From A Seenager’s Corner

Welcome to, “From A Seenager’s Corner,” my new Talk Shop Column that will focus mainly on Life, Honesty, Anti-Corruption, Governance, Religiosity, Change, The Change we need, The Change we must have, Our Roots and Our Comic Lives. For the benefit of my first time readers, I am Dr. Charles Evi Parker (PhD, Metaphysics). And according to my age, a Seenager; that is Senior Teenager. And a blessed one too. I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 50 years later. I don't have to go to school. I get an allowance every month. I have my own pad. I don't have a curfew. I have a driver's license and my own car. I have ID that gets me into everywhere. The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant, they aren’t scared of anything, they have been blessed to live this long, why be scared? And I don't have acne. 

Life is good! Also, I feel much more intelligent after reading that, “Brains of older people are slow because they know so much. People do not decline mentally with age it just takes them longer to recall facts because they have more information in their brains. Scientists believe this also makes you hard of hearing as it puts pressure on your inner ear. Also, older people often go to another room to get something and when they get there, they stand there wondering what they came for. It is NOT a memory problem it is nature's way of making older people do more exercise.” And I now eat slower, chew longer that my food may receive enough saliva, before being received by my body.  And when I keep repeating myself or digressing, it is not because of want of what to say or forgetfulness, but because there is so much information to be sorted.

And to kick start this column, I have the pleasure to reproduce my broadcast of May 25, 2015.

Nigeria Has No Business, With Indebtedness

Ladies and gentlemen, I have the pleasure and honour to welcome us to our Administration of Change. Ever since our people decided to give us the opportunity to effect Change in their lives, we have been receiving lots and lots of congratulatory and condolence messages. Congratulatory, because we have been lucky to be so honoured. Condolences, because they feel, and rightfully too, that we are taking over a Nation in deep crises; as if we didn’t know that.

They say, “We are being handed a distressed country without electricity and fuel, where workers are on strike, billions are owed to states and federal workers, 60 billion dollars are owed in national debt and the economy is virtually grounded.” As if we don’t know that. They say, “States and federal government workers are being owed, some 300 billion Naira and 400 billion Naira in salaries, respectively.” As if we don’t know that.

And I say, “We have no problems. We shall neither beg, nor borrow. How can we have any problems, when we have all the money that we will ever need to fix these problems, sitting all around us?  No one needs to be a Rocket Scientist to know that whatever we claim to own, both in properties and finance, don’t genuinely belong to us. To be able to effect the promised change, we must first and foremost, clean up this filthy stable of ours. We must stop playing the ostrich, and refund all that we didn’t deserve. When we have removed the log in our eyes, we shall then see clearly to remove the speck in our neighbours’ eyes. We shall be transparent, and play by the book.”

Though we know, that they know, that we know that whatever they claim to own don’t genuinely belong to them, we shall still enact a “Law Of Accountability/Proof Of Ownership,” among others.

1.       Every property shall be titled, and the owner shall account for it’s acquisition, with relevant tax payments.

2.       All properties that have been acquired with looted funds shall be confiscated.

3.       All monies in commercial banks and the central bank shall be identified, and if found to be looted funds, shall be confiscated otherwise, shall be taxed accordingly.

4.       All foreign account holders with looted funds shall be given an option to voluntarily refund such funds, or be arrested and detained till such funds have been repatriated.

5.       Anyone claiming a property which is suspected to have been acquired with looted funds, shall forfeit same, or be charged for receiving stolen property.

6.       No executive shall receive his or her salary/allowance, until the least paid worker has been paid.

So ladies and gentlemen, may we have the courage to say, “No to Greed, and Yes to Contentment,” that we may move this Nation to great heights.