Beware Of Chinese Purchase Guarantee

During a business trip to China, a man wanted to buy some gifts for his kids. So he went to a shop and found a nice looking CD player. But wary of buying inferior goods, he asked the shopkeeper, “What will happen if this does not work?” The shopkeeper quietly pointed to the only sign in English that read, “GUARANTEE NO SPOILT.”

Feeling assured, the man paid for the CD player and returned to his hotel. A few minutes after returning to the hotel, he tried to use the CD player but it would not even switch on. He quickly returned to the shop and asked for a refund or an exchange for another unit. When the shopkeeper refused to give either, the man pointed to the sign assuring him of a guarantee. The shopkeeper then said, “Brother, you are in China. We read from the right to the left.”

Reviewing Jonah And The Whale Story

When a teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because, though a whale is a very large mammal it has a very small throat, a little girl countered, “But Jonah was swallowed by a whale.”

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl then said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah." And when the teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell," The little girl replied, "Then you will ask him."

Mischief In Church

During one evening church service, a wife decided that it was time to stop her husband from sleeping in Church. So, she took her hat pin and decided she would poke him every time he fell asleep. Right about the first time he fell asleep, the preacher asked, "And who created the Universe?" The wife poked her husband and he awoke and yelled, "My God!"

The second time he fell asleep, the preacher asked, "And who died on the cross for you?" She poked her husband again, and he screamed, "Jesus Christ!" The third time, the Preacher asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?" And when the wife poked her husband again, he jumped up and yelled, "By God, if you poke me with that thing one more time, I am going to break it OFF!"

Uncanny Letter Of Recommendation

When John learned that he was being fired, he went to see the head of human resources and said, "Since I've been with the firm for so long, I think I deserve at least a letter of recommendation." And the human resources director agreed and said he'd have the letter that next day. Sure enough, the following morning, John found the letter on his desk. And it read, "John Solomon worked for our company for eleven years. And when he left us, we were very satisfied."

What Will You Take Off?

An accountant asked his personal assistant, “I have twenty-five million naira; what will you take off to get 25%?” Excitedly, she replied, “Boss, honestly, I will take off my blouse, my bra, my skirt, and even my panties.”

Who Is The Jerk?

A guy got home early from work and heard strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushed upstairs and found his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. In panic, he asked, “What's up?” And his wife cried, “I'm having a heart spasm.” He immediately rushed downstairs, grabbed the phone, but just as he was dialing, his four-year-old son came in and exclaimed, “Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Francis is hiding in your wardrobe and he's got no clothes on!”

The guy slammed the phone down and stormed upstairs, into the bedroom, past his screaming wife and ripped open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there was his brother, totally naked, and cowering on the wardrobe floor. And the husband yelled, “You jerk! My wife is there having a heart spasm and you're running around with no clothes on, scaring the kids!”

Is This Insanity Or What?

Why don’t we go back to our roots, before we lose all that is left of our brains, and ability to think? Considering that there was a time, when we laughed at the creation of zombies, don’t we wonder how we have gradually become worse than the zombies? The other day when Brother Francis opined that, “All religions are true,” we ignorantly cried foul. Come to think of it, if all religions are not true, then all nationalities can’t be true.

·         What is a religion?

·         Was religion in creation?

·         Who created religion?

·         Is religion, the after-thought of the Creator?

·         Is religion, the after-thought of man?

·         Now, we gullibly believe that there are, “Men of God.”

·         Corruption has become a status symbol.

·         Adultery is now legalized in South Africa by the Constitutional Court

·         Gay Marriage is now legalized by the U.S.  Supreme Court.

·         Germany’s National Ethics Council has called for an end to the criminalization of incest between siblings after examining the case of a man who had four children with his sister.

·         Japanese court has ruled, "Adultery is Ok if it is for business  purpose"

Who knows what next? Why don’t we use whatever is left of our brains, and THINK? Think about going back to our roots. At least, we know what was in our roots.