How He Had His Great Weekend

One Friday evening, an older white haired man with a beautiful young girl at his side walked into a jewellery store and said to the jeweller, “I’m looking for a special ring for my girlfriend.” The jeweller looked through his stock and brought out a £5,000 ring and showed it to him. The old man said, "l don't think you understand, l want something very special!'' At that statement, the jeweller went to his special stock and brought out another ring. "Here's a stunning ring at only £40,000,'' the jeweller said. The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, ''We'll take it.''

The jeweller asked how payment would be made and the old man responded, “By cheque. l know you need to make sure my cheque is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds, and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon.” On Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweller phoned the old man and said, ''There's no money in that account!!'' The old man replied, ''Yes, I know! But I had a great weekend l had!!''

Need To See Equipment

On their wedding night, an Aeronautic Engineer romantically asked his wife, “Darling, shall I take you to the Moon first or Jupiter first?" And the wife replied, “Let me see the Rocket first!”

Uncanny Substitutes

Pedro was appointed as sales person at a local store in Panjim. And while on one of his shifts, a lady approached him and asked, “Do you have Peach Jam?” And Pedro bluntly replied, "Out of stock.” On hearing this, the lady immediately turned and left the shop in disgruntlement. And the shopkeeper who had been looking on, called Pedro aside and told him, "When a customer asks for a product that is out of stock, you apologize for its unavailability, and then offer other types of the same product. For instance in this case it was peach jam; offer other types of jam like pineapple jam, guava, apricot jam and so on."

Shortly afterwards, another lady came in and asked, “Do you have Toilet Paper?” And Pedro politely replied, “I am sorry ma'am, we do not have any toilet paper right now! But you could try some Carbon Paper or Sand Paper!!”

Some Random Facts_14

1.       The first female governor of a U.S. state was elected in 1924.

2.       Generally considered to be the world's first novel, The Tale of Genji was written in Japan around AD 1000 by Murasaki Shikibu.

3.       During his first month in office, Donald Trump spent an estimated 18 hours on tweets.

4.       International Men's Day is celebrated every 19 November, focusing on men's and boys' health, promoting gender equality, and highlighting male role models.

5.       OJ Simpson's father was a well-known drag queen and died of AIDS in 1986.

6.       500 people are declared dead in the US every month due to clerical errors.

7.       Bill Gates was so addicted to Minesweeper, he used to sneak into a colleague's office after work to play.

8.       There are almost 4,000 sushi restaurants across the U.S., which brings in over $2 billion every year.

9.       Netflix has more U.S. subscribers than Cable TV.

10.   In the United States, which contains 8 per cent of the world's forests, there are more trees than there were 100 years ago.

11.   The amount of electricity running the Bitcoin Network could power 1.3 million homes.

12.   Money left on unused London Transport's Oyster cards is increasing by £1 million a month and now stands at more than £235 million.

13.   There are five debt-free countries in the world: Macau, the British Virgin Islands, Brunei, Liechtenstein and Pala.

14.   In 2013, white was the world's most popular car colour.

15.   Pink Floyd, the iconic rock band, was originally called Screaming Abdabs.

16.   Elizabeth Taylor arrived late for her own funeral. The film star left instructions requesting that her coffin should arrive 15 minutes late.

Our Journey Together Is So Short.

While a young lady was travelling in a bus, a loud and grumpy old lady came on at the next stop and sat by her, squeezing into the seat and bumping her with her numerous bags. And when the person sitting on the other side of the young lady got upset and asked her why she did not speak up and say something. The young lady responded with a smile, “It is not necessary to be rude or argue over something so insignificant! The journey together is so short!! I get off at the next stop!!!"

If we all realize that our time here together is so short, and that to darken it with quarrels, futile arguments, not forgiving others, discontentment and a fault finding attitude would be a waste of time and energy; we would be happier. Did someone break your heart? Be calm, the journey is so short. Did someone betray, bully, cheat or humiliate you? Be calm, forgive, the journey is so short.

Whatever troubles anyone brings upon us, let us remember that our journey together is so short.

