No More Hard Feeling

When Johnson discovered that his wife was cheating on him with another man, he went to the man's wife and said, “I have discovered that your husband is having an affair with my wife.” And the other man’s wife said, “I know what we should do! Let's take revenge on them!!” So they both went to a motel and had their revenge. After about 10 minutes, she said, "Let's have more revenge!” And they had another round of revenge. But when after 5 times of repeated revenge with Johnson lying spent, and she said, "Let’s take revenge again!" Johnson calmly said, "let us just forgive them! I have no more Hard Feelings!!"

Do You Want A Wedding Or A Marriage?

 As the Chairman at a wedding reception and in line with my purpose, I told the audience a story of a friend who walked into my office a few weeks after his wedding to borrow N20,000.00, for their upkeep. His wedding had cost about N3 Million. And that set me thinking. A wedding is that one-day event, while a marriage is a life-time experience. Would you prefer a fantastic wedding and a marriage full of financial frustrations? On the other hand, would you prefer a moderately priced wedding and a marriage where there is enough money to spend after buying the necessary items?

As an African thinker, I figured that the poverty in our society is induced by our insistence on impressing other people. We fail to appreciate that most people don’t really care whether we exist or how we exist. And my generation should consider the following:

1.       At least 60% of attendees at Nigerian weddings are unknown to the couple. Most guests wouldn’t even recognize couples on the street after the wedding, because there is no connection beyond the food and drinks.

2.       Lower class and middle class weddings in Nigeria are largely financed by the entire savings of couples who must have worked for long hours with meager income for a period of three to five years and left to start their lives from scratch after this one-day event.

3.       Our weddings are conducted under the impression that guests would present cash and quality gifts to the couples, but at the end, couples get plastics and kitchen utensils as if their entire life would be spent in the kitchen.

             

4.       The society and family members can afford to sponsor the supply of drinks and food at weddings rather than sponsor business ideas that can sustain marriages of a couple for a lifetime.

5.       We can put an end to financial frustrations in marriages and domestic violence if the monies spent during weddings are diverted to help couples comfortably start their lives. Don’t let anyone put you under any pressure! Anyone who insists on an elaborate wedding should provide the funds.

6.       ‘Aso Ebi’ is not compulsory!(My mother and my family folks know that there is no mortal man living or dead, that can compel me to buy Aso Ebi) Bridal train is not by force! Groom’s men are not essential!

7.       The most important memory of any wedding is the picture of the smiling couple, which is placed on the wall of every home. This picture does not show the cost of renting the reception hall, the cost of foods and drinks. Neither does it show the price of the cake or cost of decoration or the rented Limousine.

8.       It is better to monetize gifts for couples, then leave them to decide what to do with it. A monetary gift after a wedding is more valuable than before the wedding.

9.       The society should demonstrate genuine love for couples.

10.   If you can afford it, please ‘turn it up’! Otherwise, don’t let anyone put you under pressure.

“Please feel free to share, for sharing is caring.”

The Humble Husband

During dinner last night, my wife said, “Honey, I demand good manners in bed, just like at the dinner table.” And I said, “No problem! You got it darling.” So at bedtime, I slowly and neatly climbed into bed and asked, “Darling, would you please pass me the pussy?”

The Frozen Chicken

A man was disgusted when his parrot swallowed a Viagra tablet, so he put him in the freezer to cool off. And when he later opened the freezer and brought him out, he noticed that the parrot was sweating. So he asked, “How come you are sweating?" And the parrot replied, “You have no idea how difficult it is, to open the legs of a frozen chicken!!”

Some Facts, About The Human Body _ Part Two

7.       Glow: Humans glow in the dark. It was revealed by ultra-sensitive cameras that our bodies emit tiny amounts of light that are too weak for the human eye to detect. Amazing pictures of "glittering" human bodies were released by Japanese scientists who have captured the first ever images of human "bioluminescence". Although it has been known for many years that all living creatures produce a small amount of light as a result of chemical reactions within their cells, this is the first time light produced by humans has been captured on camera. Strangely, the areas that produced the brightest light did not correspond with the brightest areas on thermal images of the volunteers' bodies.

8.       Stomach: The stomach produces a new lining every 3 days to avoid digesting itself with its own acids. There's one dangerous liquid no airport security can confiscate from you: It's in your gut. Your stomach cells secrete hydrochloric acid, a corrosive compound used to treat metals in the industrial world. It can pickle steel, but mucous lining the stomach wall keeps this poisonous liquid safely in the digestive system, breaking down your lunch but not your own stomach.

