Our Religious Intolerance

Recently, I have been more worried by the fact that despite our self-acclaimed high level of education, intelligence and foreign religiosity, we have continued to have an increased level of religious intolerance. What is really wrong with those religions? What is really wrong with us? So, I continued to muse as usual. And that, I am quite sure is within my natural and fundamental human right to do. Suddenly, it hit me. Our problem has all along been due to our IGNORANCE and GULLIBILITY, in accepting and aping these foreign religions which we know nothing about. And neither do the originators of these foreign religions; what with their incomplete stories of creation and the birth and life of Jesus Christ.

While the world is estimated to be about 4.5 Billion years, and our foreign religions of Christianity and Islam are about 2000 years old and less respectively, it will be safe to say that all our traditional religions of the various tribes of the world that have existed from the beginning of creation, are older. And while there is an appreciative tolerance amongst our various traditional religions, one can’t say so for our above foreign religions. And the more I muse, the more I wonder, “Are our traditional Gods, angry?” I just can’t help but think so, considering that the more churches and mosques we build, and claim to be more religious than the originators of those religions, the more immoral, dishonest and intolerant we have become.

Heard Of Birth Control?

While a lady volunteer was driving a van full of 7 to 10 year olds to a field trip, she was clearly distracted and cruised right through a stop sign. And when an exasperated crossing guard ran towards the van and screamed, “Don’t you know how to stop?” The lady stopped her van, looked the crossing guard straight in the eye and asked clearly upset, “What makes you think they are all mine?”

The Handyman Husband

A husband screamed from their bedroom, “Honey! You MUST check this out!” And the wife hollered back from the kitchen, “What is it?” Then the husband said, “You’re not going to believe what I found when I was drilling a hole through the wall! I found a secret stash of bottles!” Just then, they heard their daughter’s voice hollering from the bathroom, “I’m trying to brush my teeth in here! Who the hell is drilling a hole through the medicine cabinet!?”

The Landlord

One early Sunday morning when a man rang my door bell and I opened the door, he said tearfully, “Sir you have got to help! There is a family that I know very well that is in desperate need of money. The father has been out of a job for over a year, and they have five kids at home with barely a bit of food to eat. The worst part is that they are about to be kicked out of the house and they will be left on the streets without a roof over their heads!” The man concluded with one last heart wrenching sob.

So I said, “Well, that really is a sad story. Why don’t you come inside and we’ll talk about it a little more.” We then got inside. And while we were both seated, I asked, “So how much money is needed exactly?” And the man replied, “Oh it’s really terrible. Just for the rent, $3000 is needed by tomorrow otherwise they’ll be kicked out onto the streets.” I then asked him, “How do you know so much about this situation?” as I reached for my cheque book. And the man breaking down once more responded, “Well, they are my tenants.”

Be Grateful In Every Situation

There is a Chinese story of an old farmer who had an old horse for tilling his fields. One day the horse escaped into the hills, and when the farmer's neighbours sympathized with the old man over his bad luck, the farmer replied, “Bad luck, good luck, who knows?” And when a week later the horse returned with a herd of wild horses from the hills, and his neighbours congratulated him on his good luck, he replied, “Good luck, bad luck, who knows?'

Then, when the farmer's son attempted to tame one of the wild horses, he fell off its back and broke his leg. Everyone thought this was a very bad luck. Not the farmer, whose only reaction was, “Bad luck, good luck, who knows?” Some weeks later the army marched into the village and conscripted every able-bodied youth they found there. When they saw the farmer's son with his broken leg they let him off. Now, was that Good luck or bad luck? Who knows? “Whatever happens to us may be for our own good; though it may not seem so at the time.”

Irreconcilable Behaviour

When a man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard, the traffic light suddenly turned to yellow just in front of him. He did the right thing and stopped, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection. The tailgating woman hit the roof and the horn, screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection. As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer who ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, finger printed, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.

After several hours, a policeman opened the cell door, and escorted her back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects. He said, “I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you and cussing a blue streak at him. Then I noticed the ‘Choose Life’ license plate, the ‘What Would Jesus Do?’ bumper sticker, the ‘Follow Me to Sunday-School’ bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk. Naturally, I assumed you had stolen the car.”