No one knows the duration of this journey. No one knows when their stop will come. Our journey together is so short. Let us cherish friends and family. Let us be respectful, kind and forgiving to each other. Let us be filled with gratitude and gladness. If I have ever hurt you, I ask for your forgiveness. If you have ever hurt me, you already have my forgiveness. Smile, laugh, dance, play, relax, joke and stop reading seriousness in everything, let go of anger. Failure to do so only hurts you. The other person is moving on with life while you hold grudges. To forgive another also heals you and helps you to let go. After all, our journey together is so short!

Why We Have To Protest

The other day while enjoying my usual solitary laying-around Saturday and a friend dropped by unannounced, I looked at him quizzically and then I said, “Hey, this one that you have just appeared without notice, I hope all is well.” He just laughed and asked, “All is well! But haven’t you heard?”

I immediately sat up and asked, “Heard what?” And calmly, he said, “With all these, recent jump off the bridge and depression syndromes, it is now mandatory to check up on your friends and family regularly.” Without waiting for my response, he continued, “And what is the matter with you? For how much longer are you going to be companionless?”

I just couldn’t help but laughed so hard, my remaining ribs missed their brother rib. Then I said, “It isn’t fair! Why should Adam wake up to find his missing rib standing beside him for free, while I have to look everywhere for mine praying and fasting, calling messaging and convincing her, taking her to Tantalizers and with gifts, taking her to the pastor; and even being required to take her to her village and spend my life savings. All this for my own rib that got missing, and which I didn't even loose out of my carelessness. It was taken from me without my consent, remember? This is totally unfair, and we have to protest. All missing ribs must be returned for free!”

The Meaning Of Telephone And Some Better Phone Language

Etymologically, the word telephone comes from Latin and Greek. While Tele in Latin means 'distance' and phone in Greek means 'sound' so the compound word becomes 'distance sound' TELEPHONE.

And some better phone language.

1.       Don’t say, “Where is my hand set?” = Say, “Where is my mobile phone or cell phone?”

2.       Don’t say, “I saw your missed call.” = Say, “I missed your call.”

3.       Don’t say, “Your voice is cracking.” = Say, “The line is breaking.”

4.       Don’t say, “Flash me.” = Say, “Give me a drop-call, beep me or give me a beep.”

5.       Don’t say, “I am hearing you.” = Say, “I can hear you.”

6.       Don’t say, “Come again.” = Say, “I can't hear you.”

The Origin Of The Word, Fuck

During the dark ages in ancient England, people could not have sex without consent from the King. And after getting the consent, they would be required to hang a sign on their door that read, "Fornication Under Consent of the King." Otherwise known as, “FUCK.”

The Uncanny Interview

When a reporter approached a man and said, "Excuse me! May I interview you?" The man replied, “Oh, yes!” And the reporter asked, “Name?” The man replied, “Saskamdul.” Then the reporter asked, “Sex?” The man replied, “Three to five times a week.” But the reporter said, “Oh, no! I mean male or female.” Then the man said, “Yes, male, female and sometimes camel.” The reporter exclaimed, “Holy cow!” The man then said, “Yes, cow, sheep, animals in general.” Then the reporter asked, “But isn't that hostile?” And the man responded, “Yes, horse style, dog style, any style.” Again the reporter exclaimed, “Oh dear!” And the man said, “No, no deer! Deer run too fast, and hard to catch!!”

Some Fact File

Do you know that the word “News,” simply means, "Notable Events, Weather and Sports?"

Some Random Quotes_1

1.       Impossible is not a fact, it’s an opinion. Impossible is not a declaration. Impossible is potential. Impossible is temporary. Impossible is nothing.

2.       The man who has made up his mind to win will never say, “Impossible.”

3.       Don’t count the days, make the days count.

4.       Do not, for one repulse, give up the purpose that you have resolved.

5.       The difference between winning and losing is most often, not quitting.

6.       Beauty is all around, if you just open your heart to see.

7.       If you are not brave enough, no one will back you up.

8.       It’s not who you are underneath, but you do that defines you.

9.       Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of overcoming it.

