Why Do They Do These?

During their Sunday lunch, John’s mother observed that he was absent mindedly smiling to himself. “A penny for your thoughts,” she said. And with a broad smile on his face, John announced, "Dad, Mum, I have found myself a wife. She is Agnes, the most beautiful girl in our neighbourhood.” And both parents chorused, “That is great news, son.” After lunch, John’s father took him to his study, sat him down and said, “Though your mother is a wonderful wife and mother, she has never offered me much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with other women a lot. Son, I'm afraid you can't marry Agnes because she is actually your half-sister.”

It took John about nine months to get over the shock. Then he met and started dating Josephine; and later brought her home to meet his parents.  After the introduction, his father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news. "Son, I'm awfully sorry about this. Josephine is your half-sister too.” Angrily, John went and complained to his mother saying, "Mum, Dad has done so much harm to my love life. I guess I'm never going to get a wife around here. Every time I fall in love, he tells me the girl is my half-sister." But his mother chuckled, shook her head and said, "Don't pay any attention to what he says. He's not really your father."

How We Use Petroleum Jelly

While doing his door-to-door market research, he knocked on a door and the door was opened by a beautiful young housewife. He greeted, "Good morning, I’m doing some research for a petroleum jelly manufacturer. Have you ever used petroleum jelly?"

The lady smilingly answered, "Yes, of course. My husband and I use it during sex." Though taken aback but impressed by the lady’s response, the researcher continued, “I admire you for your honesty. Can you tell me exactly how you use it?" And the lady replied, "Sure, we put it on the doorknob so the kids can’t get in."

How Grandma Uses Birth Control Pills

A new doctor told grandma to bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her, at her next checkup. And she did. As the young doctor was looking through the list, his eyes grew wide when he saw a prescription for birth control pills. He asked "Mrs. Thomas, do you realize that these are BIRTH CONTROL pills?"

Grandma smiled, and responded, “Yes, I do. They help me sleep at night." But when the young doctor told her, "Mrs. Thomas, I assure you that there is absolutely NOTHING in these pills that could possibly help you to sleep.” Grandma smiled again and said, "Yes dear, I know that. But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange juice that my 16 year old granddaughter drinks. And that helps me to sleep at night."

At A Church Offering

Before the offering rounds in one popular church last Sunday, the Pastor emphasized, “God loves cheerful givers. The more you give, the more you receive.” But when one of the ushers got to Johnson’s row, the words of the Pastor didn’t seem to have impacted on him, as he frantically searched his pocket for a N10 note, which he dropped in the offering basket, before it continued on its way to the end of the row.

Just as the offering basket was getting back to Johnson on its return trip, a gentleman gently tapped him on the shoulder from behind him, and handed him, a N1000 note. Johnson received it, and gleefully dropped it, in the basket. But when he turned around to thank the man, the man said, “Don’t mention it my dear. After all, it fell out of your pocket when you were to make your offering.”

It took the intervention of the Pastor, for Johnson to release the basket.

Uncanny Diagnosis

When a young doctor moved to a small community to replace an older doctor who was retiring, the older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds, so the community could become used to a new doctor. At the first house a woman complained, “Doctor, I've been a little sick to my stomach.” The older doctor then told her, “Well, you've probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Why not cut back on the amount you've been eating and see if that does the trick?'

When they left, the younger doctor said, “You didn't even examine that woman. How could you have come to that diagnosis so quickly?” The older doctor responded, “I didn't have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there. When I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash. That was what probably was making her sick.” The younger doctor said, “Huh, pretty clever. I think I'll try that at the next house.”

Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes talking with a younger woman, who complained that she just didn't have the energy she once had and added, “I'm feeling terribly run down lately.” The younger doctor told her, “You've probably been doing too much work for the Church. Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps.”

As they left, the older doctor said, “I know that woman well. Your diagnosis is almost certainly correct, but how did you arrive at it?” And the younger doctor replied, “I did what you did at the last house.  I dropped my stethoscope and when I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed the deacon under the bed.”

How Many Have You Had?