Working In Our Favour

When one wealthy man walked into a bar in Miami and noticed an African woman (black) sitting in one corner, he went to the counter, brought out his wallet and with a loud voice said, "Bartender! I am buying drinks for everyone in this bar except that black woman over there!" The bartender collected the money and began serving free drinks to everyone in the bar, except the African woman. Instead of becoming upset, the black woman simply looked up at the guy and with an equally loud voice said, "Thank you!" Her action obviously infuriated the wealthy guy.

So, he again brought out his wallet and with a louder voice said, "Waiter! This time I am buying bottles of wine and additional food for everyone in this bar, except for that African sitting in the corner over there!" The bartender collected the money from the man and began serving free food and wine to everyone in the bar except the African woman. When the waiter had finished serving the food and drinks, the African woman simply smiled at the man again and with an equally loud voice said, “Thank you!"

And that really made the wealthy guy furious. So he leaned over the counter and asked the bartender, "What is wrong with that black woman? I have bought food and drinks for everyone in this bar except for her, and instead of becoming angry, she just sits there, smiles at me and says, Thank you. Is she mad?" The bartender smiled at the wealthy man and said, "No sir! She is not mad. She is the OWNER of this establishment."

“May our enemies work unknowingly, in our favour.”

Do It Now

Father was a hardworking man who delivered bread for a living to support his wife and three children. He spent all his evenings after work attending classes, hoping to improve himself so that he could one day find a better paying job. Except for Sundays, Father hardly ate a meal together with his family. He worked and studied very hard because he wanted to provide his family with the best money could buy. Whenever the family complained that he was not spending enough time with them, he reasoned that he was doing all this for them. But he often yearned to spend more time with his family.

The day came when the examination results were announced. To his joy, Father passed, and with distinctions too! Soon after, he was offered a good job as a senior supervisor which paid handsomely. Like a dream come true, Father could now afford to provide his family with life's little luxuries like nice clothing, fine food and vacation abroad. However, the family still did not get to see father for most of the week. He continued to work very hard, hoping to be promoted to the position of manager. In fact, to make himself a worthily candidate for the promotion, he enrolled for another course in the Open University.

Again, whenever the family complained that he was not spending enough time with them, he reasoned that he was doing all this for them. But he often yearned to spend more time with his family. Father's hard work paid off and he was promoted. Jubilantly, he decided to hire a maid to relieve his wife from her domestic tasks. He also felt that their three-room flat was no longer big enough it would be nice for his family to be able to enjoy the facilities and comfort of a condominium. Having experienced the rewards of his hard work many times before, Father resolved to further his studies and work at being promoted again. The family still did not get to see much of him. In fact, sometimes Father had to work on Sundays entertaining clients.

Again, whenever the family complained that he was not spending enough time with them, he reasoned that he was doing all this for them. But he often yearned to spend more time with his family. As expected, Father's hard work paid off again and he bought a beautiful condominium overlooking the coast of Singapore. On the first Sunday evening at their new home, Father declared to his family that he decided not to take anymore courses or pursue any more promotions. From then on he was going to devote more time to his family. Father did not wake up the next day. So stop procrastinating. Do those important things NOW because NOW is the only certainty.

Using Your Belief System

When you take advantage of your belief system, you start knowing that failure doesn’t exist. You will appreciate that there are only learning experiences. Once you submerge yourself into a culture that does not see failure, but only experiences and results, you take away an enormous chunk of negative energy out of your life.

For example, you may come up with many different ideas for solving any problem. But sometimes, these ideas do not provide the results you expected. Instead of saying, “I have failed, you should tell yourself, I guess I have learned something new. I have learned that this idea does not work. I'll have to try another of my ideas.” If you want to achieve highly successful outcomes, you need to alter your view of failures into something constructive that keeps you going until you get the results you desired.