10.   People cry not because they are weak, but because they have been strong for too long.

Her Boobs Are So Big She Can Only Fasten Eight

When the teacher said, “I want someone to use fascinate in a sentence.” Bimpe stood up and said, “The zoo was fascinating.” But the teacher said, “Sorry, Bimpe! I said to use fascinate in a sentence.” Then Angela said, “I was fascinated at the zoo.” Once again the teacher said, "No, Angela! I specifically said to use fascinate in a sentence.” And Thomas said, “My sister has ten buttons on her sweater.” Again the teacher said, “Sorry, Thomas! I said use fascinate in a sentence.” Thomas then concluded, “I know, but her boobs are so big she can only fasten eight.”

Some Random Facts_13

1.       The British pound is the world's oldest currency still in use. It's 1200 years old.

2.       The Persian famine of 1917 and 1918 caused deaths by starvation, and cholera, of 4 to 10 million people in Iran.

3.       During the Great Depression, the U.S. deported around 1 million Mexicans. An estimated 60% of them were U.S. citizens.

4.       During WW2, an Italian doctor prevented Nazis from taking Jewish patients by claiming they suffered the fictitious 'K Syndrome'. He saved 45 lives.

5.       In 1956, the U.S. exploded atomic bombs near a few beers to see if they are safe to drink. They are indeed.

6.       Stephen D Unwin, a PhD in theoretical physics, wrote a book where he calculated the probability that God exists: 67%.

7.       In 1988, a man named Robert W. Faid published a book mathematically "proving" that the Antichrist was Mikhail Gorbachev, with odds of exactly 710,609,175,188,282,000 to 1. He later won an Ig Nobel prize for it.

8.       Rock star Ozzy Osbourne once joined a Christian protest march against himself outside of one of his concerts.

Don't Change The Subject!

A bank robber pulled out his gun, pointed it at the teller and said, “Give me all the money or you're geography!” But when the puzzled teller asked, “Did you mean to say 'or you're history?'” The robber snapped, “Don't change the subject!”

The Biggest Lie

While two students were arguing, their teacher entered the classroom and asked, “Why are you arguing?” One of the students replied, “We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie.” The teacher looked sternly at both of them and said, “You should be ashamed of yourselves! When I was your age I didn’t even know what a lie was!!” The students immediately gave the ten dollars to the teacher.

Some Food For Thought

1.       You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity, by legislating the wealthy out of prosperity.

2.       What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving.

3.       The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else.

4.       You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it!

5.       When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that is the beginning of the end of any nation.

Some Random Facts_10

1.       Lions cuddle to build and maintain relationships with one another.

2.       A study published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin found that, while men were attracted to nice-seeming women upon meeting them, women did not feel the same way about nice men.

3.       In 1956, a scientist imported African honeybees to South America. Some of them escaped and bred with European honeybees in the wild, giving rise to a hybrid species: killer bees.

4.       Only about 4% of people seeking treatment for spider bites actually have confirmed spider bites, a U.S. study found.

5.       The temperatures near the site of the bomb blast during the Hiroshima explosion were estimated to be 300,000°Celsius (540,000°Fahrenheit). That's 300 times hotter than the temperature bodies are cremated at.

6.       Roman emperor Hadrian, in 117 AD, declared attempted suicide by soldiers a form of desertion and made it a capital offense.

7.       Temperatures in the Namib Desert can reach as high as 60°C during the day and below 0°C at night.

8.       There are more stars in the universe than words ever uttered by all the humans who ever lived.

The One Request

Early one morning, when God was awakened by the fervent prayers of a Nigerian who had no wife, no child, no money and no house, God was moved and said, “Very well my son! I shall grant you one, and only one request!! So make your request!!!” And the Nigerian said, "Thank You God! I want my blind mother to see my wife putting diamond bangles on my daughter's hand inside my car parked in front of my mansion." When God heard his request, He murmured to Himself, "I sure still have a lot to learn from these Nigerians!”

Some Random Quotes

1.       An ideal is the most precious yearning in life.

2.       Anyone who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life.

3.       It’s better for you to be stingy with the money you have worked for, than for a woman to deny you a hole that she didn’t even drill herself.

4.       Faith is like a small lamp in a dark forest. It does not show everything at once but it gives enough light for the next step to be safe.

5.       It is lack of faith that makes people afraid of meeting challenges, so believed in yourself.

6.       Friendship is not something you learn in school. But if you haven’t learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven’t learned anything.

