An Expensive Excuse

Last Valentine, a husband decided to give his wife a big surprise. He took a day off work, and with the help of their maid, baked a huge heart-shaped cake; while the wife was at work. When they had finished decorating the cake, the maid asked, “Oga, what have we made?” And with pride, the husband answered, “This is called, LOVE.”

When the wife arrived home, to meet an untidy kitchen with her maid dosing in a kitchen chair, she was angered. And angrily, she shouted, “What the hell are you doing? Stupid girl, what have you done all day?” Apologetically, the maid pleaded, “Madam, I’m sorry for sleeping. I was tired. Oga and I have just finished making love.”

Why Geese Fly In Their Unique Formation

Science has discovered why geese fly in their unique “V” shape formation. By flying in a "V" shape formation, it is estimated that a whole flock adds at least 71 percent greater flying range than if each bird flew on its own. As each bird flaps its wings, it creates an up lift for the bird immediately following. When a goose falls out of formation, it suddenly feels the drag and resistance of trying to go it alone and quickly gets back into formation to take advantage of the lifting power of the bird in front.

When the head goose gets tired, it rotates back in the wing and another goose flies point. Geese honk from behind to encourage those up front to keep up their speed. And when a goose gets sick or is wounded by gunshot, and falls out of the formation, two other geese fall out with that goose and follow it down to lend help and protection. They stay with the fallen goose until it is able to fly or until it dies; and only then do they launch out on their own, or with another formation to catch up with their own group.

Moral: People who share a common direction and sense of community can get where they are going much more quickly and easily, when they travel on the thrust of one another. They should stay in formation with those who are leading, and encourage them; and the leader should know when he is losing steam, and make room for a new leader; like the geese do.

Has The Pastor Been Sleeping With The Housekeeper?

In some districts, assistant pastors do not live in the main rectory. That is reserved for the Pastor and his housekeeper. One day the pastor invited his new young assistant pastor to have dinner with him at the rectory. While being served, the young pastor noticed how shapely and lovely the housekeeper was and down deep in his heart he wondered if there was more between the pastor and the housekeeper. He humourously broached the matter.

After the meal was over, the pastor assured the young priest that everything was purely professional, and that she was the housekeeper and cook and that was that. About a week later the housekeeper came to the pastor and said, "Father, ever since the new assistant came for dinner I have not been able to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose he took it, do you?" The Pastor said, "Well, I doubt it but I'll write him a letter." So he sat down and wrote, "Dear Father, I'm not saying you did take the gravy ladle and I'm not saying you did not take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains that it has been missing since you were here for dinner."

When the young assistant pastor received the letter, he wrote back as follows, "Dear Father Pastor, I'm not saying that you do sleep with the housekeeper, and I'm not saying that you do not sleep with the housekeeper. But I do know for sure that if you slept in your own bed, you would have found the gravy ladle."

What Did They Forget?

When in 1923, nine of the wealthiest people in the world whose combined wealth, was estimated to exceed the wealth of the Government of the United States of America at that time met at Chicago's Edge Water Beach Hotel; the world was at their feet. These men, who certainly knew how to make a living and accumulate wealth were, the president of the largest steel company, the president of the largest utility company, the president of the largest gas company, the president of the New York Stock Exchange, the president of the Bank of International Settlements, the greatest Wheat Speculator, the greatest "bear" on Wall Street, the head of the World's greatest monopoly, and a member of President Harding's cabinet.

But 25 years later, the president of the then largest steel company (Bethlehem Steel Corp), Charles M Schwab, lived on borrowed capital for five years before he died bankrupt; the president of the then largest gas company, Howard Hubson, went insane; one of the greatest commodity traders (Wheat Speculator), Arthur Cutten, died insolvent; the then president of the New York Stock Exchange, Richard Whitney, was sent to jail; the member of President Harding's cabinet, Albert Fall, was pardoned from jail just to be able to go home and die in peace; the greatest “bear” on Wall Street, Jesse Livermore committed suicide; the president of the then world’s greatest monopoly, Ivar Krueger, also committed suicide; the president of the Bank of International Settlement, Leon Fraser, also committed suicide; and the president of the largest utility company, Samuel Insull, died penniless.

So, what did these men forget? They forgot, “How to make life, while they were busy making money.” Money in itself is not evil. Money provides food for the hungry, medicine for the sick, and clothes for the needy. Money is only a medium of exchange. They forgot that there are two kinds of education. One education teaches us how to make a living, and the other that teaches us how to live. Many of us are so engrossed in our professional lives that we neglect our families, our health and our social responsibilities. We feel we are doing it for our families, whereas our kids are sleeping when we leave home, and they are sleeping when we come back home. And twenty years later when we turn back, they’ll all be gone, to pursue their own dreams and their own lives.

We should appreciate that, without water, a ship cannot move. While a ship needs water, if the water gets into the ship, the ship will face existential problems. What was once a means of living for the ship will become a means for its, destruction. Similarly, earning which is a necessity shouldn’t be allowed to get into our hearts; so that what was once a means of living may not become a means of destruction for us as well. So take a moment and ask yourself, "Has the water entered my ship?"

Weekend Quiz

Which part of a woman, is the most difficult to approach?

Answer: An unwilling vagina. Once she has decided to be uncooperative, that's it. She smacks her lips tight like suction, and only brute force can get anything past them.

The Screw

During one summer in the fifties when Wilson went to pick up Susan, his date, her mother invited him in and said, “Susan isn’t ready yet. So why don't you have a seat?" Wilson obliged, and took a seat. Then she asked what they were planning to do. And Wilson politely told her that they would probably just go to the mall or to a drive in movie.

And Susan’s mother asked, "Why don't you kids go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it, these days." Surprised, Wilson exclaimed, “What!” And Susan’s mother said, "Yeah, we know Susan really likes to screw. And she'd screw all night if we let her." Wilson’s eyes lighted up and he smiled from ear to ear. Immediately, he revised the plans for the evening, in his mind.

A few minutes later, Susan came downstairs in her petit mini skirt with her saddle shoes, and announced that she was ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Wilson escorted his date out the front door while Susan’s mother winked to him, and said, "Have a good evening, kids." About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly disheveled Susan rushed back into the house, slammed the door behind her and screamed at her mother, "Dammit, Mom! The Twist! The Twist! It's called The Twist!"

How To Overcome Failure _ Part Four

Turn to others: Seeking solace and guidance from others, especially family and friends is a great way to overcome failure. Encouraging words and comfort of your loved ones always gives you a confidence, boost and helps you to get through the worst of times.

Learn to share: Don’t just keep your story to yourself. Share your experiences with others. Talking about the little failures and how you overcame them will help you strive for more, but motivating others with humility and modesty, helps motivate you too.

Every adversity, every failure, and every headache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit. Don’t brood over your past mistakes and failures, as this will only fill your mind with grief, regret and depression. Just don’t repeat them in the future.

Nothing in this world can take the place of Persistence and determination. Success is the result of perfection, hard work, learning from failure, loyalty and persistence. And of course God's abundant guidance and blessing. Finally it is fine to celebrate success but it is more important to heed the lessons of failure

In conclusion take note and keep in mind as you make your journey through life, "That if you have made mistakes, even serious ones, that there is always another chance for you. What we call failure is not the falling down but the staying down.

Always remember that, "The true measure of success is how many times you can bounce back from your failures."