Your Ship

Your SHIP was designed and built to take you places. So, if your friendSHIP, partnerSHIP, companionSHIP or relationSHIP isn’t taking you anywhere, abandon the SHIP. You were not created to be unhappy. So, never stay in any abusive relationSHIP for ANY REASON whatsoever. It will not only dehumanize you, it will block your full potential from flowering.

More On How To Keep Your Man

Rather than blame it on some old ladies in your villages, your neighbours or friends for the men you have lost, you should play by some simple rules of how to keep your man. While it is true that many men naturally love to have more than one woman in their lives, any man who does and hides it from you intends to keep you and doesn’t want to lose you in particular. But if you go probing too much, he might be out the door sooner than you know it. Do not let the other woman be your worry. You should rather work on making him yours and the other woman will lose or you will lose him to her.

Be patient with him and be reasonable in your demands. While it may be true that your demands are relevant, you may have picked a man who could ill-afford you. So, communicate that you may know your man and his worth. No man wants to live with an antagonist. Let him make the decisions and learn to discuss his decisions. Be loyal to your man, for loyalty begets loyalty. Give him space, if he is the type who needs space to operate efficiently. Above all, learn the art of appreciating criticism. And never ever decide on how you should be criticized.

Are You A Career Woman Or A Housewife?

Once upon a time, a woman was asked, “Are you a career woman or a housewife?” She smiled and calmly replied, “Yes, I am a full-time working housewife. I work 24 hours a day. I'm a Mum. I'm a Wife. I'm a Daughter. I'm a Daughter-in-law. I'm an Alarm clock. I'm a Cook. I'm a Maid. I'm a Teacher. I'm a Waiter. I'm a Nanny. I'm a Nurse. I'm a Handyman. I'm a Security officer. I'm a Counselor. I'm a Comforter. I don't get holidays. I don't get sick leave. I don't get day off. I work through day and night. I'm on call all hours and get paid with a sentence, What Do u Do All Day?” Now you see who we have always taken for granted?

A woman has the most unique character. Like salt, her presence is never remembered but her absence makes all the things tasteless. When she is quiet, millions of things are running in her mind. When she stares at you, she is wondering why she loves you so much in spite of being taken for granted. And when she says I will stand by you, she will stand by you like a rock. Never hurt her or take her for granted again.

How To Keep Your Man

Be proud of your man, love it and live it. There’s no man on earth who wouldn’t appreciate someone who is proud of him even for the little that he has. Being proud of your man and boasting about him makes him love you more. You’re not shy to go anywhere with him, you stand by him in all disgrace and support in difficult times makes him go bananas for you and if you’re a woman who has this quality, you’re bent on always keeping a good man. Most women love to nag but too much of it can scare a man away. Some women can go to the extent of even following the man to his work place and nag him till he loses his mind. Women who nag can’t keep a man for long.

If you’re the type of woman who’s very faithful to your man, he becomes proud of you because you make him feel he’s the world to you. Many women actually think being faithful is when you don’t allow any other man to have sex with you that is it. Being faithful goes far beyond that to a man. Being faithful involves a lot and women need to check it to know when they are being faithful and when they are not. Having too many male friends and being too casual with them can mean being unfaithful to men. Pray for your man. Which man wouldn’t want this? Not even an atheist. It is important to pray for your man all the time. When you do that, it makes him feel you have good plans for him because you always wish him well. Learn to pray for your man, it makes him feel you wish him well and it’s satisfying.

After His Circumcision

When a teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch and not paying attention, she went to him, lovingly placed a hand on his shoulder and asked, “Honey, what is the matter with you?” Quite embarrassed, the boy whispered, “Recently, I was circumcised and it is quite itchy.”  The Teacher told him to go down to the Principal’s office, telephone his mother and ask her what he should do about it.”

He did as the teacher said and returned to the class. After a while, there was a commotion at the back of the room.  And when she went back to investigate and found the boy sitting at his desk with his penis hanging out, she said, “I thought I told you to call your Mum!” The boy responded, “Yes, I did! And she told me that if I could stick it out until lunchtime, she’d come and pick me up from school.”