7.       I am in no competition with no one. I have no desire to play the game of being better than anyone. I am simply trying to be better than who I was yesterday.

8.       You don’t have to be what other people want you to be, you are free and have the right to be what you want.

9.       Anyone who views the world the same way at 50 as at 20 has wasted 30 years of a life time.

10.   Service to others is the rent you pay for your room here on earth.

11.   It isn’t the mountains ahead to climb that wear you out, it’s the pebble in your shoe.

12.   If penicillin can be made out of mouldy bread, something great can surely be made out of you.

13.   Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small people, who find it easier to live in the world they’ve been given than to explore the powers they have to change it.

14.   If your mind can conceive it, and your heart can believe it, then you can achieve it.

15.   Life is like a book with every day as a new page, and every month as a new chapter.

16.   Life is the most difficult exam. Many people fail because they try to copy others, not realizing that everyone has a different question paper.

17.   It’s not bragging, if you can back it up.

18.   If you won’t invite a thief into your house, why would you allow thoughts that steal your joy to make themselves a home in your mind?

19.   Someday, everything will make perfect sense. So for now, laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears, and keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a reason.

20.   Be the reason someone smiles today.

Keep Your Smartness In The Office

When a wife asked her husband to give her the newspaper, the husband started, “How backward you are? Technology has developed so much and you are still asking for the newspaper? Take my iPad!” The wife took the iPad and killed the Cockroach!! And the husband faints!!!

Some Simple Rules For A Happy Life

To have a happy life, you must appreciate that everything don’t have to be perfect; and decide to see beyond any of the imperfections and always live by the following simple rules.

1.       Free your heart from hatred and learn to forgive easily.

2.       Appreciate and respect other people’s individuality. (If you are not and can’t be like them, why should you insist they be like you?)

3.       Free your mind from all worries, because most of the things that your worry about, may never happen.

4.       Live simply, be appreciative, be thankful for what you have got and be content.

5.       Give more and expect less from people.

6.       Live within your genuine and honest means, laugh often and Love with all of your heart.

7.       Have a woman who helps at home, cooks good meals from time to time, cleans up, and has a job.

8.       Have a woman who can make you laugh.

9.       Have a woman who you can trust, and doesn't cheat and or lie to you.

10.   Have a woman who is good in bed, and likes to be with you.

11.   And it's very, very important that the above four women do not know or meet each other.

Happy Sunday

Happy morning to you and yours, and welcome to another beautiful, healthful and love-filled Sunday. How was your night and dreams? And what are your plans for today? Have a blessed day.

New Random Facts

1.       60% of the construction done at Machu Picchu was underground.

2.       The word ‘ushers' contains five pronouns: us, she, he, her and hers.

3.       Squids squirt water out fast enough to propel themselves through the air at up to 11.2 metres per second, faster than Usain Bolt's top speed of 10.31 metres per second.

4.       Black Sabbath, the heavy metal band, was originally called Polka Tulk Blues Band.

5.       Brazilian footballer Carlos Kaiser staged his whole career for 24 years: he could barely kick a ball. In the first training session with every new team, the con man usually suffered a "muscle injury" that would keep him out for an indefinite period.

6.       Disneyland serves 2.8 million churros every year.

7.       Haiti was demanded compensation from France shortly after gaining independence for its loss of men and slave colony.

Some Things That I Have Learned

I have learned that,

1.       Smiles can and do solve problems.

2.       Silence can and do avoid problems.

3.       Sugar and salt may be mixed together but ants reject the salt and carry away only the sugar.

4.       Selecting the right people in life can make your life better and sweeter.

5.       If you fail to achieve your dreams, change your ways not your God; because trees change their leaves and not their roots.

6.       You will never reach your destination, if you stop and throw stones at every dog that barks at you.

7.       Haters will see you walking on water and say it’s because you can't swim.

8.       Even if you dance on water, your enemies will accuse you of raising dust.

9.       Never wrestle with a pig, because you’ll both get dirty; but the pig will enjoy it.

10.   And I have learned to make it my ambition to live a quiet life, mind my own business and work with my own hands.