After two years of marriage, John was still questioning his wife about her lurid past. He would say, "Come on honey, tell me. How many men have you been with?" And the wife would protest, "Baby, if I told you, you'd throw a fit." Then, John would promise, “I wouldn't get angry, I promise. Please tell me.”

So, the wife said, "Okay honey.” She then started to count on her fingers, "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven; and then you, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen.....”

Uncanny Solution

In their late father’s Last Will And Testament, he left an Asset of 17 Camels for his three sons to be shared as follows:- The first son should get half of the 17 Camels, the second son should be given 1/3rd of the 17 Camels, while the third son should be given 1/9th of the 17 Camels. As it wasn’t possible for them to divide 17 into 2, 3 or 9, the sons started to fight with each other. After a while, they decided to take their case, to a wise man.

After the wise man had listened patiently and thoughtfully to their case, he requested that the 17 Camels be brought. When they brought the 17 Camels before him, he added one of his own Camels to make it a total of 18 Camels. Then he started to read their father’s Will, “Half of 18 = 9, so he gave 9 camels to the first son; 1/3rd of 18 = 6, so he gave 6 camels to the second son; and 1/9th of 18 = 2, so he gave 2 camels to the third son. Now add up, 9 + 6 + 2 = 17, and one Camel left over, which the wise man took back.”

Applying Age Wisdom

A young boy, who had just gotten his driver's license, inquired of his father if they could discuss his use of the family car. His father responded, “Son, I will make a deal with you. You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little more, get your hair cut shorter, and we'll talk about the car."

The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer and they agreed on it. After about six weeks his father said, "Son, I've been real proud of you. You have brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible. But I'm real disappointed you haven't gotten your hair cut."

The young man paused a moment then said, "Dad, you know, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair and there's even a strong argument that Jesus also had long hair."

Smiling at his son’s seemingly brilliant submission, he asked, "Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went?"

Why Not Thirty Times?

On a farm out in the country lived a couple and their three sons. Early one morning, the woman awoke, and while looking out of the window onto the pasture, she saw that the family's only goat was lying dead in the field. The situation looked hopeless to her. How could she possibly continue to sexually satisfy her husband and three sons now that the goat was dead? In a depressed state of mind, she hung herself.

When the man awoke to find his wife dead, as well as the goat, he too began to see the hopelessness of the situation, and he shot himself in the head.

And when the oldest son woke up to discover his parents and the goat dead, he decided to go down to the river and drown himself. On getting to the river, he discovered a mermaid sitting on the bank. She said, "I have seen all and I know the reason for your despair. But if you will have sex with me five times in a row, then I will restore your parents and the goat to you." The son agreed to try, but after four times, he was simply unable to get it up again. So the mermaid drowned him in the river.

Next the second oldest son woke up. After discovering what had happened, he too decided to throw himself into the river. The mermaid said to him, "If you will have sex with me ten times in a row, then I will make everything right." And while the son tried his best, seven times wasn’t enough to satisfy the mermaid. So she drowned him in the river.

The youngest son woke up and saw his parents dead, the dead goat in the field, and his brothers gone. He decided that life was a hopeless prospect, especially with his goat gone, and he went down to the river to throw himself in. And there he also met the mermaid. "I have seen all that has happened, and I can make everything right if you will only have sex with me fifteen times in a row."

The young son replied, "Is that all? Why not twenty times in a row?" The mermaid was somewhat taken aback by this request. Then he said, "Hell, why not twenty-five times in a row?" And even as she was reluctantly agreeing to his request, he said, "Why not THIRTY times in a row?" Finally, she said, "Enough!! Okay, if you will have sex with me thirty times in a row, then I will bring everybody back to perfect health, along with your goat." Then the young son asked, "Wait! How do I know that thirty times in a row won't kill you like it did the goat?"

Beware Of All Greek Gifts

After shopping for most part of the day, and a couple returned to find that their car had been stolen, they went to the police station to make a full report. When a detective drove them back to the parking lot to see if any evidence could be found at the scene of the crime, they were amazed to find that their car had been returned.