My Research And Experience

My latest Research and Experience have shown that the best way to live until you're very old is to have been born a long time ago. And my further Statistics also indicated that the longer you live, the more birthdays you have. And finally, I have proven the fact that, there are people dying now that have never died before!

Why I Need Help

I have never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ so much. And I have never even figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing either. And I've also never figured out, why men think with their heads, while women think with their hearts. And I am yet to figure out how the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, whenever it hears the words, "I do."

Well, one evening last week when my wife and I were getting into bed and the passion started to heat up, she just said, "I don't feel like it. I just want you to hold me."

Some Simple Definitions

STUPIDITY: Stupidity is when you don’t even have a bicycle, and you donate or contribute your last Naira towards the purchase of a private jet for your pastor.

MUMU: Mumu is when you can’t pay your children’s school fees in public schools, but you donate or contribute money in your church to build expensive schools, which your children can never afford to attend.

IGNORANCE: Ignorance is when you believe your pastor tell you not to live a worldly life, yet he enjoys all the worldly luxuries of fine houses, cars, jets, other ladies both single and married; while you are waiting till you get to heaven to enjoy your own.

IDIOCY: Idiocy is when you refuse to take your very sick child to the hospital because your pastor said you should not do so, yet that same pastor secretly runs to the USA or Europe for medical attention any time he has a headache.

KOLO: Kolo is when you see a poor beggar on the road and you refuse to give him Fifty Naira out of the Five Thousand Naira in your pocket, because it is your tithe money.

ZOMBIE: You are a Zombie when you dance and trek 30 kilometers under the hot sun, sweating and smelling like shit during your revival program, while your pastor is inside a full option factory fitted air-conditioned state of the art SUV with his delectable wife slowly driving ahead or behind you.

MY TAKE: Stop worshiping your pastors and a doctrine, which neither them nor you understand or will ever understand. And if you believe that your brain is rooted in creation, use your own brain. Don’t let them think for you.

Why I Can’t Stop Worrying

Every time the weekend approaches and I remember a phone conversation I had very many Sundays ago, I begin to worry more. As I relaxed in bed that Sunday morning, my phone rang. Instinctively, I picked the call without looking at the screen. But before I could hardly finish answering with my usual, “Happy Sunday,” The caller asked, “What is happy about the Sunday while you are still lazing in bed, instead of being in Church?” And I countered with, “What has Sunday got to do with the Church? Or is it because the English were worshipping the Sun on that day?” And he replied, “I am not in the mood, and it is too early for one of your lectures. Why aren’t you in Church?”

When I realized at this point that I wasn’t going to get off lightly, I said, “I am not in Church because, either they don't know what they are talking about/doing, or I'm too daft to understand. Think about religion and its practice. Why, where and when, was it born? Is religion the afterthought of our Creator/s, or the afterthought of man? You don’t need to be a Rocket Scientist to know that Churches have been and will continue to deceive themselves and the populace, because religion is the opium of the people. They chant we are serving the Almighty God, we are serving the All-Knowing God, but they collect tithes and donations from treasury looters, murderers and the masses; live in luxury and build schools which the children of the masses can’t afford to attend. They are happy to dedicate schools, businesses and mansions built with illegal funds.”

Who Makes The Coffee?

One morning, a married couple had an argument about whose duty it was to make the coffee. As they argued, the wife insisted that it was the man’s duty to always make the coffee. She continued, “Even the Bible confirms it, that the man should always make the coffee.” And when the husband asked her where it said that? She opened the Bible and pointed, “Right here in HEBREWS.”

The Black Testicles

While lying in his hospital bed, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose and still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure, a young student nurse appeared to give him a partial sponge bath. “Nurse,” he mumbled from behind the mask, “Are my testicles black?” Embarrassed, the young nurse replied, “I don't know Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body.” He struggled to ask again, “Nurse, are my testicles black?”

Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcame her embarrassment and sheepishly pulled back the covers, raised his gown, held his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifted and moved them around and around gently. Then, she took a closer look and said, “No sir, they aren't and I assure you, there's nothing wrong with them, Sir.” The man then pulled off his oxygen mask, smiled at her and said very slowly, “Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen very very closely, "A r e – M y - T e s t - R e s u l t s -B a c k?”

