An Uncanny Arrangement

I love peace, happiness, and envy happy marriages. So one day, I decided to pick the brains of a brother who seems to have a happy marriage and I asked, "What is the secret behind your happy marriage?" He smiled and said, "Over the years, we have learned to share all and every one of our responsibilities with due love and respect for each other. And we haven’t had any real problems with our arrangement. She never objects to my decisions and I never object to hers." I chewed over this for a very short while, thought it was too vague for my consumption, and asked for details.

Then he added, “In our home, I take decisions on bigger issues like whether America should attack Iran or North Korea, whether Britain should lift sanctions over Zimbabwe, whether Biafra should be formed or not, whether Sanchez should leave Arsenal or not, a-nd whom should Davido marry; while my wife decides on smaller issues like, which car we should buy, how much amount to save, when to visit the super market, when and where to go on vacation, which sofa, air conditioner, refrigerator to buy, how to manage our monthly expenses and whether to keep a maid or not.”

Her Fathom Rape Charge

A lady walked up to the Desk Sergeant in a Police Station and hysterically said, “I would like to file rape charges against my next door neighbour who has just raped me for two hours.” The Sergeant quizzically looked the lady over, scratched his head and said, “Rape is a very serious crime! But madam, the incident lasted for two hours; and besides, the guy is so skinny, you’re about twice his size. Why didn’t you put up any form of resistance?” And the lady responded, “I just didn’t want to take the law into my hands!”

Their Hypocrisy

Haven managed to survive various types of exterminations at different homes, a group of rats met, discussed and resolved to move into a church in their neighbourhood. And one day when one of them narrowly escaped being caught in a trap, it screamed, “Holy Moses! They also have traps here!!” And another retorted, “And they even call themselves Christians!!!”

Time, At Different Times

1.       Time is slow when you WAIT!

2.       Time is fast when you are LATE!

3.       Time is deadly when you are SAD!

4.       Time is short when you are HAPPY!

5.       Time is endless when you are in PAIN!

6.       Time is long when you feel BORED!

7.       And at every time, time is determined by your feelings and psychological conditions; and never by any clocks. So be determined at having a nice time ALWAYS!

Her Secret, For Her Well Being

When a lady was asked, “What do you use, that makes your complexion so beautiful, and your whole being so bright and attractive?” She smiled and responded, “All I use is Truth for my lips, Kindness for my voice, Compassion for my ears, Charity for my hands, Uprightness for my figure, Love for my heart, and Prayers and Forgiveness for all those who do not like me!”

Some Random Facts_14

1.       90% of Britons eat pizza at least once a week.

2.       The Statue of Liberty employs gum-cleaning staff who use specially designed "GumBuster" machines.

3.       A grasshopper becomes more sociable if you stroke its hind legs.

4.       In Sweden, IKEA is pronounced "ee-kay-uh" not "eye-kee-ah". The word is made up of the initials of the founder's name and the village he grew up in.

5.       During Germany's hyperinflation that peaked in 1923, a loaf of bread cost 428 billion marks and a kilo of butter would run you roughly 6 trillion.

6.       32% of journeys in Amsterdam are by bicycle, while in Copenhagen it's 35%.

7.       The Quandt family, one of the richest in Germany and the largest shareholder of BMW, took over scores of Jewish businesses and used tens of thousands of slave labourers at its factories during Adolf Hitler's Third Reich.

8.       U.S. television networks allow alcohol to be advertised as long as no one in the commercial is actually drinking it.

Some Random Quotes_4

1.       Destiny belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams, and the courage to pursue them.

2.       A pure heart is the greatest temple in the world.

3.       The best thing in life is finding someone who knows all your flaws, mistakes and weaknesses, and still thinks that you’re completely amazing.

4.       Don’t try to be someone else, that you may not miss the Creator’s one-of-a-kind purpose for you.

5.       I learned to give not because I have many, but because I know exactly how it feels, not to have nothing.

6.       Anger is only one letter short of danger.

7.       If someone betrays you once, shame on him; but If he betrays you twice, shame on you.

8.       While small minds discuss people, and average minds discuss events, great minds discuss ideas.

9.       While God gives every bird its food, He does not throw it into its nest.

10.   While he who loses money loses much, and he who loses a friend loses more, he who loses faith loses all.