However, there was an envelope on the windshield with a note of apology and two tickets to a famous music concert in town. The note read, “I apologize for taking your car, but my wife was having a baby and I had to hot-wire your ignition to rush her to the hospital. Please forgive the inconvenience. Here are two tickets for tonight's concert.”

Under such situation and gesture, their faith in humanity was restored. The couple attended the concert and returned home late to find that their house has been robbed. Valuable goods have been taken from throughout the house, from basement to attic. And, there was a note on the door which read, “Well, you still have your car. I have to put my newly born kid through college somehow, don't I?”

When Not To Ask

When having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary, the man leaned forward and said softly to his wife, "Honey, there is something that I have been meaning to ask you, that has always bothered me. Our fifth child doesn’t quite look like the rest of our children. Now I want to assure you that these 50 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer cannot take all that away. But, I must know, did he have a different father?"

The wife dropped her head, unable to look her husband in the eyes, thought for some moments and then confessed. "Yes. Yes he did." The man was badly shaken. The reality of what his wife was admitting hit him harder than he had expected. With tears in his eyes, he asked, "Who? Who was he? Who was the father?" Again, the wife dropped her head, said nothing at first, as she tried to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband. Then, finally, she answered, "You."

YES, BUHARI IS SICK: AND SO AM I

YES, BUHARI IS SICK; AND SO AM I

Nigerians and their infinite capacity for facile propaganda. I wake up this morning and what I see all over social media is some poor taste, childish diagnosis of Major General Buhari as being sick.

Well, I agree. I agree that Buhari is sick. I am sick, too. Any Nigerian who is not sick is not sick because he or she is incurably sick. We are all sick. And we should be sick. So, yes,...

...Buhari is sick of the monumental corruption that has become institutionalized in Nigeria;

...Buhari is sick of the incompetence of a government that cannot protect the lives and properties of its citizens;

...Buhari is sick of the lack of a sense of urgency in the circles of government in Nigeria;

...Buhari is sick of a country that has placed itself on permanent reverse gear;

...Buhari is sick of a country that has left itself naked as it is raped dry by vagabonds in power;

...Buhari is sick of a youth population without jobs;

...Buhari is sick of a country where university education has become comparable to 8th grade competence in advanced civilizations;

...Buhari is sick of a country where roads are death traps;

...Buhari is sick of a country where people go into political offices near poor, but turn stupendously wealthy overnight;

...Buhari is sick of a country where education is priced beyond the reach of the common masses;

...Buhari is sick of a country where $20 Billion (possibly $40 Billion) of public fund develops legs and walks away, its whereabouts knowingly unknown;

...Buhari is sick of watching the country he loves ranked at the bottom of corruption index by Transparency International

Buhari is sick of a country that earns billions of dollars in oil revenue, yet has not a single functional oil refinery;

...Buhari is sick of a country where government has bowed to the dictates of power generator cabals in a conspiracy that ensures perpetual darkness;

...Buhari is sick of a country where senators and congressmen earn more than the president of the United States of America;

...Buhari is sick of a country where soldiers are so demoralized to confront a ragtag Boko Haram terror sect;

...Buhari is sick of a country where convicted looters are pardoned and fast tracked for senate positions;

...Buhari is sick of a country where life expectancy is among the lowest in the world;

...Buhari is sick of a country that is on international news for all the wrong reasons;

So, yes, Buhari is sick; and so am I.

Question is why is Jonathan not sick as well? Why has Jonathan remained healthy in the face of all the above-listed filth and diseases? Question is why is not every Nigerian sick of all the social maladies and existential outbreaks? It is a time to be sick, my friends. Buhari is; I am. Are you?

Let's all get sick of where and how Nigeria is. Let's get real sick. And the sicker we are, the healthier we are going to be. Let's schedule a doctor's visit on February 14. Let's not forget our health insurance card (voter card) as we go for this February appointment. We need to feel better. But until February 14, let's feel sick...

...Real sick!..............VITUS OZOKE is resident in the US and a Proff.. @ Salisbury University.

Why James Couldn’t Walk On Water

All of his life James had heard stories of their amazing family tradition. It seemed that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 21st birthday. On that day, they would walk across the lake to the boat club for their first legal drink.