9.       Posture: Body position affects your memory. Can't remember your anniversary, hubby? Try getting down on one knee. Memories are highly embodied in our senses. A scent or sound may evoke a distant episode from one's childhood. The connections can be obvious (a bicycle bell makes you remember your old paper route) or inscrutable. A recent study helps decipher some of this embodiment. An article in the January 2007 issue of Cognition reports that episodes from your past are remembered faster and better while in a body position similar to the pose struck during the event.

10.   Brain: Big brains cause cramped mouths. Evolution isn't perfect. If it were, we might have wings instead of wisdom teeth. Sometimes useless features stick around in a species simply because they're not doing much harm. But wisdom teeth weren't always a cash crop for oral surgeons. Long ago, they served as a useful third set of meat-mashing molars. But as our brains grew our jawbone structure changed, leaving us with expensively overcrowded mouths.

11.   Hair: Blondes have more hair. They're said to have more fun, and they definitely have more hair. Hair color determines how dense the hair on your head is. The average human has 100,000 hair follicles, each of which is capable of producing 20 individual hairs during a person's lifetime. Blondes average 146,000 follicles while people with black hair tend to have about 110,000 follicles. Those with brown hair fit the average with 100,000 follicles and redheads have the least dense hair, with about 86,000 follicles.

12.   Flatulence: The average person expels flatulence 14 times each day. Even if you'd like to think you're too dignified to pass gas, the reality is that almost everyone will at least a few times a day. Digestion causes the body to release gases which can be painful if trapped in the abdomen and not released.

Some Facts, About The Human Body _ Part One

1.       Tongue: Every person has a unique tongue print, just like fingerprints. The tongue is a unique organ in that it can be stuck out of the mouth for inspection, and yet it is otherwise well protected in the mouth and is difficult to forge. The tongue also presents both geometric shape information and physiological texture information which are potentially useful in identity verification applications.

2.       Skin: White skin has evolved over time. It seems we were all black ones (consistent with evolutionary fact of first humans in Africa). White skin was a result of humans moving away from the equator. Also all skin, without coloring, would appear creamy white. Near-surface blood vessels add a blush of red. A yellow pigment also tints the canvas. Lastly, sepia-toned melanin, created in response to ultraviolet rays, appears black in large amounts. These four hues mix in different proportions to create the skin colors of all the peoples of Earth.

3.       Orgasm: Having orgasms prevent men from prostate cancer. Two large studies, reported in 2003 and 2004, found that middle-aged men who had (or at least remember having) at least four orgasms a week throughout their 20s, 30s and 40s had a reduced risk of prostate cancer by as much as one-third. Some researchers speculate that ejaculations may clear the prostate of carcinogens.

4.       Foot: The foot is home to the body's thickest area of skin. The skin on the palms and the soles of the feet are 4 mm thick and the thickest skin in the body, the heel portions of the feet being the thickest portions. It's also got the most sweat glands than in any other area.

5.       Appendix: The Appendix isn't as useless as you think. Long denigrated as vestigial or useless, the appendix actually has a reason to be – as a “safe house” for the beneficial bacteria living in the human gut. The beneficial bacteria in the appendix that aid digestion can ride out a bout of diarrhea that completely evacuates the intestines and emerge afterwards to repopulate the gut.

6.       Height: The body is taller in the morning than in the evening. The body is taller in the morning than in the evening. You might want to schedule that basketball game for first thing in the morning. That's because our bodies are on average about half an inch taller in the morning, thanks to excess fluid between our discs, which is replenished while we sleep. As the day goes on, and our bodies undergo the strain of standing, the discs get compressed and the fluid seeps out, so the body loses that small bit of extra height.

Some Facts, About Dolphins

1.       Dolphins Recognize and Admire Themselves in Mirrors.

2.       Dolphins give each other names and will answer to it even when called by dolphins they don't know.

3.       Dolphins have the longest memory in the animal kingdom.

4.       The U.S. Navy has 75 trained dolphins to detect enemy swimmers and underwater mines.

5.       The average lifespan of a dolphin is 15 years. However, some of them lived 50 years.

6.       Dolphins sleep with one eye open.

7.       Only one-half of a dolphin's brain goes to sleep at a time.

8.       Dolphins can communicate with one another over a telephone, and appear to know who they are talking to.

9.       Dolphins and whales give birth with the tail first instead of the head.

10.   Male dolphins are called "bulls", and females "cows."