was doing what was
best for my husband because he worked so much and didn’t need my problems. But
after a while, I pulled further away from him. On our five year anniversary I
told him he had one year to get his act together and become the man our
children and I needed him to be. Ten months later, I was in marriage counselling
with my soon-to-be ex-husband, begging for a divorce, sleeping with my best
friend and watching my whole world fall apart.
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