So when James turned 21, he and his friend Peter, were on their way to the boat club for his first legal drink. When they got to the middle of the lake, and James remembered the stories of their amazing family tradition, he stepped out of the boat and nearly drowned. Peter just managed to pull him to safety.

Furious and confused, James went to see his grandmother, and asked, "Grandma, today is my 21st birthday, yes? So why couldn't I walk across the lake like my father, his father, and his father before him, did?" His grandmother looked into his sad eyes, smiled knowingly and said, "Because your father, grandfather and great grandfather were born in January. You were born in July."

What In The World Are You Doing?

As a mother passed by her daughter's closed bedroom door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from within. When she opened the door, she was shocked to see her daughter giving herself a real workout with a vibrator. "What in the world are you doing?" The daughter replied, "Mom, I'm thirty-five years old, I can’t find a husband, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to having one. Please, go away and leave me alone."

The next day, the girl's father heard the same buzzing coming from her closed bedroom door. Upon entering the room, he was also shocked to see her daughter making passionate love to her vibrator. To his query as to what she was doing, the daughter responded, "Dad, I'm thirty-five years old, I can’t find a husband, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to having one. Please, go away and leave me alone."

A couple days later, when the wife came home from a shopping trip, and while placing the groceries on the kitchen counter, she heard that familiar buzzing noise coming from the family room. On entering, she saw her husband sitting on the couch, staring at the TV, the vibrator next to him on the couch, and buzzing like crazy. And when the wife asked, "What the hell are you doing?" The husband replied, "I'm watching the game with my son-in-law."

Who Is She Dating?

When the mother of an 18-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter may be having sex, she worried the girl may become pregnant and adversely impact the family's status. And on consultation with the family doctor, she was told, “Teenagers today, were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. Arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.”

As her daughter was preparing for a date a few evenings later, the woman sat her down, had a heart to heart discussion with her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms. The girl just burst out laughing, reached over to hug her mother and said, "Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Victoria!"

When A Cup Of Coffee Did It

When an elderly lady asked her doctor to help revive her husband’s sex drive, the doctor asked, “Why don’t you give him some Viagra?” The lady replied, “Oh no, he hates pills. He doesn't even take pain relievers for a headache.” The doctor then assured her, “That’s not a problem. Just crush up the pill and slip it into his coffee. He’ll never even know.”

And several days later, when the lady returned to the doctor, he asked, “Did my suggestion work?” In response, the lady exclaimed, “Oh, Doctor! It was horrible! I did just as you said and as soon as he finished his coffee, he jumped up from the table, ripped off my clothes and took me right there on the table. We made love for a whole hour!!”

Amazed but puzzled, the doctor asked, “And you call that horrible?” And the lady explained, “Oh, the sex was wonderful. But I can never show my face in that coffee shop again."

Why Proper Sex Education Is Important

The other day, a teenage girl who had just heard of one form of sex education, came home from school and asked her mother, "Mom, is it true what Tonia just told me? That, babies come out of the same place where boys put their penises?"

The mother like many mothers, now pleased that the subject had finally come up and that she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter again replied, "Yes it is dear!" But seeing the worry on her daughter’s face, she asked what the problem was. The daughter then asked, "But then, when I have a baby, won't it knock out my teeth?"

Thy Will Be Done

After dinner one night, the man of the house was sitting in the living room with his wife and children, when suddenly he said to them, “I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens to me, just go ahead and pull the plug.”

Immediately, the wife got up and unplugged the Computer, while one of the children threw out his wine.

When The Driver Isn’t The Chauffeur

In one of the Pope’s visits to America, he passionately pleaded with the Chauffeur to exchange places with him; during the ride between the airport and the city. “My son, it has always been my fantasy to drive a limousine. Do this for me, my son,” he said. The Chauffeur thought to himself, "Well, I can't say no to this guy, he's the pope." So the driver pulls over and they change places.

As soon as the Pope settled in the driver’s seat, he took off like a race car driver. With the accelerator almost all the way down, he drove down the highway, weaving and dodging cars. After a while the Chauffeur tapped on the window and told the Pope, "Please slow down a bit, you might get pulled over." And the Pope said, "Don't you worry about that, my son. I'm the Pope, remember?" So he rolled up the window and continued to drive very fast. After a few moments he got pulled over.

