My Experience With Sex_Part Two

When I went to the City Hall to get him a license and told the clerk I wanted a license for Sex, the clerk took a second look at me and said, “I would like to have one too.” Then I said, “But this is a dog!” And he said he didn’t care what she looks like. And when I said, “You don’t seem to understand! I have had Sex since I was two years old!!” He said, “You must have been a very strong baby!”

http://eviparker.blogspot.com.ng/

My Experience With Sex_Part One

You know that everybody who has a dog calls him, either Rover, Tiger, or something like that. To be different, I decided to call mine Sex. I found out to my surprise that this was an embarrassing name, when one day I took Sex for a walk and he ran off. And while looking for the damn dog for hours, a cop came up to me and asked, “What are you doing in this alley at four in the morning?” I replied, “I am looking for Sex!” My case comes up next Friday.

http://eviparker.blogspot.com.ng/

The Best Patients

When five surgeons were discussing who makes the best patients to operate on, the first surgeon said, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered." The second surgeon said, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is colour coded." The third surgeon disagreed, “No, I really think librarians are the best. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

And the fourth surgeon chimed in, "You know what? I like construction workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would." But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he said, "You're all wrong! Politicians are the best, because they are easiest to operate on. With them, there are no guts, no hearts, no brains, no spines, and the heads and rear ends are interchangeable."

http://eviparker.blogspot.com.ng/

Don’t Be Stupid

A man was searching the dictionary for the word, “Dictionary,” and he found this meaning, “Dictionary is the thing which you are holding, Stupid!” So he searched for the word, “Stupid,” and he found, “Is that you again?”

http://eviparker.blogspot.com.ng/

A Classic Dream

I had a dream, in which I played God and hosted a large group of single men and women; who came on pilgrimage to pray for spouses. And they all wanted Angels, as spouses. So I said, “Very well, and fair enough. But appreciate that before I created the fishes, I created the waters; before I created the birds, animals and you, I created the land, plants and gardens; before I created the devil, I created hell; and before I created the Angels, I created the Heavens. So, what have you created in your hearts and environments, for the Angels to live in?”

http://eviparker.blogspot.com.ng/

A Classic Definition

When President Mugabe was visiting a primary school and visited one of the classes in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings, the teacher asked the president if he would like to lead the discussion on the word "tragedy." So the illustrious leader asked the class for an example of a "Tragedy." One little boy stood up and said, "If my best friend, who lives on a farm is playing in the field and a war vet comes along and knocks him dead with a log, that would be a tragedy." And Mugabe said, "No, that would be an accident." A little girl raised her hand, stood up and said, "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy." The president disagreed but explained, "I'm afraid not! That's what we would call a great loss."

The room went silent. And when no other children volunteered, Mugabe searched the room with his eyes then asked, "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?" Finally at the back of the room another small boy raised his hand, stood up and in a quiet voice said, "If a Zimbabwe Air Force jet carrying Mr. & Mrs. Mugabe were struck by a missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy." Mugabe exclaimed, "Fantastic! That's right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?" And the boy replied, "Well, because it certainly wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't be an accident either."

http://eviparker.blogspot.com.ng/

Some Random Facts About A Woman

1. Researchers from Oxford University, discovered that a woman can say 8,000 words a day while a man says 2,000 words a day.

2. A woman is like a tea bag, you can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.

3. Not every female is a woman, but every woman is a female.

4. No man, except Adam, came to this world but through a woman.

5. A woman can go through forty heartbreaks in a lifetime and not only survive, but stay hopeful of a perfect forty one.

6. A really strong woman accepts the war she went through and is ennobled by her scars.

7. If you want something said, ask a man; if you want something done, ask a woman.

8. A women has to constantly deal with a lot of issues emotionally, physically and spiritually; and handle them with class and ease.

9. Only a woman hears a child’s cry and knows exactly what the child wants.

10. A woman is the ultimate multi-tasker; she can do five different things at the same time and she’ll still be sane enough to handle her responsibilies as a wife, mother, sister, daughter and career woman.

11. Most times, a woman is the first to wake up and the last to go to bed.

12. A woman's heart is a deep ocean of secrets.

13. A woman may stay in a marriage simply to please her family, custom or tradition for sixty years without ever showing remorse.

14. Only a woman cries herself to sleep at night then embraces her kids in the morning with a hug and a smile.

http://eviparker.blogspot.com.ng/