Three Igbos On A Train

Three Igbo men and three Yoruba men were traveling by train on a business trip. At the station, the three Yoruba men bought a ticket each, and watched as the three Igbo men bought only a single ticket. When one Yoruba man asked, "How are three of you going to travel on only one ticket?" One Igbo man replied, "You just watch and you'll see." After they all boarded the train, the Yoruba men took their respective seats but all the three Igbo men crammed into a bathroom and closed the door behind them. Shortly after the train had departed, the conductor came around collecting tickets. He knocked on the bathroom door and said, "Ticket, please." The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand. The conductor took it and moved on.

The Yoruba men saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the trip, the Yoruba men decided to copy the Igbo men on their return trip and save some money. When they got to the station, they bought a single ticket for their return trip. To their astonishment, the Igbo men didn’t buy any ticket at all. And when one perplexed Yoruba man asked, "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" One Igbo man responded, “You just watch and you'll see." After they boarded the train, the three Yoruba men crammed into a bathroom and the three Igbo men also crammed into another one nearby. Shortly after the train had departed, one of the Igbo men left their bathroom, walked over to the bathroom where the Yoruba men were hiding, knocked on the door and said, "Ticket, please."

Avoid Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

Why Should You Earn More?

When a mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from the motor of a Honda motorcycle, and a well-known cardiologist walked into his shop, the mechanic shouted across the garage, “Hey, Doc, want to take a look at this?” The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle.

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, “So Doc, look at this engine. I open up it’s heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I make $39,675 a year and you get the really big bucks ($1,695,759) when you and I are doing basically the same work?” The cardiologist paused, smiled, then leaned over and whispered to the mechanic, “Try doing it with the engine running.”

What They Fail To Appreciate

Every time I see ladies wearing clothes that reveal their body parts, I feel saddened. Though some may wish to call it fashion, I wish to humbly call it, “The lack of appreciation of one of God’s near-perfect creation.” And don’t bother to ask, “Which one of the Gods?” That should be a topic for another day; to enable us address this insanity called, “Fashion.”

Why is it so difficult for some ladies to appreciate that, most precious creations are well covered and protected? Take Diamonds for instance, they are covered in the ground. Pearls are at the bottom of the ocean, covered and protected in shells. Gold is covered with layers of rocks and to get them, you will have to work hard and dig deep. To get these precious creations, only reputable miners, with the requisite machinery and ability to conduct years of extensive exploration, are contracted.

And since some ladies have failed to appreciate that their precious, unique and sacred bodies, which are by far more precious than Gold, Diamonds and Pearls, are uncovered and unprotected, they will always attract a lot of illegal and unqualified miners to come, dig and mine them with their crude instruments, then leave them physically, mentally and spiritually destroyed.

Some Spider Facts

1.       Spiders can walk on water, and breathe under it, too.

2.       Spiders eat their own webs to recycle them.

3.       In western Iran, there's a viper with a fake spider for a tail.

4.       95% of the spiders in your house have never been outside.

5.       The chances of us eating even one spider in our sleep throughout our lifetime, is close to 0%.

6.       Spider silk is about 5 times stronger than steel of the same weight.

7.       Spiders can survive for hours underwater by entering a self-induced coma.

8.       Research shows that if you're afraid of spiders, you're more likely to find one in your bedroom.

9.       Spiders are scared of ants due to the formic acid they contain.

10.   The last time somebody died from a spider bite in Australia was in 1981.

11.   Spiders don't have penises. They mate with the appendages on their faces.

Now you know.

I Had A Dream

In my dream, I ha job as the Special Adviser on governance, in the last government. One day during one of my press briefings, a reporter asked, “Why don’t you change the government’s emblem to a CONDOM?” Though shocked, embarrassed and agitated, I politely and calmly asked, “Why on earth, would you make such a suggestion?”

And without mincing words, the reporter responded, “Because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance. A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks and assholes, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed.” 

Be Careful What You Wish For

A civil servant sat in his office, and out of boredom, decided to see what was inside an old filing cabinet. As he poked through the contents, he came across an old brass lamp. Fascinatedly, he said to himself, "This will look good on my mantel." So he took it home with him. And while polishing the lamp, a genie appeared and, as usual, granted him three wishes.

Without hesitation, the man said, "I would like an ice-cold Beer right now." He got the Beer and drank it. Now that he could think more clearly, he asked for his second wish. "I wish to be on an island with beautiful women, who will find me irresistible." Suddenly, he was on an island with gorgeous women eyeing him lustfully. For his third wish, he told the genie, "I wish I will never have to work again." And instantly, he was back in his office.