When the police officer walked up to the car and the Pope rolled down the tinted window, the officer nervously said, "Oh, I, ehhh, sorry, please hold on a minute." And the Pope said, "Sure, my son." The officer walked back to his car and radioed the station with, "Guys, I think I have just pulled over the most important personality." And the dispatch sarcastically asked, "Our President, the president of another country, an ambassador? Who is it?" The officer replied, “Well, I don't know, but the Pope is the Chauffeur." 

How Could He Have Known?

One evening, when a priest was walking down the street, he noticed a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. As hard as the little boy tried, he couldn’t reach the doorbell. After sympathetically watching the frustrated boy’s efforts for a while, the priest moved closer to the boy's position, placed his hand kindly on the little boy’s shoulder, leaned over and gave the doorbell a solid ring.

Now pleased with himself, the priest crouched down to the little boy’s level, smiled benevolently and asked, "And now what, my little man?" To which the boy replied, "Now we run, like hell."

What I've Learned, Over The Years

After a long and hard day at work, a wife had made dinner that night, of bread, jam and extremely burned biscuits. While her little girl waited to see if anyone noticed, her husband reached for his biscuit, smiled at his wife and asked their little girl how her day was at school. And when the wife apologized to her husband for burning the biscuits, he just smiled and said, "Honey, I love burned biscuits."

Later that night, when their little girl went to kiss her Daddy good night, she asked him if he really liked his biscuits burned. He wrapped her in his arms and said, "Your mother had put in a long hard day at work today and she was really tired. And besides, a burnt biscuit never hurt anyone but harsh words do. You know, life is full of imperfect things and imperfect people. I'm not the best. What I've learned over the years is that learning to accept each other’s faults and choosing to celebrate each other’s differences, is one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing and lasting relationship.”

Which Service?

One Sunday morning, the priest saw little Paul staring up at the large plaque that hung in the church's foyer. The plaque was covered with names and small American flags were mounted on either side of it.

Little Paul asked, "Father Joseph, what is this? Father Joseph replied, "Well, son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service." They stood together quietly, staring at the memorial plaque. Then little Paul asked, "Which service? Is it the 9:00 or the 10:30?"

What Do You Think?

One day, when a truck driver was driving along a sub-urban road, he saw a sign that read, 'Low Bridge overhead.' But he couldn’t stop early enough. So he got stuck under it. This caused a long pile up of traffic behind him.

A few moments later, an over-zealous police officer arrived at the scene and asked the truck driver, “You got stuck, yes?” And the driver replied, "No sir. I was delivering this bridge and I just ran out of petrol."

How They Get Back At You

It was another Christmas season, when grandparents love to have their grandchildren around. And grandchildren particularly love these seasons. So when a three-year-old grandson opened his Christmas gift from his grandmother, and discovered a water pistol, he squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink.

His mother was not so pleased. So she turned to her mother and said, "Mom, I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?" And her mother smiled and then replied, "I sure do remember, darling."

How To Tell Their Sexes

When a wife walked into her kitchen one afternoon, she was surprised to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. Curiously, she asked, "Honey, what are you doing?" And he responded, "Hunting Flies." So the wife asked, “Have you killed any, yet?" And the husband replied, “Sure! So far, I have gotten 2 females, and 3 males."

Now intrigued by her husband’s reply, she asked, "How on earth can you tell them apart?" And her husband smiled knowingly, and responded, "Simple, 2 were on the phone and 3 were in a beer bottle cap."

Being Old And Forgetful

When two elderly couples were enjoying a friendly conversation, one of the men asked the other, "James, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?" And James answered, "It was outstanding. They taught us all the latest psychological techniques. They taught us how to visualize and associate. It has really made a huge difference for me."

Impressed, his friend said, "That's great! What was the name of the clinic?" And James went blank. He thought and thought, but couldn't remember the name of the clinic. Then suddenly, he smiled and asked, "What do you call that red flower with the long stem and thorns?" His friend then asked, "Do you mean a rose?" And James responded, "Yes, that's it," then turned to his wife and asked, "Rose, what was the name of that clinic?"

