How Did He Sneak In?

After the burglar had been arrested and detained by the Police, a man went to the Police Station, and requested to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the previous night. When the Desk Sergeant told him, "You'll get your chance in court, to speak to him." The man protested, "No, no, no! I have to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years."

At The Police Lineup

After a recent robbery incidence, the Police organized a lineup of about a dozen men, who were each asked to repeat the words, "Give me all your money, your watch and mobile phones, or I'll shoot you."

This went on nicely, until they got to one suspect who shouted angrily, "No! I didn’t say it like that!”

He Also Likes Them Big

When the Pope suffered from a rare illness, the Cardinals
had difficulty locating a specialist Physician. But after much prayers and
fasting, they eventually located one old Physician, who gave the Pope a
thorough examination, for over an hour. He then told the Cardinals, “I’ve got
some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that the Pope has a rare
testicular disorder. And the good news is that he can be cured with sex.”

Though the Cardinals weren’t happy with the Physician’s
prescription, they however decided to explain the situation to the Pope. After
their explanations, the Pope said, “I’ll agree to the cure procedure, under
four conditions.” Shocked but relieved, the Cardinals curiously asked, “Your
Holiness, what are the four conditions?”

With a benevolent smile, the Pope replied, “First, the girl
must be blind, so she can’t see with whom she is having sex. Second, she must
be deaf, so she can’t hear with whom she is having sex. And third, she must be
dumb, so if she somehow figures out with whom she is having sex, she can tell
no one.”    After a long pause, a
Cardinal asked, “Your Holiness, what is the fourth condition?” And the Pope
replied, “She must have, Big Boobs.”

Why We Don’t Need Counseling

During last Christmas, some couples were discussing the merits of marriage counseling, at a party. After a while, one husband said, “Oh well, my wife and I have a great relationship. We don’t need marriage counseling.” The others chorused, “How so? How do you manage it?” And the husband explained, "Well, my wife is a good communicator and I’m a good actor. When she communicates, I just act like I'm listening."

I’m Built Like A Baby

When a newlywed couple on their honeymoon, were preparing to have sex for the first time, the wife said, “Honey, I have something to confess.” And the husband responded, “I will love you no matter what it is. Please tell me, darling." So the wife told him, “Honey, I’m actually extremely flat chested.” And the husband said, "I can deal with that." But when he took off her shirt, he shouted, “Lady! You are really small, but I love you all the same.”

Now, the husband said, “Darling, I also have something to confess.” And the wife said, "No matter what, I will still love you." Then the husband said, "Okay. I am built like a baby down here." And the wife assured him, “I can deal with that." With confidence, he pulled down his pants and his wife passed out. After vigorously fanning her, she got up and said, "But I thought you said you were built like a baby?" With a broad smile, the husband replied, "Yes, of course. 7lbs, and 21inches."

Why Do They Take Advantage Of Us?

Sometimes, I can’t but keep asking obvious questions like, “Why Do They Take Advantage Of Us?” Under our circumstances, I think they take advantage of us, and shall continue to take advantage of us; because we are averagely ignorant, gullible and greedy. They take advantage of us in, the provision of communication services, in governance, regulatory services, education, and even in religion.

In one of my random musings, I kept pondering on all of the above, incessantly. All last night for instance, I kept minimanimoing, on which of the aforementioned ills, to talk about. I shall however start with our communication service providers, because of my most recent bitter and costly experience. An experience that has made me realize how I may have, personally lost, some hundreds of thousands of naira over the years.

Why should they take advantage of the fact that, I don’t and can never know how to measure a byte? So they take advantage of my ignorance and arbitrarily charge me for bytes and air times, which they say, I may have, or not used. They sell me contradictory Data Bundles, which prices, insult my common sense. When I buy a Data Bundle which I can afford, why don’t they stop my data usage after the expiration of the said Data Bundle, instead of continuing to charge me for data, knowing fully well that I am ignorant of their calculations and manipulations?

The Latest Beer Test Results

"Yesterday, scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men with 12 pints of beer each, and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, couldn't drive, and refused to apologize when wrong. No further testing is planned."