Being A Role Model

Being a role model is one of the most powerful forms of education. Youngsters need good models more than they need critics. It's one of a parent's and any adult’s greatest responsibilities. If you want others to follow your example, don't criticize or cajole them; because, “Do as I do, is far more effective than do as I say.” Live your own life in a manner that convincingly demonstrates both the virtues and successes of your way of life.

Live so that when your children and others think of fairness, caring, honesty and integrity, they think of you. Learn the art of pulling, instead of pushing; because when you pull the string, it will follow you wherever you wish. But when you push it, it will go nowhere at all.

Welcome Every Day With Gratitude

Welcome to another beautiful, healthful and love-filled Day. May today and everyday bring peace and harmony within and between us. May we never chase after other people, but have the courage to be ourselves, do our own things and work hard. For the right people, who really belong in our lives will come when they will come, and they will stay.

May we have the ability to appreciate, trust and be thankful, that we are exactly where we a meant to be; and that friends are quiet Angels who lift us up to our feet, when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly. And may our day always include a good dose of Gratitude, a good dose of Laughter, a good dose of Rest, and a good dose of Love.

Living A Simple Life

When you really sit down and think, you will begin to appreciate that being happy doesn't mean that everything's perfect. It simply means that you've decided to see beyond the imperfections. To be happy, you should always free your heart from hatred and learn to forgive easily. Free your mind from worries, because most of your worries may never happen.

You should always appreciate the difference between your needs and your wants, and live simply. Appreciate what you have and be content. Give more and expect less from people. And most importantly, live within your means, laugh hard and laugh more often, and Love with all of your heart.

Not In Management

When a passenger jet was going through a severe thunderstorm, and the passengers were being bounced around by the turbulence, a young woman turned to a minister sitting next to her, and with a nervous laugh asked, "Reverend, you're a man of God, can't you do something about this storm?" The Reverend replied, "Lady, I'm in sales, not management."

And My Lights Went Out

When a week after my wife returned from her last overseas vacation, and started wailing and wringing her hands she said, "I'm sick. I can feel it. I feel weak." So I asked, “What did they feed you, on that vacation?” She shot back, “What has the diet got to do with it? Anyway, I had lots beef meals.” And being my loving self, I consoled her and said, “Honey, there should be no cause for alarm as long as you were nowhere near any of those areas, where there was an outbreak of Mad Cow disease.”

That jugged her memory, and she exclaimed, “Oh no, I can feel it eating my brains already. I'm losing my memory. I can't remember anything.” And humorously, I tried to reassure her, "But Honey, as far as I'm concerned, you've always had Mad Cow disease." She frowned and asked, "Are you calling me mad?" Before I could answer, something struck me on the side of my head and my lights went out.

Which Is Superior?

If faith is, believing in something which you know little or nothing about, when common sense tells you not to; and faith being an after-thought of man, while common sense is rooted in creation, “Which is superior?”

Never Compromising Your Originality

You don’t have to think who you are, because you know who you are. You are an original. Everything about you is uniquely you; including your looks, your feelings and your love. To compromise your originality, is to live a lie. And that will be at the risk of your well-being. The shafts of mockery and sarcasm CANNOT pierce the Strong Amour of the Self Reliant Man. In fact, they can’t reach the "Invincible" Citadel of his honest heart to sting or wound it. Yes, the mundane, the uninformed and deformed may throw sharp arrows of irony upon the self-reliant man, but he will just laugh as the arrows are deflected by the "strong breast plate" of his confidence as they fall harmless about and around him.”

What will make you the person you are, are not the apologetic views you offer, but your deep resonated conviction about the kind of life you want to live. No Great Man, Lives to Please Others with His Views, His Beliefs, His Convictions. Great Men, Men of Grace and Distinction Are Often Found Walking Alone. They Live in a World of Their Own, a World of Significance and Not of Pity, and Acquiescence. They Are Rules Breakers and Non Conformists. So, resolve today, and every day to be the original that you are.