The Misapplied Advice

Tired of his wife’s over assertiveness, a frustrated husband went to consult a Psychiatrist. And after listening to his tales of woes, the Psychiatrist told him, "You don't have to let your wife bully you. Go home and show her you're the boss." The husband gladly took the Psychiatrist’s advice, got home, slammed the door, shook his fist in his wife's face, and growled, "From now on, you shall take orders from me. Now, I want my supper right away. And when you have set it on the table, go upstairs and lay out my clothes.”

The husband continued, “Tonight, I am going out with the boys. And you are going to stay at home where you belong. Another thing, do you know who is going to tie my bow tie?" And his wife calmly replied, "I certainly do. The undertaker would."

A Doctor With Wrong Idea

When a well-endowed lady was asked to disrobe and climb onto the examining table during her annual checkup, she said shyly, "Doctor, I just can't undress in front of you." And the doctor said, "All right, I shall switch off the lights. When you have undress, let me know."

In a few moments, her voice rang out in the darkness, "Doctor, I've undressed. What shall I do with my clothes?" And the doctor responded, "Just put them on the chair, right on top of mine."

Why You Should Watch Where You Lean

After a night out with his date, a boy took her back to the front of her home, leaned with one hand on the wall and said to her, "Sweetie, I would love you to give me a blowjob." And the girl exclaimed, "What! You're crazy. No way. Someone, a relative or neighbour may see us." And the boy explained, "Not at this time of the night. No one will show up. Don't worry. It will be quick. There will be no problem."

And the girl insisted, "I've already said NO, and I say NO!" But when the boy persisted with, "Honey, don't be like that. It's just a small blowie, and I know you will like it too," the front door suddenly opened, and the younger sister said, "Dad said, either you have to blow him, I have to blow him, or he will come down and give the guy a blowjob himself; but for God's sake to tell your boyfriend to take his hand off the intercom!"

Uncanny Funeral Procession

Driving home one afternoon, John was amazed at the length of the funeral procession going down his way. He became very curious when he noticed that the procession consisted entirely of men, led by a man holding a huge fear-inspiring-looking dog.

So John walked up to the man at the front of the line and politely said, "Excuse me for interrupting you in your time of grief, but I've never seen such a funeral procession, in my life. Would you mind telling me who it's for?" T the mourner explained, "It's for my mother-in-law. My dog here killed her."

John then commiserated, "Oh, that's terrible. But please pardon me for asking at this time. Is there any way you could lend me your dog for a day or so?" And the bereaved son-in-law pointed his thumb over his shoulder and answered, "You have to get in line."

Sin No More

One afternoon during the last Christmas period, a man stopped by the local church and said to the Pastor, "Pastor, please pray for me. I stole a turkey earlier today.” Though impressed by the seeming repentance, the Pastor rebuked and told him, "That was a terrible thing to do." Remorsefully, the man said, "Yes Pastor, I now realize that. Do you want it?" The Pastor replied "No, go give it back to the man that you stole it from."

The man thought for a moment and said, "I tried to give it back, but he refused it." The Pastor then told him, "In that case, you can keep the turkey, but sin no more." The man thanked the Pastor and went away, happily. That evening, when the Pastor arrived home, he discovered that his turkey had been stolen.

Praising God Always

A parish Priest who was reputed for ending every sermon with, “Praise God. Always praise God in all situations,” arrived at the scene of multiple deaths, and watched in harrow, the nude bodies of a man and a woman in the bedroom. They had been shot to death. When the Priest and the earlier arrivals went to the living room, they found the body of a man with a gun at his side.

One parishioner said, "This may be double murder and a suicide. This guy may have come home and found his wife in bed with somebody else and shot them both. Then he shot himself." As if the Priest was reading the minds of his parishioners, he said, “Praise God.” Perplexed, an elder asked, “Why will you praise God in a situation such as this?” The Priest replied, "Yes, praise God. You see this guy here on the floor? If he had come home yesterday, that other guy would have been me."